To think "pretty privilege" can start really early?

cliques start early but I don't think it's to do with 'pretty' privilege.

This. Same experience, same concerns about primary age daughter.

I remember that too- I think it was in Child of Our Time!

I've had it happen, as an adult. Not to really toot my own horn but I'm definitely attractive, was even more when I was younger. It took a long time to really see it due to bullying in school (I'm on the spectrum, and was pretty weird in school). My looks get commented on a lot, sometimes by perfect strangers, both men and women. I've experienced terrible bullying at jobs by women. The worst was a woman who made my work hell. I was getting sick at work and eventually had to go to the bosses to get it taken care of. She tried to say I was a terrible employee but my job performance was good. Eventually I found out that she was making a lot of snide comments about my looks to others, and accused me of trying to sleep with the male coworkers, despite the fact that I was in a committed same sex relationship. I also got her job eventually so I clearly wasn't bad. Women can be terrible to other women.

I probably miss-remembering an old Robert Winston documentary, but the documentary said the thing that is most helpful to kids making friends on their first day of school is making them look nice...eg. shiny shoes and nice hair bobbles.

I can sort of see what he means, when DS2 (4) goes to a birthday party they do comment on each others clothes in a 'I have dinosaurs on my top too, let's be dinosaurs' sort of way.

Absolutely right. One of my boys was a naughty cheeky little boy and then teenager. He never got in trouble, and was described as “charming” “lively” “good fun” “quick witted” “confident” etc etc all because he was exceptionally good looking. We have often said that he would not have got away with half the stuff he done if he didn’t look the way he did.

I grew up around mixed, so it was really weird for me when I was suddenly changed from "mate" to "someone I want to fuck". I do have some wonderful male friends, and I cherish them. But I remember when I felt I had to start being careful too, and it was a bit sad. I just wanted to carry on playing archery or whatever it was we were doing.

@GiddyRobin it could be I’m just shite at reading people 😆

@GiddyRobin thinking about when I was younger I was careful around boys & not wanting to give them the wrong idea but I think lots of girls/women to that.

I'm probably a 5 on a good day but was blessed with beautiful DC. It's always surprised me how easily they make friends, always pass interviews and attract people.

DS's year 3 teacher (he's 29 now) told me he was too good looking for his own good, at one of his parent's evenings.

Any competition DD entered when young, she always won. The next question was usually would she appear on their website or be a brand ambassador. One event it was particularly noticeable at was a Halloween event thrown by a fairly large company. DD won, despite her only wearing a cheap supermarket outfit. There was a similar aged child in the exact same outfit but she had adapted it and had her face painted to really look the part. I heard her DM complaining as we left. Life is definitely easier if you're pretty.

Yes, I've noticed this too, and DD is one of those mature, bright, cool kids you mention (thank goodness, DH and I were the opposite and had a horrible time at school) but I also notice that all of her little "cool" friendship group fit into the traditionally attractive bracket too. They all have nice teeth, nice hair, perfect skin. Maybe it's that kids from those sorts of middle-class backgrounds tend to be well fed and groomed? Maybe it's that clever men with good jobs marry beautiful women and have clever, beautiful children? (Doesn't really apply to us but maybe others?)

It’s definitely not just kids, adults participate in this too.

My DD10 is quite shy and wears glasses so although she has a good group of pals at school, she is not part of the popular clique.

But whenever we are out and about interacting with adults in stores, I am quite shocked at how frequently adults comment to her about how beautiful she is.

She has quite a classical doll-like face and comes across as quite composed and poised (think ideal ballerina beauty) so I think it is the kind of beauty that catches the attention of adults rather than kids.

It could be! I'm small and I'm in publishing so it's more men than women usually, same growing up in education. So it's a possibility! Maybe it just depends. I'm really glad (genuinely, no sarcasm!) that you've not experienced it. It's not nice and such a fucking drag.

@GiddyRobin I genuinely don’t have more than a handful of times a man or women has been horrible to me & I have no idea if it was because of the way I look. I think it helps that I’ve worked in female dominated industries & maybe my personality? I’m pretty confident & im tall which I think helps.

I'm a bit baffled by the question because yes, obviously.

Don't you remember being at school and wanting to be pretty so you could be in the popular group?

I wasn't pretty as a kid, but I sort of blossomed in the summer before I started Uni. My AAs turned into Es overnight and I learned how to do my make-up. Then I got there and was suddenly overwhelmed with male attention. I definitely noticed the privilege in going from not pretty to pretty! Maybe if you're always pretty it just seems normal and you think it's like that for everyone?

I do think it's strange though that we pick as being an attribute we shouldn't celebrate or appreciate. Intelligence is just as random, for one example, and it's OK to be proud of being intelligent or put intelligence as the most important quality in a partner.

My younger daughter has always been extremely pretty, but it's more than that - there is an energy about her which draws people in. She has pretty bad learning difficulties and asd and basically people just wouldn't believe it because she was so pretty. I had all the reports, letters of diagnosis and her year 6 teacher told me "I don't believe she is autistic". At her PIP face to face assessment the assessor basically wrote "she comes across so well she can't possibly be eligible" and she was turned down - I complained and it was overturned. She went to a special needs school and even there other parents would ask why she was there.

Being pretty is like an entry card into a different world imo. People make all sorts of assumptions about what you can do even in the face of hard evidence.

Please, pretty privilege starts from the day you are born. 😂 I know from experience as I have 2 children, one prettier than the other in some classical features and this one has been getting free treats, compliments on the street etc for years. :) so ya it starts very early :)

Yes, I've had that too. I'm pretty in a less generic way, but I've had people behave awfully with me. I don't see it as a privilege. I'm not saying I want to be ugly. I like how I look. But I also don't think it's easy, maybe it depends on the people you've met.

Men have always been really awful with me, apart from DH. And I still get it now. I hate going to conferences because I know what I'll get in the meet ups after. I've read emails from people saying I don't know what I'm talking about and referring to my face. It's horrible. It made me want to shrink.

Didn't, but it's still always there.

EDIT: I don't mean catalogue models are generic. I mean more that about me. I think I look odd. Very small, big eyes, high cheekbones. Men used to scream about Kate Bush at me, and I fucking HATED it. To the point my long hair is gone.

Well i must be very shallow because unlike others on here I want to remain good-looking for as long as possible! I just think it gives me an easier ride & I don’t want to have to work harder 😆😆

Kids do go through phases and one can seem pretty one minute then gawky with adult teeth too big for the mouth the next.

Yep this. I have already said but my 9 year old has anxiety and quiet and can come across as slightly weird. But she is really pretty so people aren't as inclined to bully her and tend to ignore her instead. Which she prefers!

You can have pretty privilege and not be in the majority. DD has no friends, is autistic and has selective mutism. But she’s very pretty, kind of like a doll, and it does help. It keeps the teasing for her other issues at bay, to an extent.

There's some truth here too. I have totally lost my "looks" as a result of illness and medication and in all honesty it feels like a relief as much as anything. I think all the years of being sexually assaulted on nights out etc. made me want to just vanish anyway

I'm totally at peace in my body and not remotely tempted to pump toxins into my face to fend off ageing etc. I'd rather spend the money on another book or a holiday

But then that could also be due to following more trends, make-up, hair etc. That has a big impact on who's seen as 'pretty' in a teen environment doesn't it.

@NoahsTortoise yep, I remember there was one girl at my school who I always thought was very pretty but she was indifferent and more of a loner, never joined in etc. She was seen as a bit odd but most of us thought she was pretty.