Told mum that DSIS was being entitled. She told me I’m wrong. AIBU?

If you google firm he is at all the info will be there. I’d show your mum.
eg I’ve just googled Linklaters vacation scheme (so 2/3 weeks work experience)
To get a place it’s 4 hoops to jump through 1. Application form with academics 2. Online Capp assessment 3. Watson Glaser Critical Thinking Test 4. In person assessment day.
Your mum and SIL are bonkers if they think a quick call to a distant relative can bypass all that.

There’s a whole mechanism for vacation placements, internships, training contracts at Magic Circle. Lots of testing and sifting as thousands apply. Your sister and mum sound wholly out of touch. It’s not the1950s and can you find a spot for my godson.

If he was a partner in a small one man band firm then he might have been able to have her come in for a few days work experience but that’s not how it works in large firms.
I’d have expected a quick call and signposting to schemes they offer.
How are your sister’s academics? If she’s got less than A star/A grades at A level and a degree from an ex poly he may have been very frank that she’s barking up wrong tree.
He may have been helpful but not what she wanted to hear.

This is exactly the attitude so many young graduates seem to show these days. They come in with the expectation that people who have worked there for years and years, slogging their way towards the top, will just sit down with them and hand over all their knowledge, contacts, and put them in the right roles to just completely bypass that stage, and be dropped in right to where they want to end up.

Edit* not ALL graduates, but a sizeable portion.

The call was between your sister and BIL, nothing to do with you. If the call wasn't helpful, then that's hardly your fault. What exactly was your sister expecting?!!! It sounds to me, as if she'd made up a nice little scenario in head, that your BIL would be so bowled over by her, that he'd offer her an internship on the spot!!! Your BIL may be very successful, he's probably worked extremely hard to become successful, as it's a competitive industry to enter - but it doesn't mean he's in a position to offer that kind of opportunity! I'm sorry to say but yes your sister is behaving entitled. She needs to work damn hard, create her own opportunities and stop trying to expect a handout! Your Mum is enabling your sister's behaviour too. Not your responsibility.

I suspect your BIL worked damn hard to get where he is (and by the sounds of it, still does), and doesn’t see why he should offer opportunities that he didn’t have himself. I don’t blame him. You need to have a stern word with your mother about her immature attitude and behaviour before relationships are completely destroyed.

Do NOT give his details out. This is appalling advice, especially for something that is so incredibly trivial. What are they going to say to him anyway. ‘Oh, poor me, my mummy is cross because you didn’t help me get a foot in the door’. How pathetic. Her reputation will be in tatters and she will be blacklisted completely. People in the sector know each other and they talk.

So, your mother hung up the phone on you in a huff, and she is talking about you taking ‘sides’. This is staggeringly immature behaviour. I bet she sulks when she doesn’t get her own way too, right?

I don’t understand why your mother and sister seem to think are you have responsible for your sister’s career success? Surely she wants to achieve her career goals on merit, hard work and taking opportunities rather than hoping her sister can put in a good word. Even if the conversation had resulted in an internship, she would have had to prove herself and would have your BIL to thank for the opportunity, not you.

1. you tried to help, your intentions were good, it’s just a shame that it didn’t work out.
2. not very nice of your BIL to let your sister down, but he may well just be very busy with his work and life and that’s life, unfortunately. Your sis needs to learn to suck it up as this is the real world and your mum should be encouraging her to do the same.
3. it’s not your fault that your BIL didn’t / couldn’t oblige.
4. nobody owes your sister a job, nobody at all. Not an internship, or an interview. She should be getting her big girl pants on, and learning that. Your mother is babying her, by even suggesting such entitled behaviour.

@Lampshadeeey I've been in exactly this situation with family and unfortunately the relationship never recovered.

Nephew did a plumbing course at college. Struggled to find a job.

Husbands cousin is a self employed plumber and I got involved and nephew was taken on as a plumbers assistant type thing.

He really struggled. Wasn't suited to it, made some big mistakes etc which he had been repeatedly warned about. Husbands cousin sacked him.

Sister went ballistic. Despite the fact I a) had nothing to do with him being sacked and b) was in no way close to husbands cousin or took his "side" at all.

All I did was make the introduction and put a good word in for him.

Sister didn't speak to me for over a year. She is now civil but curt with me and that's it. This was over 10 years ago and it has affected our whole family.

Nephew admits he was dreadful at plumbing, went back to college, did another very different course, but still struggled to find a job and is now long term unemployed.

Sister is and always has been very entitled. Everything is somebody else's fault. Totally flew off the handle about that despite my not being at fault at all.

I don't know what you can other than repeat that it's disappointing he couldn't be more help, but stress that that is not your fault.

‘Just because he offered to talk to you about being a lawyer doesn’t mean he was obligated to offer you a job, or that he even has the power to do that. It’s a pity you didn’t find it helpful but I think you expected too much. Now please forget about it and move on cos I’m tired of hearing about it’.

So your sister wants to become a lawyer but behaves like a brat because… why exactly? What did she EXPECT? Sorry OP but your mum and sister both sound immature. Tell them it’s the last time you’ll arrange anything for them because they are behaving entitled and unthankful and their behaviour is just embarrassing.

This makes me wonder if your BIL (poor sod) was maybe more practical and realistic than "unhelpful". It sounds like your mother and sister's idea of helpful would have been for him to give her a job, or facilitate her job-getting elsewhere.

