Page 4 | Not to go to my husband’s friend’s 40th birthday staycation? Trip is paid for me and his mum extra hotel room

YellowphantGrey · 24/10/2024 10:12

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 24/10/2024 10:08

I have as I thought i was going mad, they agree with me!!

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So you are correct and your friends.

Everyone on this post, the majority of people in the world, the Oxford English Dictionary and the Collins dictionary are a wrong when they say travelling from one place to another in the same country isn't travelling abroad?

Tiswa · 24/10/2024 10:10

YellowphantGrey · 24/10/2024 10:08

I'm answering based on this post, I've never read her others

But as someone else said, she posts every single problem on here, and should just make plans to leave.

She's now ignoring him and intends to for a week, it's not healthy at all

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No it isn’t but moving on when you haven’t is ignoring the issues as well

but yes they either need to work on it together or break up going on a weekend away isn’t going to help

YellowphantGrey · 24/10/2024 10:08

Tiswa · 24/10/2024 10:05

This from the previous thread the husband took paternity leave to go to a holiday in Vegas and offers no support for the baby at all leaving his wife on the verge of a breakdown.

Now he wants her to basically show up and act like everything is fine when it isn’t - moving on isn’t forgetting the argument it is taking something from it and at this point neither have.

moving on isn’t just something you can do it isn’t something you can make happen either if everything is just the same as before which is her having to adapt around him and the baby rather than working it out together

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I'm answering based on this post, I've never read her others

But as someone else said, she posts every single problem on here, and should just make plans to leave.

She's now ignoring him and intends to for a week, it's not healthy at all

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 24/10/2024 10:08

Heronwatcher · 24/10/2024 09:31

@ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood I think this is a case where “abroad” in the specific context of holidays has changed for 99.9% of people. Try testing it with a few friends!

I have as I thought i was going mad, they agree with me!!

Tiswa · 24/10/2024 10:05

Hallula · 24/10/2024 07:23

The argument is dragging on, or at least festering, I would imagine because OP is sleep-deprived and if she had been asked, would have given a different answer. The packing is an issue because it is one more thing she has to do when she is exhausted.
As it is, she has been presented with a fait accompli and has her choice taken away from her and a task created for her. It sounds like OP wants some time and support from her husband and that is the context of the part about the drinks on Friday evening. That is what I surmise but I don’t know the context of the other thread.
I do tend to agree with other posters that this friend’s 40th is not the time or place to make a stand by not attending. However, it would be reasonable to request consultation with you next time your husband plans a night away and childcare; this for me would be just about courtesy. It is important also to make sure that you have time to see your own friends as well, so I guess I would be looking to ensure that too.

This from the previous thread the husband took paternity leave to go to a holiday in Vegas and offers no support for the baby at all leaving his wife on the verge of a breakdown.

Now he wants her to basically show up and act like everything is fine when it isn’t - moving on isn’t forgetting the argument it is taking something from it and at this point neither have.

moving on isn’t just something you can do it isn’t something you can make happen either if everything is just the same as before which is her having to adapt around him and the baby rather than working it out together

Hoppinggreen · 24/10/2024 10:05

MumDaisy1980 · 23/10/2024 22:13

It’s me again! (For those who have been following the Las Vegas thread, ha)

it’s mid week and husband and I are not in a good state. We had a fight. We have a 6 month old baby.

this Saturday meant to go to this couple staycation for his mate 40th . I never said yes to it but the organiser need firm number so my husband just sign both us up. In terms of childcare, he is paying his mum to come along. So we will be going for dinner and mil to look after baby for few hours.

I have no mood to pack as in I am the one packing for the baby also. It is pretty by default kind of act.

my concern is if we not resolved for this small fight, I donno if I should go or not. Though bigger picture is as a wife I see this is important to him , this is like his best mate , so i would want to go for the sake of support him. It’s like a one off event. But deep inside and I am being short sighted I don’t want to go. I feel like he had not taken my feelings into account. Besides it’s bizzare his mate wife organise another pre drink tomorrow and my husband did say will got for a quick one (before we had a fight - I already told him I don’t think it’s good idea for him to go and he asked me why!!!)

on the other hand , becoz MIL is coming so if I don’t go - this May then spiral to MiL as in to find out why I don’t go. Or she may contact me to ‘care’ about me. At this stage I really don’t want anyone else to step into the matter between husband and me. The thought of all these I feel very heavy. I got a headache.

if I pretend everything is fine, in fact it’s not. Then I guarantee I will cry in the weekend and look super embarrassed!!

asking out loud - what should I do??? :’(

You should stop posting about every single situation and how awful he is and just leave him - that would be my advice

YellowphantGrey · 24/10/2024 10:03

MartinCrieffsLemon · 24/10/2024 10:01

So you refuse to speak to him for days after a minor disagreement but you're also angry at him for not showing you affection?

