Who is unreasonable, Mil or Ds?

Honestly @Maria1979- I’d be inclined to forget the small details of who did what to whom and look at the big picture. The main thing is that Granny doesn’t ruin her good relationship with DS by being harsh and shitty. DS need to realise that locking himself in the bathroom and ringing mum is not going to fill Granny with joy and love.
I would gently and diplomatically point out each them, and then not leave DS with homework to do at Granny’s, or if he has to, tell her for the sake of harmony not to criticise. It’s yours and his teachers job to parent and teach. Granny shouldn’t compromise her relationship with DS over this. Tell them to go back to just enjoying spending time together.

I suspect it was a convenient excuse for him to stop doing the work.

My brother used to do that if ever asked to do the washing up. Any passing comment from anyone (like is the water hot enough) was a criticism that meant he flounced off and locked himself in the bathroom until it was done by someone else.

I’m a grandmother. Fairly normal, I think 😁 I wouldn’t be so rude.

Sounds like a normal grandmother sort of remark to me. Unless she was going on and on or being deliberately spiteful. My grandfather (in my case) would have certainly pulled me up on my handwriting. It's all part of life's rich tapestry and learning how to navigate different people and situations.

How fast is her typing?
They don't do nearly as much writing these days so it isn't surprising that handwriting standards are not the same as they used to be. As long as it is legible I don't think it matters.

Agreed! Extra work in one subject from one parent then additional criticism about something else from a grandparent. Poor boy.

Digressing. Get his eyesight checked for convergence. It happened to DS. 20/20 vision on regular eye test. At 14 years old said to school what can we do? He wouldn't write anything. Specialist eye test diagnosed convergence, glasses that made it so much easier. Additionally he had an assessment and was granted extra time and use of a computer for exams.
Good luck.
And yeah tell MiL to butt out. My (D)M had been a teacher and knew everything 🙄🤦‍♀️ and was dreadful to DS about his writing.

Is this additional work to his school homework? Eugh. Should be out in the fresh air getting some exercise, not doing extra work.

This reaction is indicative of him feeling very stressed, if you ask me. Lay off the poor boy.

Yes. Why couldn’t he just go and have grandma time. Too much pressure.

I think you are the unreasonable one for not clearly setting the expectations and way of working. If you delegate a parenting task to someone, you have to expect them to do it their way unless you say otherwise. Sounds like your MIL and DS are experiencing the fallout of your failure to do this.

In which case grandma is BU. The most important thing is that it's readable so examiners can pass him on things (if he doesn't qualify for adjustments of any sort). Anything else is OTT.

If she insisted on saying over and over to him that his handwriting was bad, then MIL is unreasonable and cruel. She is not his teacher, his parent or a judge. IMHO grandparents job is unconditional love with a bit of spoiling thrown in, and if he was staying at MIL for a few nights, then she should keep it fun and happy…not be criticising and upsetting him.

I am assuming that if she was having him for a few nights, that they know each other quite well and she would know he is a sensitive sort..which makes it worse that she made multiple critical comments to him.

And I think MIL should think carefully about whether her comments are likely to encourage DS to want to spend much time with her in the future.

I suspect that at least one of mine would have had a similar reaction - and I would have gone and fetched him if I could.

Neither of mine coped well with DGP criticism - -and I have no memory of receiving criticism like that from mine. I got a very rare telling off when they were looking after me, yes - but I richly deserved it. I’d like to think I wouldn’t tell a DGC of mine that their handwriting is messy. I’d just try to help with the work if needed.

Her just saying "can you try to do your writing neater" would be fine, but the whole needing to hear its "bad" and that you indulge him shows a completely different attitude.

Does he generally enjoy seeing her alone/is it essential that he does for childcare reasons or can you do more family meet ups in future?

Otherwise if things like this keep happening he's not likely to have much relationship with her longer term.

Your asking work to be completed on grandmas watch. Of course she is going to look to make sure he is doing said work.

You'd son is being dramatic and actually so are you. Grandma good enough to look after him for 'several days' but not good enough to say anything about the work.

You can't have it both ways.

If she phrased it like that ("awful") then she's very rude and should be apologising to him.

You keep saying she 'insisted on his handwriting'. What does that even mean?