Who is unreasonable, Mil or Ds?

Is he year 6 11 and preparing for something because that does seem excessive

I’m granny. Ours is still very young but I’d never comment on their writing. Not my place.

MIL should butt out. His handwriting is absolutely nothing to do with her and it's clear you have worked on it with him. Hypercritical people are awful to be around.

They can and do. My son had a requirement for A Level to use computers during the exam. There needs to be a need - the teachers say they can't read his writing - and then history of using computers to take notes. Our 6th form was very accommodating with his exams.

The person being most unreasonable was you. If you want to know where he is work wise do it on your time, not MILs
My DD has awful writing and would be upset if her grandparents pointed it out to her (because she already knows, as I'm sure your son does). Has she moaned about your son's writing before? How much did she say to him? I'm also baffled that you and MIL think it's rude for your son to lock himself in the bathroom and call you but it's not rude for her to criticise him,.

Is grandma’s point that he doesn’t write in cursive? Ie in the way she was taught? Most schools simply prioritise legibility now.

I know I will be an outlier, but I would tell her to butt out as his writing is none of her business and she should apologise/tell him she spoke out of turn. And she did speak out of turn - telling an 11 year old that their writing is ‘bad’ is not a neutral or constructive comment, is it? Unless grandma recently retired from a secondary teaching career and therefore understands what current norms are, she is not qualified to comment - and if this were the case, I’d hope she’d handle her grandson and former pupils with a little more tact and sensitivity.

However, as his mother, I wouldn’t have sent him with homework that wasn’t required for school anyway, so I’d also be apologising for setting up this situation. If there is an underlying reason for the handwriting issue - mild dyspraxia, adhd etc - then I definitely can understand why he may be sensitive about it and likely to get distressed (and also, again, would not have sent homework with him to grandmas).

I remember seeing a video of a teacher asking Year 1s when you should say something about another person, and when not.

Her rule was "can it be fixed in 60 seconds".

If you say "you have a big spot on your face" can the other person do anything in 60 seconds? No - so dont say anything

If you say "you have jam on your face" can it be fixed in 60 seconds? Yes - so that is fine.

Can your DS change his writing in 60 seconds? No - so it was not her place to say anything. What on earth did she hope to achieve???

If DS reacted that way though - it appears either he wants help as is conscious about it, or he needs to learn resilience.

I feel sorry for the kid. Mum is giving him unnecessary extra homework and granny is carping about his handwriting.

Right?

Actually they're allowed to use voice to text or type these days if there's an issue with handwriting and scribes when a computer can't be used.
My ds has both dyslexia and severe hypermobility in his hands which renders his handwriting illegible and is 1 of many who don't have to write to pass exams

When your MIL was at school it was probably taken much more seriously, and she may have assumed he'd get in trouble for messy writing. Seems a small thing for him to get so upset about though, I think he must have been feeling down to start with and her comment put the tin lid on it. Basically a storm in a teacup OP, perhaps you and DS could visit and take a cake and talk it out?

Nothing in the OP suggests that the grandma was expected to supervise. He was just given work to do while he was there. I don't think OP should have given him work though. And grandma shouldn't just tell him his writing is "awful" and get angry. If she wants to help him improve his writing that's fine, but telling a child his writing is awful achieves nothing. It's not like he can just go "oh ok, I'll write better from now on, thanks for pointing that out".

I feel sorry for the kid. Mum is giving him unnecessary extra homework and granny is carping about his handwriting.

As a complete aside, I must say how nice it is that (on a thread mentioning MiLs) the comments aren't all immediately bashing the mil and demanding you go no contact! 🥳

If granny is babysitting and it's her house then I'd say he needs to at least be polite. He has over reacted and been rude to her. Teach him about controlling what he can (ie his behaviour) rather than getting angry with what he can't. I think it's odd he is having to do this work at his granny's though. It sounds unnecessary for him to do it there if at all.

Not every child gets a laptop due to bad writing and not every child succeeds in spite of handwriting problems. 🙄

I was an examiner for years and you would not believe how poor some of the writing was and if the writing is totally illegible despite your best efforts then they get zero marks.

Handwriting matters and you can't depend on getting a laptop (which is usually a disability adjustment) as an excuse for not working on it. I'm not talking about cursive and OP didn't seem to be either. I'm talking about putting letters on a page that others can read, as I stated in the post you quoted.

If gran is looking after him, why do you need to control what they do in that time? Plenty of opportunity to do homework at home, where it's meant to be done. You've set up situation where conflict is almost inevitable - you ask her to supervise then moan when she doesn't do it like you would!

Now I do have some sympathy with your child - my mum was always going on to my dd about her makeup or her clothes. All that happens is that kids stop wanting to visit so much, because they just feel criticised.
So it depends how her comments were made and whether they were just a passing remark or loaded with criticism.

Tell mil that you son knows his writing needs improvement and is working on it, so please be tactful. Tell your son that gran meant to help and that older generations were taught differently at school and are speaking as they were spoken to in an attempt to teach - there was no intention to be hurtful.

And chill with the extra unnecessary homework and let your kid be a kid on a visit to grandma!

I think handwriting was a big thing in the past. My son has absolutely awful handwriting and we think is probably dyspraxic but he has used computers for exams and they use mostly computers at his uni so its not an issue. I'd leave off taking homework that's none essential to his grandmas.

Have to agree with the comments questioning why he is even having to do this not-set-homework homework when he's with his GM...

When he doesn’t want to go to granny’s now you know why?

Let the kid have a day off and just spend time at his Granny’s without having to think about school work.

If she made one passing comment about his handwriting and he ran off crying to the bathroom he sounds rather sensitive and over reactive.

I agree with this.

So it wasn't even set as school homework. He really didn't need to be doing it anyway and should just have been spending quality time with his grandma.

Why the need to set him this task? You don't need to be driving him on every moment like this.