To think some people try really hard to appear 'chaotic' ?

Could be mental health struggles involved possibly. Some people get easily drained in social situations, and this can add to tiredness.

A lot if it self deprecation, very English. As others on this thread have said, no one likes a show off who crows about how organised they are and how much they have managed to achieve so they do the "oh I'm so chaotic, I've only just managed to juggle z, y and z and I'm all over the place haha" which draws attention to the fact they HAVE actually fitted everything into the time available.

Another perspective, I have a friend who doesn't have a lot of natural resilience. She genuinely does find even a modest amount of responsibility really challenging and stressful and needs to build in a lot of downtime and relaxation. Works part time as a TA (afternoon only) so she can do her craft hobby in the morning, one teenage child pretty self sufficient. Yet whenever I see her she's always flapping and telling me that's she's been so busy, with added gasps to stress this. But the thing is I think she is genuinely stressed out and her life does feel excessively busy to her. The fact that I've managed to cram in a lot more is neither here nor there, though I think she's aware of that and needs to get in "I'm so busy" for fear that anyone is comparing or judging her.

You just say “thank you” to the compliment

What a fun new way to disparage women

I am barely house-trained, so I always apologise for the state of my house (although it's getting better, and before serious visitors I will have hidden the worst of it).

I'm on time though (generally early - since it's that or forget to turn up at all), and my kids are easy and do their homework, plus I have loads of bits and bobs so things like costumes aren't generally an issue and so genuinely either are done last minute, or we've been prepping for months (this year was a banger, but it was literally every weekend for the last month working on it - which I loved)

I don't judge anyone else who's better or worse than me at things though - I like a bit of variety, and quite enjoy someone who cares so much that they're pretending something was super-hard/super-easy/super-messy/super-late etc. I can even cope with mean-ness as long as it's not really hurting someone and we can all step away and laugh if it gets too much

I think there’s a lot of this in it.

It takes the sting out of judgment if you’re the first to make it of yourself - similar to them laughing with you, not at you.

There may be a handful of stagey types who think it’s making an interesting impression, but I suspect much of the chaos is genuine ( at least in their mind) for most people.

Jeremy Clarkson.

Cannot bear the fake helplessness by a millionaire bully, who has spent a couple of decades being a motoring TV personality.

I'm a lazy bugger and I know it. My friends are all scrubbing the windowsills (or whatever they do) while I play on my phone. When we rock up anywhere, I usually try and get my "chaotic but here" defense in first before the perfect mummy's start telling me "I've given Tarquin hand-knitted, vegan hummus wraps for his packed lunch"

God I wish I was just pretending to be chaotic disorganised mess. I'd love to be one of these parents who have their sh1t together. I don't know how people do it tbh

Weeks, months, a year and a half. Depends who wants to visit 😜

This has reminded me of someone telling me their daughter had hardly trained for a race that she won. I looked her up (I'm a runner myself and was curious) and saw that she was a member of a club, trained and raced a lot.
She won the race - good for her, but why make out she'd just rolled out of bed and decided to give it a go?

I am currently re-watching ER - from mid 90s and saw new medical student Chen do this to Carter- she not had enough time it's not good enough quality she's really worried- then she gives a stunning presentation with graphics. It was way of making herself look better and getting ahead of competition.

DD2 having this with exam revisions - half aren't revising and doing badly and half claiming not to revise but clearly are. There's only a few like her admitting to plugging away at it slowly and surely. Same as in my day.

It just seems to have spread to social events and older ages as well now.

There's someone quite well known on instagram who embodies this "ditzy, frazzled English middle class woman" ..
lots of clearly made up stories of how she forgets things , is muddling through , hilarious anecdotes, crocodile tears when it all goes wrong .
It is all an act of someone ruthlessly efficient, alpha female who is running a very successful business in schilling stuff to other souls who fall for her pretend helpless chaotic comedy act .
I had to unfollow as once you see it ....you see it's all a scam to appear relatable.

I am fed up hearing people say how busy they are and that they don't have time for themselves. Well stop living a crowded life. Some parents take their children to an activity every weekday evening and Saturday morning. There is no need for parents to push their children. Children need time to relax and do what they want, not what their parents seem to think necessary.

The only people I have met who were like this were attention seekers with low self esteem.

What is this trope?

I think the same and as a perpetually chaotic, disorganised person (I have ADHD and autism) I try So. Damn. Hard to appear to everyone as thought I’ve got my 💩 together.

I find this trend highly irritating.

Honestly think it’s different @MilmoMaggins! It’s one thing being busy/struggling to keep up. But other people make it their whole personality and seem to enjoy it. That doesn’t sound like you to be honest!

I hope not! It mostly comes up in the context of it being hard to find a time/date to meet up with people, or me complaining that boring tasks take all my time/energy and wishing I had more time for fun stuff. Mostly it feels like a personal failing that I can't cope as well as I should with everyday demands, but I've only shared that with a few close friends (and now the whole Internet).

Sure but is that all you talk about? With my friend it can be the whole focus. She goes on and on about how busy she is. That’s why it can seem like ‘competitive busyness’.

I think I can be a bit like this. Not because I am trying to "out busy" anyone else but because I genuinely find it really hard to keep on top of what are perfectly normal demands (and the mental lead thereof). Having something unexpected land on my plate can really throw me. I wish I found it easier/less stressful to keep up with everything, but I don't.

I get ya. There are those type of people. I remember being one of them in early secondary school - getting good grades but trying to make out 'oh I didn't study' etc. Thankfully I grew out of it. Others don't 🤷

Isn't this just yet another way to be mean about other women? We're all in it together, some cope with the pressure by being over organised and others embrace the chaos, and some perform these, it's all the same in the end, we're all coping with trying our best not to lose the plot and vaguely come across as a likeable human while secretly feeling a bit inadequate, confused and lonely aren't we? So can't we just hold these judgements loosely,let them go and use our energy for other things?

Is it a bit like the MC woman hot mess trope?

I suppose it could go the other way and be this. Like someone with perfect hair they've carefully done saying they just got out of bed that way, to show off how effortlessly their perfection is.

Give the benefit of the doubt where it's due and assume people are doing this to be nice, until it becomes obvious if they aren't!