Told mum that DSIS was being entitled. She told me I’m wrong. AIBU?

There are 219,424 solicitors registered in England and just under 18,000 barristers.

In 2022 there were 29,000 students accepted into undergraduate degrees. In the same year just 7,000 were registered as solicitors.

So note, out of 50 years of graduates, there are approximately 220,000 solicitors.

There are a total of approximately 5,000 magic circle solicitors.

I hope those statistics wake your sister up.

“my MIL has a Christmas party every year and my sister and mother are not attending this year because they’re so angry at BIL. In fact, my mother said that she and my sister would only attend if BIL “came good” and helped her properly.”

How fucking pathetic. And ironic, seeing as if your sister attended she might be able to talk to BIL in more relaxed setting and make a good impression / get more advice. But she’d rather act like a spoilt toddler who got told no. And your mum? Speechless…

She's going to need a thicker skin than that to work in the highly competitive and ruthless law industry. Falling out with people over such things is not showing she's got great calibre.
She must take whatever advice he's given her and move forward in her own way. It's not as if he's just going to hand her a job, or even an interview. She needs to do that for herself.
Your family need to butt out as well. She's an adult and it's up to her to try and further her career.
Be supportive to her of course, but she's not owed anything off this other guy with his 'big' job. It's a shame he wasn't more 'helpful', but it's just one of those things.

So did you not check with BIL first?

I agree that they have taken it too far but why volunteer someone?

Oh I bet DSis expected him to gush on about how wonderful it is and offer some sort of job/internship and big up how great she'd be at it..

And he was probably pretty realistic about it being hard work and how she'd have to apply properly... and thats not what she wanted to hear thus 'he was unhelpful'...

I think you just have to let them stew, I don't think anything you can say will alter their view of how this went and who is responsible!

It is one of those industries where knowing people can be very helpful when it comes to getting pupilage. But you are right, you also need to work really hard and at the stage she is at, an introduction to someone is potentially all you need- its a possible useful contact for the future and its better to think about it like that than expecting him to just give her a route map at this stage.

Jesus Christ they are absolutely delusional. She needs to get off her arse and help herself rather than rely on someone she barely knows for handouts that they couldn’t even give if they wanted to.

I could have written that myself 🤣 my sister also did not have a father. I truly think she believes it’s her and her mum against the world. They do everything together. Whereas myself and my brother see our mum maybe 3 or 4 times a year (we live in different parts of the country, my sister lives in the same road 🤣)

your mother sounds the one that is out of touch and entitled

Agree with this - it sounds like they were totally unrealistic about what he could ever offer. In firms like that, you can’t just bring in a random person for experience when there are (very competitive) application processes. IMO it was pretty nice of him to take a call at all, given the hours he’ll be working at a magic circle firm, which will often be well into the next morning. As OP acknowledges, he doesn’t know this girl or owe her anything, and he could have been perfectly helpful but it sounds like anything short of a job offer was going to be sniffed at.

In all honesty, I know very little about the world of law.

I don’t think you’re alone in that in your family…

Don’t get me wrong - I'm no expert either. But the lawyers I’ve met in my time have all had hides like a rhino. I can’t imagine any of them still bellyaching over a disappointing phone call three months later. How’s your sister going to handle a profession that can be extremely cut-throat if she can’t cope with mild disappointment?

Imagine her as a barrister. Not so much, “Objection, your honour” as “But that’s not faaaaaaiiiirrrr!! Your honour, he’s being so mean!!!” Maybe a few tears for good measure…

Give them his email address and number and tell then to take it up with him directly.

Do not do this!!!

They have a problem with the BIL not you. Give them his email address and number and tell then to take it up with him directly.

If they whinge on about it to you, just say it's not your problem.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

I’ve a feeling this goes much deeper than your BIL being a bit unhelpful.
I also have a much younger sister, and although I love the bones of her, she’s incredibly entitled and spoilt. Because myself and our Brother (there’s only a year between us in ages, but our sister is over a decade younger than us) moved out when she was still very small, she essentially grew up an only child and has had everything her way and everything she wants, her whole life.
I could see her behaving in the exact same way

Oh if you haven't spoken to your sister I wouldn't even worry, she may have shrugged it off without thinking!

Your mother probably forced your sister to make the call and then got a mouthful when it was a mildly humiliating waste of time, so she's still sore.

I suspect in their world 'not very helpful' means 'didn't immediately offer her a partnership'. And whatever you said about him being willing to talk to her, what they heard was that he'd give her a job.

The way it sounds like Mummy's little precious has been brought up she wouldn't expect anything less and neither would her adoring mother. What he had to say might actually have been very helpful to someone who genuinely wanted to break into the industry rather than have a job handed on a plate.

If she's so furious, she must have expected that your BIL would definitely offer her an internship or a job which was crazy. Does she not understand now that her expectations were completely unrealistic?

It's really unfair of her to take it out on you. I'd get quite cross with her if I were you and definitely stop apologising.

I'm not sure entitled is the word I would pick, but she is definitely delusional if she thinks she can get a job or internship in any large firm through a vague family connection like this. If that's really what she was hoping for when talking to your BIL then it's not surprising she found him unhelpful. Not only is there a pool of candidates already, but there is a strict application process to follow.

What she could get is inside knowledge about the firm, tips on how to get there if her experience isn't good enough already, review of her CV, and maybe some good contacts from smaller firms that would be happy to take her on. She would be stupid not to take advantage of that.

I think if you hyped him up a bit and he was an arse it’s not exactly surprising that they’re still mentioning it, especially if she hasn’t found a job elsewhere.

I probably wouldn’t have risen to this or reacted other than to say yes he’s a bit of an arse, DSIS you might want to think about whether this is the career for you if they’re all like that. But just chalk it up to experience and next time be less helpful!!