I think you might be too late for counselling

The poster has apparently posted about her marriage on other posts before. I've not read them so can only comment on this post.

But imagine the reaction if she come.on to say that her husband had refused to talk to her or look at her following a disagreement and was intending to carry this on for a full week?!

MermaidEyes · 24/10/2024 10:03

Tbh I've read your other threads, including the one you started on Tuesday, and I think the truth is somewhere in the middle. Your husband is pretty selfish in that he doesn't seem to realise that life and priorities have to change when you have a wife and child. However, I also think from some of your updates you sound extremely hard work and demanding sometimes. You keep coming on here for advice but no one here can make your marriage work the way you want it. Personally I think you'd both be better off having a trial separation for a few months and see where you go from there.

ItsTheGAGGGGGGGGG · 24/10/2024 10:01

ThePoshUns · 23/10/2024 22:43

Can someone translate this into English please

🤣

MartinCrieffsLemon · 24/10/2024 10:01

So you refuse to speak to him for days after a minor disagreement but you're also angry at him for not showing you affection?

I think you might be too late for counselling

SunnyCoco · 24/10/2024 10:00

Oh honestly, grow up.
Not wanting to make eye contact with your husband FFS!

Please don't ruin someone else's birthday because you're being a princess.

Sharptonguedwoman · 24/10/2024 09:56

MasterBeth · 23/10/2024 22:21

IT'S NOT A STAYCATION IF YOU'RE GOING ON HOLIDAY!!!!!

Seconding this. Staycation means you are making day trips from your own house!

YellowphantGrey · 24/10/2024 09:55

MumDaisy1980 · 24/10/2024 09:47

HaHa. I would have to clarify that he did not arrange the weekend. It's the organiser plan for a couple weekend and he signed up without my consent. Even the hotel full package is the organiser say if you joining then pay £x. The activity is a couple thing. He needs to go with +1. I even said could I not go, and he sort of say it's a couple thing, it wouldn't work if +1 not go. it's not his intention to plan anything nice for me as far as I am concerned.

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How long have you been together? And is this your first child?

What was he like before children?

Has his life pretty much stayed the same but yours changed?

SleepingisanArt · 24/10/2024 09:53

OP you sound much younger than my adult children! Never go to bed having not resolved a disagreement (minor or otherwise) - I have a friend who after a minor disagreement continued to 'huff' for a few days. Refused to engage with her husband. He got up on day 3 and set off for work. He never made it - He was killed in an accident. She still feels terrible - her last interaction with her husband was anger. I've been married for 40 years and we have minor disagreements which are always resolved quickly - life is too short to hold grudges....

You either need to sort things out with your husband, like an adult, or pack your things and move back in with your parents.

Original poster

MumDaisy1980 · 24/10/2024 09:47

MissUltraViolet · 24/10/2024 08:40

You sound like hard work OP, not sure you actually like your husband either.

Lots of complaining about his lack of effort but you're on here whining that he has arranged a nice weekend and sorted child care so you can have a break and enjoy yourself...but you don't want to pack a bag.

HaHa. I would have to clarify that he did not arrange the weekend. It's the organiser plan for a couple weekend and he signed up without my consent. Even the hotel full package is the organiser say if you joining then pay £x. The activity is a couple thing. He needs to go with +1. I even said could I not go, and he sort of say it's a couple thing, it wouldn't work if +1 not go. it's not his intention to plan anything nice for me as far as I am concerned.

OP posts:

Original poster

MumDaisy1980 · 24/10/2024 09:42

Everydayimhuffling · 24/10/2024 08:33

If you refuse to go now, you are probably destroying your marriage. Think about whether that's what you want to do. It would be very unfair on the people who invited you and on MIL, also.

Is there a reason your DH can't pack for the baby? Could he give you a bullet point version of the information you need for the murder mystery? Basically, what can he pick up that will relieve some of the burden of the trip?

Thanks. I am sure he can. But now I am at a stage don't want to talk to him at all. Will see how the week goes.

OP posts:

Original poster

MumDaisy1980 · 24/10/2024 09:39

Heronwatcher · 24/10/2024 09:12

I mean it depends how the day is set up but I’d be tempted to go for the meal and then excuse myself from the activity so I could get a couple of hours to myself or a couple of hours sleep? I think you need to be focussing on the longer term rather than getting caught up in this weekend.

