To think "pretty privilege" can start really early?

Same with one of my 15 year olds. Really smart and shy. She's got really good and close friends but definitely isn't hugely popular or given a lot of special treatment for being pretty.

I genuinely think all children are beautiful. I've never seen a child I didn't think was beautiful. It has literally NOTHING to do with 'big blue eyes/blonde hair.'

If pushed, I probably have a soft spot for dark-haired kids who look like well-loved/fed glowing little Italian cherubs, as that's who I grew up with!

I think it goes both ways. My niece is beautiful (objectively) with long golden hair. She is being bullied by 3 girls (all aged 8) who all seem particularly jealous of her hair and try to make her miserable in any way they can.

I don’t know. My DD (16) is beautiful. Said by everyone, not me being biased. She’s also academically brilliant, but very shy. She’s never had beauty bias, i don’t know whether the shyness changes it, but its definitely not something she’s ever had.

Yeah I find this odd, I’m asian though so for me maybe beauty is a bit different. Theres a narrower band of hair colour for one thing so you end up noticing facial features more than colouring. One of the most beautiful children I know is black. Not many people pay attention to her but she’s bloody gorgeous.

Yeah, I was gonna say to the pp saying "I'm lost now that I'm older and I've lost my looks" you can still be very attractive in old age.

My mum is in her 60s, has always been beautiful, and even now men follow her around and approach her in public.

I went to a wedding recently and a man in his 50s got drunk and told me he loved my mum! It was bizarre.

But basically, I don't believe that women stop being attractive when they age. Aging doesn't make you unattractive imo - maybe the pp are too harsh on themselves

Both my sisters are far better-looking than I am, but neither had a particularly easy ride through school. Both invested hugely in friendships as adults and are happy and professionally successful in middle age.

I think it's rubbish because most young women can conform to such a degree (if they want) that they'll be "pretty" - by that I mean, averagely attractive. Take a look in any town centre on a Sat night- swimming with ordinary nubile lovely young women dolled up to the nines. You don't have to be anything special to achieve this. It's age that's the defining factor. I'm no beauty, 6/10 on a good day. Men couldn't contain themselves around me as a young woman. It's an age, not a beauty thing.

I think there is a spectrum really and they vary at different points. My two have very different heights and frames. The little one is small and cute and I suspect gets away with a lot in school and childcare because of it (teachers think she’s an angel etc). My other one is very tall and is jealous of the small one but in later life I’m sure that will be reversed and the advantages of being tall will become more apparent.

I find this irritating as a concept tbh. It just feels like misogyny in ‘pretty children’. It’s not being ‘pretty’ it’s often confidence, charisma and looking very healthy/stylish. Not actually because they’re pretty.

I agree, OP. All the mums, aunties, mums' friends, and dads of "my gorgeous blonde princess" who can't help themselves but ooh and aah over little girls do start creating girls/women with such internalised superior beauty complex and perpetuate pretty privilege. I'm sure most don't realise they're doing it though, it's a cycle.

And true beauty dims but it doesn’t go away. Someone is who is actually beautiful or handsome tends to remain so in old age.

Also, to be fair, I know a lovely, lovely 7 year old. She is considerably overweight but is very cutely cheeky and is adorable to everyone. So sweet and could not be mean to save her life. She is liked by everyone. But even then, people find a way to make fun of her weight. Kids specifically ignore her due to that. And she is sensitive and cries a lot over it. It is heart-breaking.

I really really love being attractive to men

No it absolutely does not. Are you seriously saying that all people who develop disease or are born with congenital conditions are ugly / unattractive.

Just go on a children’s ward for cancer I dare you.

Not at all. DD is objectively pretty (big blue eyes, blond hair)

I never understand the above. Having blonde hair or blue eyes doesn’t mean you are pretty. You might be but that will be down to your features & bone structure.

Men are held to different standards than women.
YANBU OP.
I'm not 'pretty' but have easily dolled up features (good skin and a slim figure). The difference in pretty mode is remarkable.
As a child the better looking ones got away with more.

You know we can argue about unconscious bias etc all we want. But we're animals at the end of the day. Some instincts are hardwired, like beauty = good. There's nothing we can do about it.

I can see what you mean. I have 5 DC who are all objectively beautiful - I know I sound like I'm trying to show off but they are genuinely very conventionally pretty and cute when they are younger.

But the thing is, it's more to do with personality. I have twin daughters who are identical and 15 and one is a lot more extroverted than the other. So one has always had a really large friendship group and very chatty and the other has her close set of good friends and is more calm. Kids naturally went to talk to my chatty twin as the other takes her time to warm up to people. Despite the fact that they are identical.

My 6 year old is currently in Year 1 and is also very chatty and has lots of friends and is very well loved. I think this is more because she comes across as adorable 😁

But then my 9 year old is currently in Year 5 and she is very pretty but really quiet due to her anxiety. She doesn't have a lot of friends and people don't tend to approach her. The thing is, she doesn't get made fun of. And it's so sad but I see overweight children for example get made fun of a lot and they are rarely popular, especially when younger. It's hard to decide because there are obviously quiet people who are gorgeous and then more popular people who perhaps aren't as conventionally pretty. But I definitely think there could be a part.

I do have a son too and it's quite different for him as well.

This does just seem like I'm bragging about my kids tbh but I promise I do have a point!!

I don't think it's necessarily an advantage. My DD is cute and petite and has a tendency to burst into tears if she doesn't get her own way. I don't think this is very good for her. She's 10, and makes her own lunch once or twice a week. Last week she forgot and told the school office she'd left it at home and I will bet my last penny she looked tearful and cute in the school office to get them to ring us.
She wanted DH to make her lunch and bring it but we have told her if she wants packed lunch she can make it (the school lunches are easier all round and more varied).

I have been a very plain kid, a very 'attractive' young woman, and now a FAR less 'attractive' older woman. I didn't realise how much people reacted to the way I looked until I didn't look that good any more.

It took a while for me to adjust, tbh. I went from being desired by many people, to the complete opposite. I had around 20 years of being told how beautiful I was, and then I got older, bigger and swapped my little City suits and heels for overalls (I became a metalworker). I became invisible, and I prefer it so much.

I look back at 25 year old me being leered at by men older enough to be my father/grandfather, and I wish I'd told them to fuck off. I just accepted it. At the time, I thought it was great, but I wish I'd known better and had some strong female guidance at that point.

I'm so, so much happier now.

I am considered very attractive

particularly when younger.
in fact I genuinely thought there was no point in being on this earth if you weren’t attractive to men.

now I am older, I have lost my way, I don’t see myself as having a purpose

Yes true, all that symmetry = beauty = good health/genes is Bs perpetuated by incels and super vain types on tick tock / YouTube.

I have a ds and dd at nursery. My ds is very conventionally cute. (To me they’re both equally adorable). The difference in how the staff react to them is noticeable. They gush over my son, and their eyes light up. My daughter is just another kid.

One of the most likeable kids I know who seems to easily get on with anyone is cute but also quite overweight. She’s got the loveliest personality and will stop for a chat with anyone, she’s got a really big heart and seems to make friends easily. One of the most beautiful smiles because it’s really genuine and she looks actually really pleased to see people. I think she makes people feel like they are liked and that matters a lot.

I think theres a difference between what people think is “popular” and attractive on the surface and “likeable”. I think likability is probably the most important thing.

I agree with those who have said it is not necessarily a privilege. Having dirty old men (or not so old men) letch over you or worse from your teenage years which happens to many women considered pretty or attractive is not something I view positively.