To think "pretty privilege" can start really early?

I think there site is full of adults who have warped views on most things so then put these worrying ideas onto their children and blame everyone else

@MontySaucy I know someone like this. It's coming as a shock to her that in middle age, the people who like her solely for her looks aren't the 'right' people for her.

What’s with this tedious desire to label things as a privilege? It feels like nothing more than a petty way of trying to take people down a peg or 2 because of some kind of jealousy.

You don’t have to be pretty to be popular, but it gives you a good head start without any effort on your part.

When I was at school there were a few popular groups and one group was just the ‘pretty girls’ all nice enough and just like everyone else really. They were only really popular because of the way they looked though. Same with the boys, popular because they were good looking not because they had anything else special anyone else didn’t.

I'll second that. I have always been much plainer than my knockout sisters, and so I have made much more of my relationships - have never taken other people's friendship or affection even remotely for granted. Community means so much more to me than it does to them. I've also made much more of a contribution to other people's wellbeing with my life choices, as the only value I could find was by being useful.

Being beautiful, by contrast, ate away at something inside my sisters. Friendship, love and respect just came too easily: they never had to earn them. They were always popular, but as middle age approaches, they are finding life quite lonely, and they are frightened. Cool is not where it's at after 50. Love and respect is.

@Jazminsbutter exactly and not all beautiful people are 'genetically healthy' either!

Not all good looking faces are symmetrical though

I don't agree that being pretty is a privilege. I was stunning as a child, bright green eyes, white hair, rosebud mouth. I grew up basing my entire worth on my looks, I got what I wanted because of my looks and I took advantage of it but nobody took me seriously, nobody ever told me I was good at art or asked what book I was reading. Now I'm middle aged and let myself go to crap, I'm trying to find my worth now I don't have my looks.

I think kids are naturally drawn to kids who are pretty. I think It's unconscious, we are drawn to those who are healthiest, ie nicest teeth, not under or over weight, shiny hair etc from a really young age. Plus we see adults favouring those children, so believe they must be what adults are looking for in children.
It is a privilege, I've got 4 good looking kids, 1 who is particularly so. Everyone is charmed by him, and have been since he was born. He's also funny and kind, and prefers the geeks to the popular cliques. Doesn't stop him getting extra free food from the dinner ladies at his college...or charming his way into getting a life guard job instead of a cleaning one. Being charming didn't help him smile his way through some exams he recently sat and failed though. That was a lesson for him, you actually still need to work...

I think you've just got to accept it's a thing. It's just genetics, no one has any influence over it.
However, be careful what you say and how you treat the pretty kids. It's not their fault, and it's not something to be celebrated. Just treat them like the rest of the kids in your daughters class.

I obviously recognise that being what’s generally considered good looking has lots of advantages, but all this stuff about “pretty privilege” and “popular cliques” just belongs in American high school tv shows to me. Where I’m from it is honestly really rare that anyone is way above average in looks (poor gene pool or something idk 🤷‍♀️) and even if they are it doesn’t mean they will have an easy life at all, in fact the best looking girls from when I was in school have nearly all had really hard lives and been treated really badly by men.
There were groups of very confident girls in my schools that were very often bullies, but they were not all particularly attractive.
I come from an area where there are a lot of social problems, looks don’t seem to make much difference here. I think maybe where pretty privilege comes in is where people are all ready privileged all round and having naturally good looks just gives an extra social advantage.

X-posted. This post baffled me, too. I wasn’t going to make it as a beauty queen, but my former beauty queen friend certainly made it in academia.

My dd is really short and thin and both strangers and known people are always commenting on her height (or lack thereof). The kids in her class have been making comments about and pointing out how short she is since year 1. They also don't take her seriously and often run her over.

Complete strangers who sometimes start random conversations with us actually say in front of her 'oh she's really tiny, isn't she?' Once they come to know her age.

Maybe I'm imagining it but I'm also starting to wonder if kids tend to prefer white kids (in the uk). Not because they are racist but just because they are more used to seeing white faces. Non white kids seem to be left out more easily in a group setting

But there’s nothing stopping anyone with any types of looks ‘developing their minds’. I have a doctorate, as do many of my friends of both sexes, and the women range from ravishingly pretty to completely ordinary looking and all in between. One of my DPhil cohort had won a beauty pageant in her home country! (She’s now in her 50s and tenured at an Ivy League and still very good-looking.) I don’t think beauty prevents you doing anything.

I kind of understand what you're getting at but I'm baffled by the suggestion that someone pretty isn't also free to develop their mind, do a PhD or have a career.

But babies themselves show a preference for more attractive faces.

Because we're hardwired to find symmetrical, healthy looking people attractive. It means they're not carrying obvious disease and are genetically healthy.

Yes, we can and should learn that everyone has value. But you can't ignore the hardwiring.

Oh god yes. I was not an attractive child and it wasn’t just the kids it was many adults as well. They assume kids don’t notice stuff like that but they do!

The popular clique in my school were the all rounders, attractive, sporty and academic with a bit of money. I expect it’s still similar in most school cliques.

Vend? Bend. Dunno, maybe they vend - and procure - to them too.

I also agree with this too. I’ve definitely seen ‘pretty privilege’ when I was in secondary school, but a lot of the ‘popular girls’ were just really scary and mean so it was more people were terrified of them and therefore made them ‘popular’ 🙃

One of my dc is objectively good looking but the dc who is popular is far more charismatic & funny.

Yes you're right, in terms of adults starting to treat them with kid gloves and vend to their whims. Noticeable. Not healthy.

I didn’t experience much of it in infant school but definitely did in later primary school, like years 4, 5, 6. Or maybe I was just blind to it happening 😂

It sounds like you’re projecting your own lack of self esteem onto your 5 year old tbh. Does cliques mean what it means when people complain about it on MN, i.e. people who are female having relationships with each other?

Is it really a "privilege" to be pretty? As someone who has been called that and other terms throughout my life, I don't know.

I think it is. Obviously everyone has different beauty ideals but I’m pretty in a generic catalogue model way & have found people are nice to me, including lots of women.