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AIBU?

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Original poster

WIBU to ask for a different prize?

33 replies

Allelbowsandtoes · 24/10/2024 08:10

Hi
Just asking so I don't make a massive faux pas, basically 😬
An acquaintance of mine (known him for years, lovely bloke) is a silversmith, he did a prize giveaway on his social media and I won first prize. The necklace I won is the most expensive one out of all of the ones in the prize draw, one of his new designs.
It's a stunning piece of jewellery but really not my style and I can't see myself wearing it.
I'd really love to swap it for a different necklace he makes which he sells on his website so I happen to know it sells for half the price of the one I won. The one I like is smaller, less intricate design.
Is that really rude? I'd hate to offended him because he's an incredibly talented artist and the piece I won clearly took a lot of skil to make, but it's not quite me.

OP posts:
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SpunkyKoala · 29/10/2024 06:32

Please can you pop a link to him here so that we can have a look at his stuff ?

purplebeansprouts · 29/10/2024 05:24

TheFlis · 24/10/2024 08:47

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling him you were actually hoping to win third prize and is there any chance you can swap it.

This is the best way to put it

BookishBabe · 29/10/2024 05:12

I've done this before.
I entered a competition at a beauty place and won 60 minutes on the sunbeds! I am pale and only burn under the sun. They were very happy to swap it to me having my nails done instead.

JennySayQuoi · 29/10/2024 01:35

Bit late to this thread, but, jeweller here, and I wouldn't be offended if you asked to swap it. We make things we want people to love and treasure. I would say def ask him :)

stichguru · 28/10/2024 14:08

Given that the other one is lesser value, I can't see a problem.

Didimum · 28/10/2024 12:26

MasterBeth · 28/10/2024 10:50

I don't think it's healthy for women to feel they need to routinely tell lies on the off chance that they might hurt some poor man's feelings.

I would do it regardless of being a man or a woman. It's not that deep. Not sure what you're looking for here, but you're not going to get it from me on this particular thread.

MasterBeth · 28/10/2024 10:50

I don't think it's healthy for women to feel they need to routinely tell lies on the off chance that they might hurt some poor man's feelings.

Didimum · 28/10/2024 10:45

MasterBeth · 28/10/2024 10:42

Exactly because it's just a promotional necklace giveaway is why you don't need to casually lie.

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Alright. I would, you wouldn't. We've cleared that up. OP is free to agree or disagree.

Dragonflysparkles · 28/10/2024 10:44

Honestly just ask. He will likely be pleased as the one you won took longer to make, just ask if you can swap it for the other.

MasterBeth · 28/10/2024 10:42

Didimum · 28/10/2024 10:36

You've already asked why, and I have told you. Because when you don't know someone well, you can never be sure of their reaction. OP is free to agree or disagree with me as she pleases.

Chill out, it's not a moral thought experiment, it's a necklace giveaway.

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Exactly because it's just a promotional necklace giveaway is why you don't need to casually lie.

Didimum · 28/10/2024 10:38

Kurokurosuke · 28/10/2024 10:34

Yup!

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I do agree with this also. Though it's a shame for the other necklace to go to waste if it's just going to sit in OP's drawer and not be used. She could donate it, however.

Didimum · 28/10/2024 10:36

MasterBeth · 28/10/2024 10:19

She doesn't have to say she doesn't like it*. She just has to say she prefers the cheaper one. Why lie?

(*She hasn't said she doesn't like it. She says it's not her style.)

Edited
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You've already asked why, and I have told you. Because when you don't know someone well, you can never be sure of their reaction. OP is free to agree or disagree with me as she pleases.

Chill out, it's not a moral thought experiment, it's a necklace giveaway.

Kurokurosuke · 28/10/2024 10:34

BabyCloud · 24/10/2024 08:13

He clearly picked that one to showcase his new design.

Why don’t you support his business and buy the one you want?

Yup!

TwinklyAmberOrca · 28/10/2024 10:19

Why don't you ask him if it's OK if you auction the necklace off to raise money for charity that is meaningful to you? (if it's an expensive one).

That way you'll raise some money for charity, he gets more publicity, and no risk of causing offence.

Personally I'd feel a bit weird about asking to swap, but that's just me.

MasterBeth · 28/10/2024 10:19

Didimum · 28/10/2024 10:17

Softens the blow in case he is disappointed or offended that she doesn’t like it.

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She doesn't have to say she doesn't like it*. She just has to say she prefers the cheaper one. Why lie?

(*She hasn't said she doesn't like it. She says it's not her style.)

Didimum · 28/10/2024 10:17

MasterBeth · 28/10/2024 10:06

Why?

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Softens the blow in case he is disappointed or offended that she doesn’t like it.

DrFosterWentToGloucester23 · 28/10/2024 10:15

Anyone creative knows taste is personal. I don’t think there is anything wrong with saying you prefer more delicate/statement/simple/intricate designs and would he mind if you had a version of the third prize piece as that’s what you entered hoping to win. Worst case, he says no, but I doubt you’d offend him either way. If I were him, I’d rather someone wore pieces of my jewellery and loved it as opposed to having something I loved stuffed in a box somewhere.

NeverEnoughPants · 28/10/2024 10:13

I would absolutely ask.

I would say something like 'Thanks so much, I can't believe I won! I know this might sound cheeky, but I've actually had my eye on 'cheaper necklace' for a while. I was wondering how you would feel about swapping out the prize for that one? I don't want to sound ungrateful (I'm really not!) but I would wear that one so much more and, as it costs less, I'm hoping this could be a good option for both of us.'

MasterBeth · 28/10/2024 10:06

Didimum · 28/10/2024 10:04

I’d make up some sentimental reason why you like the other necklace better, rather than just preference. Say it reminds you of your gran or something.

Why?

MasterBeth · 28/10/2024 10:06

It is a complete win-win for you to end with the necklace you like and for him to give away a necklace of lesser financial value.

Of course it is reasonable to ask for the cheaper necklace.

Didimum · 28/10/2024 10:04

I’d make up some sentimental reason why you like the other necklace better, rather than just preference. Say it reminds you of your gran or something.

crockofshite · 28/10/2024 10:02

He didn't pick the prize necklace as a personal gift for you so hopefully he won't be upset to get his expensive item back.

Perhaps you could offer to model the prize you won to help publicise his business, then swap it for the other item.

TheFlis · 24/10/2024 08:47

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling him you were actually hoping to win third prize and is there any chance you can swap it.

Original poster
Allelbowsandtoes · 24/10/2024 08:44

MyKidsAreTooNoisy · 24/10/2024 08:28

I also agree it’s fine, especially with a friend you know well, but you know his personality more than us. Essentially you are swapping something you really like for something you absolutely love. It would be odd to be offended by that.

Thanks, yes he is pretty easy going so I'd be surprised if he was offended but I didn't know if I would be unwittingly breaking an unspoken rule.....

I have bought jewellery off him years ago that I still wear so he knows I like his work

OP posts:
MyKidsAreTooNoisy · 24/10/2024 08:28

I also agree it’s fine, especially with a friend you know well, but you know his personality more than us. Essentially you are swapping something you really like for something you absolutely love. It would be odd to be offended by that.

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