To think "pretty privilege" can start really early?

What an awful thing to say to you. It's just bloody depressing, isn't it? You can't win, even if you don't put in the "effort" the comments still come but then they change. I'm 30s now and it's still going on; thankfully I've developed a thicker skin, but it still smarts.

@Clippyklop
Oh the knock back is always the worst. Like you owe them something just because you happened to exist near them. I remember giving one man my number but we had nothing in common; all he could do was talk about how attractive I was. He was enraged when I turned him down, saying I'm a stuck up bitch who thinks I'm too good looking for him. Amusing as it was him doing the talking about looks.

The catty stuff is just so horrible. I remember one part time office job had me in tears daily as a younger woman, the men were letches and the women just hated me no matter how nice I was. The conversations I overheard were so spiteful.

I remember this from my own infant school. Most of us had short hair (70s) but one girl was blonde with long hair and pretty..She was popular. By junior school I realised she had quite an unkind personality. So it hadn't been her personality that made her popular

Yes, there's a privilege which comes with being symmetrical, attractive, athletic and intelligent.

You aren't going to change that by complaining about it. It's built in.

That's not to say people can't be horrible to you for the same reason, however. It's also a burden.

It's definitely a thing. I was in an accident as a toddler that damaged my face. People used to be quite funny with me. They'd assume I was grumpy and unhappy and I'd always hear, cheer up love it might never happen. I never got away with anything and several times I was blamed for things I hadn't done because I was the 'type'. I didn't really have a lot of close friends either.

Then when I was a teenager, I grew into my face and you couldn't see the scars really anymore. I'm blonde and quite petite. Oh, now everyone suddenly wants to be nice to me! I've never struggled to get a boyfriend, friends, or a job.

So yep, as an ugly duckling, I can assure you how you look affects how people treat you. People are definitely nicer to you if you're pretty.

What can we do to make sure we are all clones, with equal looks, intelligence, strength, confidence, health etc. to make sure this doesn't happen? The world is the world, it's unfair at its core, but the alternative is far far worse.

And stereotypes are BS, you can be blond and a natural beauty.

How offensive, you can be blond and not 'fake', I have Scandinavian heritage, family and over 80% of the country are blond!

This is also my exact experience growing up. The 'you don't look anything like your sister' and 'they are so different aren't they?' and the pretty one, clever one thing. I think that last one actually harmed my sister as well as she is convinced she is stupid against all the evidence. My own daughter is actually one of those blue eyed blondes (and is very pretty - looks more like my sister) but is only on the edge of the popular group as she is massively geeky/ one of the clever ones and not at all bothered about fashion etc. The popular group is I think more based on fashion, being sporty, having money than on looks (though all of them are pretty (as are others in her class) none of them are stunning or the most stunning in the class) . I do think my daughter does benefit from her looks in that she does not actually get picked on (unlike me) and the popular girls are friendly with her (which they are not with the other more geeky ones). I do think being pretty/ acceptable looking/ popular at primary school has a lifelong effect on your confidence and how you feel about yourself. Which leads to confidence, which leads to 'luck' etc etc

Yep when I was younger any minor imperfection was picked up on by some catty women. A colleague told me I was just there for the eye candy. I highly doubt that as I am in a profession that requires degree and masters study and am good at my role.

Do you think? I've found that a lot of children who are consistent high achievers are also very pretty. Maybe because they are often from a well off background which means they are always well groomed and well fed, good dental care etc.

There are always the outliers (the classic "geeky" ones, who often turn out to be stunners when they get to the age they start paying attention to how they look) and the naturally beautiful kids who struggle academically, but I'd say in the average primary school classroom, the brightest kids are often the most physically attractive.

Sometimes feels a bit unfair.

@GiddyRobin

Yes as the sheer rage and nastiness when they get knocked back . Add to that cattiness from other women too .

I think I look odd. I didn't say I do. That's different.

Men are awful to attractive women; fawning over them is part of it, but there's a million other things that come with that too. I'm not focusing on those things because that isn't the point of my post. There are some men who will fawn and there are some men who will just shout filth, it depends where you are. If your lucky existence hasn't met with both of them, then good for you.

I've also has men rush to behave much the same, but also men writing full emails of sheer depravity over what they'd like to do to me, men following me, whole tables of men discussing me, male "friends" who have ended up coming onto me waxing lyrical about my beauty and thus ruining friendships. It's a double edged sword and perhaps you've never been privy to that, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I don't want either the fawning or the disgusting comments - I'd prefer to just exist.

I'm sorry, but it does.

I have a large and prominent birthmark. It looks like a wound. In fact, it's been mistaken for such a few times.

Psychologically we are wired to avoid disease because our monkey brains don't know which are contagious or not.