I think this probably nails it. Unrealistic expectations combined with the fact that the BIL forgot the original call have changed the narrative to him being unhelpful, when in reality he probably gave reasonable if generic advice.

Just to add, that my MIL has a Christmas party every year and my sister and mother are not attending this year because they’re so angry at BIL. In fact, my mother said that she and my sister would only attend if BIL “came good” and helped her properly. This was the point where I told my mother that my sister was acting entitled.

This makes me wonder if your BIL (poor sod) was maybe more practical and realistic than "unhelpful". It sounds like your mother and sister's idea of helpful would have been for him to give her a job, or facilitate her job-getting elsewhere.

I think your MIL probably has a lucky escape in store for her, although your mother sounds more the instigator of the hystrionics than your sister.

Don't a lot of law graduates have to work as paralegals first these days to get a foothold in the door and an eventual contract? Couldn't your sister do paralegal work in the meantime?

As a million PPs have said - being a big shot lawyer is really not a nepotistic thing vs other jobs. My friends and acquaintances who are partners in big firms or doing interesting criminal work are there off the back of good grades and relentless hours at the beginning (corporate law training contracts require a LOT of hours) - once you’ve got the grades + the polish to get you in the system, it’s a pretty straightforward path for most people. Some move along it further than others. That’s largely internal politics.

@Lampshadeeey - I think above advice from @Andoutcomethewolves is excellent, and I would suggest you show it to your mother and sister, or at least tell them about it! Maybe they don't want to hear it?

This. My DH is an academic lawyer and he often gets people asking how they or their child can become a barrister or solicitor and it’s like they think he can pull strings for them!

I think some people believe that's how nepotism works - they'll give anyone they know a job - these jobs are not about what you know it's who you know - don't you know!😂

Really? You’d assume you’d be offered a role in a prestigious firm in a highly competitive industry on the basis of a phone call with your sister’s BIL? I find that bizarre.

In any case, OP said “I’d set up a call and he could talk to her about breaking into the industry”. To me, that means offering advice - the sort of roles OP’s sister should apply for, additional topics to research etc. It’s a massive leap to think this call would be a job offer (completely bypassing any standard recruiting process).

It's not your problem. If they bring it up again say that you're sure there are other pathways and to do some research.

You told her you'd set up a call so he could break her into the industry - I'd read that as he'd be offering her a job, internship, scholarship etc.

3 months ago, might be time for them to get over it!

Tbh based on what you've posted here I can imagine BIL may have come across as a little exasperated/short with your sister - it sounds as if a) she has not done a great deal so far to improve her chances herself and b) she maybe expected more (egged on by your mum) than she should from BIL.

I am a lawyer (inhouse now but I trained and qualified at a Silver Circle firm, ie the tier just below Magic Circle) and am quite regularly asked for these kinds of favours by friends and family who seem to expect that I can somehow set up work experience for them/their younger relatives, many of whom I've never even met. I'm usually quite happy to have a chat with them but the advice I can give essentially boils down to what any university careers advice service (or Google search!) would give - get work experience, through formal vacation schemes (offered by all the big firms but they are competitive!) or mini pupillages if she's interested in the Bar, or voluntary work eg at Citizens Advice or legal advice charities. You said your sister's CV was pretty empty - why? I did a non law degree at a non-Oxbridge uni but in my second summer holidays managed four paid vacation schemes at Magic Circle, Silver Circle and major national firms, as well has having volunteered at CAB since college and having a part time paid role at our local Crown Court as well as the usual bar/cafe work. I was also part of the debating team at university wrote for the university paper and had competed in and won various essay writing competitions etc. Has your sister done anything like this or has her sole focus been on the academic side? Because corporate law in any big firm is going to require a LOT of hard work and if she can't show any sign of being able to balance study with multiple other things then she won't be seen as a particularly great candidate.

The other advice I'd give is to be realistic - you haven't mentioned your sister's grades or where she went to university but unless she got very good A levels and at least a 2:1 from a decent uni (I know a lot of firms recruit 'blind' now but it's going to be pretty obvious if she has BBC at A level that she wouldn't have gone on to study law at Oxbridge or Bristol/UCL/Durham etc etc and regardless of what is said this does still matter in law...).

If she isn't doing anything to help herself in terms of her CV and has unrealistic expectations why on earth would your mum expect your BIL to give her work experience?!

I assume he is a Corporate Lawyer? it is no place for the easily offended! You need to be resilient and driven for that kind of work not whiney and entitled.

Another City lawyer here (not Magic Circle). She sounds absolutely clueless and yet she's 23!?! What is she doing for work currently? She should be paralegalling like mad to fill up her empty CV and get some actual experience that will interest an employer.
Why isn't she doing her own research on law careers?

I echo those who've said it's so competitive now. I used to be in the assessment panel for our new trainees and the standard was so high it was unbelievable. (I did wonder if I'd stand a chance these days!) The CVs that passed muster had to have stellar academics, work experience (not just law but evidence of trying your hand at anything i.e. not being afraid of hard work or "boring" tasks) and other points of interest (volunteering, travel, a specialist sport or hobby like debating etc.) I usually felt that all those at the assessment centre were such high calibre that they were all suitable but there was only space for 1 in 6 and a rigorous scoring process.

Finally I would say a career in City law because it interests you and you want to make a lot of money isn't enough. You have to absolutely love and be committed to it. I feel like I'm a lawyer every moment of my life, not just at work.

Those two need to grow up - don't become like them
It's like a pathetic playground exchange.