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Good idea. Thanks. The activity is a paid activity though. It cost £300 each (including meal). So really got to think about it.

OP posts:

Original poster

MumDaisy1980 · 24/10/2024 09:31

SallyWD · 24/10/2024 09:14

I often end up defending men if I feel they're being blamed unfairly. However, in this case I can see why OP is a bit pissed off. Her DH has just been with mates to Las Vegas, he has another lads trip to Europe coming up (also this month, I think) and this weekend away. Op's not in the mood to party because she's fed up with doing everything for the baby. She says he doesn't pull his weight at home.
I always argue for parents going away with their mates. I think it's important that you can go away and have fun with friends. But I can see that three times in one month isn't great. It's a lot of time of OP solo parenting while her DH has fun. Also think of the cost!!

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Thanks. And your post made me cried. Indeed this is my thought, but on the other hand it's co-incident all birthdays in one month. I am not happy that I have to ignore him to feel good about myself. In recent fight, completely ignoring him I feel light weight and no need to wait action to be taken after asking to do this and that. but just one day with the baby yesterday , I feel pain everywhere. It's not nice.

on contrary, I could telll he dunno what to do at home, he did try to make eye contact with me but I just ignore him. I just don't want to talk to him.

I feel like run out of options of how to move forward,

OP posts:

Heronwatcher · 24/10/2024 09:31

@ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood I think this is a case where “abroad” in the specific context of holidays has changed for 99.9% of people. Try testing it with a few friends!

Thommasina · 24/10/2024 09:26

I've tried to ignore the Abroad derail but I have to add I go by the dictionary definition and have never once heard anyone using it to mean visiting another part of their own country!

YellowphantGrey · 24/10/2024 09:24

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 24/10/2024 09:18

No, it isn't. Abroad can mean outside of ones home
Look it up if you cannot be bothered to look for my previous post

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That's Collins dictionary definition

Not to go to my husband’s friend’s 40th birthday staycation? Trip is paid for me and his mum extra hotel room

Original poster

MumDaisy1980 · 24/10/2024 09:22

THisbackwithavengeance · 24/10/2024 08:32

Can everyone stop banging on about the staycation; I'm trying to follow the actual thread.

It's difficult to know exactly what's going on with your marriage OP. But there seems to be a lot of petty arguments and micro aggressions that are bringing you both down. Whether that's your fault or his fault or a bit of both is really not clear.

I really think you need to put your game face on and try and enjoy this weekend without fighting or kicking off. Please don't ruin someone else's occasion just to get one up.

Babies test even the strongest of marriages. Have you considered counselling?

Thanks. I am open to counselling. But I would think this should be last resort , as in if both of us have tried all we could to upkeep the relationship. And I am sure he doesn't , and no point if go to counselling and in fact say the obvious things that he didn't do. And it shouldn't be me going counselling , not a post natal but a marriage - both of us to go for counselling. He more thinking only me need to go.

OP posts:

MrsKwazi · 24/10/2024 09:18

OP…
with the best will in the world…
You are an adult
You have a young child
Presumably you have a home and had a job pre-baby.
You have friends and relatives and are part of a wider community.
Across all of your thread on this issue, I have had one thought - you really really need to grow up. You sound and act like a teenager. So much drama. Compromises and talking things through is difficult and that is part of the ‘work’ in a relationship.
You have added a child to this marriage. You really really need to grow up.

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 24/10/2024 09:18

YellowphantGrey · 24/10/2024 09:04

Even though the definition of abroad is to travel overseas or go to a foreign country?

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No, it isn't. Abroad can mean outside of ones home
Look it up if you cannot be bothered to look for my previous post

SallyWD · 24/10/2024 09:14

DeireadhFomhair · 24/10/2024 09:04

I think this is the first thread I've read where the majority of posters are NOT blaming the man, and are telling OP she is the U one.
But I don't think OP is getting the message. I don't know the background, to me I can't see what the husband had done wrong?

I often end up defending men if I feel they're being blamed unfairly. However, in this case I can see why OP is a bit pissed off. Her DH has just been with mates to Las Vegas, he has another lads trip to Europe coming up (also this month, I think) and this weekend away. Op's not in the mood to party because she's fed up with doing everything for the baby. She says he doesn't pull his weight at home.
I always argue for parents going away with their mates. I think it's important that you can go away and have fun with friends. But I can see that three times in one month isn't great. It's a lot of time of OP solo parenting while her DH has fun. Also think of the cost!!