I'm not saying that people with congenital diseases etc CAN'T be attractive, or that they don't have value. The opposite, in fact.

But it doesn't help to deny the way we are wired to react to the signs of illness or genetic issues. It helps to understand how our brains react to them and mitigate that, rather than pretend that our brains don't react that way.

I find your comments about children's cancer wards rather crass. Ask their parents if they wanted their children beautiful or healthy.

This was certainly the case when I was small...and I was not the 'pretty one' in my family 😢 My sister was the 'blond haired, blue eyed beauty' whilst I was the mousy haired, rather plain looking one...and boy did I know it!

It was always a point of 'observation' when out with my mum and sister...comments like 'oh they're so different aren't they?' (This was one of the kinder comments!) I was often directly asked (as the older sister), 'Are you jealous of your pretty little sister?' Just awful! 😞

My relatives (mum in particular, but also grandparents and aunts/uncles) would 'joke' that my sister was 'the pretty one' but I was 'the clever one'.

This was true...I was 'clever' (and so was my sister) but bloody hell...at 13 or 14, I really did want to be at least 'halfway decent looking' too 😢

I still carry this negative view of myself around now, aged 60...I'm 'the clever one' and my sister is 'the pretty one'. These seemingly harmless comments towards children have long term consequences unfortunately. It has affected my sister negatively too...she has always believed that she's just not clever, which is untrue, and this affected her confidence at school terribly 😢

Agree with this too - my dc are all AuDHD and are all very good looking - I do think they have had an easier time because of their looks (although dd was welcomed in and then kicked out of the ‘popular’ group in year 7, which was a tough year for her - she has learned to find friends who suit her now thankfully).

However, it was a mixed bag for me - as an undiagnosed ADHDer who attracted a lot of attention from men I did get myself into some dodgy situations - at least I am able to learn from my experiences and protect my dd from the same kind of thing.

You’re absolutely right. Speaking as a very plain primary school age child with sticking out teeth and glasses.

DS's teacher admitted he got away with stuff because of his pretty face.

It’s more than looks you need charisma and charm and to be fun and powerful to be popular which usually goes hand in hand with being good looking but not always.

It’s definitely a massive advantage though there are downsides. Have one who is normal and one objectively stunning. I have definitely had some weirdness from a few mums who have dds in Dd2s year never had that vibe with normal looking dd1 adults more warmly predisposed to her than to her stunning sister. There’s a resentment there. It’s weird.

Ahh yes, a couple of studies in America makes it fact for everyone…

Let’s play this game out then, I was pretty, I was also abused by my father at 3, so I guess you might have ‘not abused by your family’ privilege? I was raised by a single mother, so others have ‘raised in a nuclear family’ privilege. I was raised in poverty so you may have ‘not raised in poverty’ privilege. Due to that I was thin, so I guess I at least had skinny privilege, right? I had to leave home at 16 and so couldn’t go into higher education, so others have privilege there right?

Its a terrible attitude to life, I’m proud of what I’ve over come and made for myself. Very few people get dealt a perfect hand in life and there’s nothing helpful in sitting around whining about how others have it easier because of such a shallow insight into their life such as the way they look.

It's because they think the Barbie doll is going to be easy. They think the average brunette is smarter and has the measure of them . It's stereotyping .

Kids this age either have pretty privilege or clever privlege. It’s really rare for a child to have both.

It is fact https://www.theladders.com/career-advice/11-scientific-reasons-why-attractive-people-are-more-successful-in-life

It's not something I've ever worried or complained about. I've done Ok in my life and and am happy with how things have turned out for me, but how attractive we are does make a difference to the way we get treated.

This is what I think. I'm average looking so have had an average amount of attention from men. I do have two friends that are stunning and the level of attention they get blows my mind. They can go to supermarket in joggers and a hoodie and get so many comments from men. I really don't see how this is a privilege. I suppose if you like attention, it's great, but it's my idea of hell.
Another poster commented that people are always nice to her and like her because she's pretty and I'm sure that's true - but is it really that satisfying to have people like you based on something so superficial? I'm quite shy so people don't always warm to me but I love it when they get to know me and start appreciating me for who I am. My character.
Looking back at the compliments I've received in my life, I've had a few people say I'm pretty or beautiful. Ok, that's certainly nice and makes me smile but it doesn't mean much. It's the comments I've had on my personality that really stick with me. They're far more meaningful. Your personality stays with you forever and continues to develop, whereas your looks fade.

No, it’s not a fact, it does not apply to everyone considered attractive, and if you want to whine about the ‘privilege’ then you have to acknowledge the bad side that comes with it.

Everyone seems so keen to paint themselves as a victim these days by pointing at others and claiming they have privilege; THAT behaviour is what’s unattractive.