Grandparents visits too much

Is there a practical reason they can't visit you ? ( when convenient)

Just tell them you are too busy with work and your child to bring him for visits. However you are free at home on X day at X time for two hours each week if they would like to pop in and see him then.

If they won’t come, their choice. If they do, you can leave him with him while you get on with the laundry.

It’s not your sole job to facilitate their relationship - the GPs need to get off their bottoms and come to you. And your DH can also take them to one or other GP once a month on a weekend afternoon. He’s a parent too.

What dgp expect and what is practical for you are different obviously. You must set the rules going forward.
They can fit in. Or not see dgs. Choice is theirs.
I would be saying
Dear gps,I'm sure you will understand. I am struggling to juggle work and the house and activities for dc and visits to you. Can you perhaps visit us here as we love to see you and dgc adores his time with you
Maybe you would enjoy coming with me to one of his activities with a view to taking him yourselves to give me a break. Going forward these are the possible dates and times convenient to us. Let me know. Looking forward to seeing you soon.

👆

Is this the only grandchild for both sets of grandparents @Bakergirl987 ? This could explain the bizarre, obsessive behaviour - expecting you to visit both sets of grandparents twice a week. That is absolutely ludicrous! Even if you didn't work 2 days a week it would be a bit much.

I worked two days a week when my 2 were little and I did use to pop in to see my mom and dad a couple of times a week for half an hour to an hour, (and DH's once a week,) but my parents lived 10 minutes walk away (and DH's a 10 minute drive,) and it wasn't a problem and they didn't really expect it. They were just pleased to see us when we turned up.

It was MY choice to go. (DH came with me and the DC to his parents, but sometimes I would go alone with them and stay an hour. He didn't come often with me to my parents, maybe one in four times, but I didn't mind, and they didn't either.) Someone demanding visits would be stressful.

My two DC are now around 30 - and neither of them have had children yet. To be honest, I'll be over the moon when/if they do. but also, I don't mind if they never have them. It's really hard to explain. I just want them to do what makes them happy.

I just really hope I don't turn into an obsessive Granny! Even as it is, I only see my 2 DC twice a month. (They live 15-20 miles away.) We Whatsapp each other a couple of times a week though, and will always be around if needed/in an emergency! But they've got really busy professional lives and very busy social lives.

I think when/if they have babies they'll still have those busy professional lives and busy social lives. And then have the baby on top. So I will try not to bother too much - them unless they need me.

I'm sorry that your parents and in-laws are making you feel like this. You need to be really strong and say 'we're only coming to see you once a week.' (Even once a fortnight would be enough tbh.) Also, do you really want them to visit you more? Stuck at your house for hours on end? I prefer to visit people because then I can leave when I want. It's really hard to get rid of people when they come and see you.

Do they ever babysit your child? Have them at their house with you not there?

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1. Your partner needs to be contributing something to the housework and cooking. You will feel a lot less stressed when it is not all on you. You are presumably caring for your son when he is working full time hours during the week. It is incredibly draining caring for a two year old and unless you lock them in a cage and ignore their screams it is very difficult to get stuff done while supervising them.
2. Could you suggest to your parents and PILs that you visit one another for dinner on an alternating basis once per week? This alleviates you of the need to cook a meal one week and then the next they can arrive to play with your DS while you cook in peace.

You can always say no! You need to grow a pair!

How old/healthy are they? If they want to see him for a few hours at a time good you ever leave him there and go and do some errands? If that's not a possibility then yes they need to come to you so you can do jobs in the background. They are being unreasonable in their expectations but you totally have the power to change this.

You are doing 4 visits a week to grandparents?? That's just ridiculous. You absolutely have to say that you are not willing to do that much anymore. If you are happy for them to come to you much of the time instead, then say so. Or just cut back. Once a week for each set of grandparents is more than enough!!!

Simply say: ‘you’re gonna have to come to us this week as we are totally slammed’ or even ‘sorry, got to skip a visit this week as we’re doing X Y Z’ (rest/chilling etc counts as ‘doing something’, but if they won’t accept that then make something up).

Waaay too much. I'd just tell them they can visit you if they want to see him.

Twice a week is ridiculous, OP. Most grandparents see their grandchildren just a few times a year (distance, work etc). You decide how often you want to visit, and then stick to it.

I like this idea, I'd add in sausage rolls and stuff too though. But I'm fancy.

I would do afternoon tea once a fortnight at yours and invite both sets. Tescos finest scones, jam, cream and a cup of tea. It’s up to them if they all make the effort to come. Perhaps one of them will do bath time and story whilst you recycle the scones for cook dh’s dinner. Then on the alternative weeks take him to see one or other sets of grandparents for a couple of hours.

So overall 4 visits a week! They are being very unreasonable! I think seeing grandparents once a week is a lot for most. X2 visits for each set is ridiculous. You need to tell them so.

Just tell them! You're a busy mum and you really haven't got time to do all this visiting malarkey. If they want to see the baby they can come and visit!

Agreed. Saying no is quite the power trip. It's addictive once you try.

Both sets of grandparents expect us to bring ds to their houses twice a week to see him and on at least one of these visits expect us to stay for a few hours.

They need to adjust their expectations.

The pressures getting too much to try and keep everyone happy and if he doesn’t come they’ll be complaining they haven’t seen him in however long.

It's not your job to keep everyone happy. Let them complain.

This is what you do: text them all together. Hi everyone, we are so blessed that DS has such strong relationships with his grandparents and we are so grateful that you love him so much and support him the way you do. I realise this might be disappointing, but I'm finding the expectation to visit both sets of grandparents with DS twice per week to be too much at the moment and I'm experiencing it as a pressure, which I know isn't what you want. From now on I will be bringing DS to visit each set of grandparents once per week. If you would like to see him more than that, please be in touch about coming to visit us here. Thank you for your understanding.

And definitely not as much faff as having to drive to each set twice a week!!

Could you ask your parents to visit you and ask your DH to tell his parents the same. Work out if you want to continue visiting them and if so how often and stick to that.

I'd say so. Doesn't have to be a fancy dinner and then she gets them to come to her and help with the toddler! How much effort to knock up a couple of dishes of pasta and salad?

And making dinner for two sets of people is a walk in the park?! That's more effort and headache than anything.

You need to start telling them no. Two sets of grandparents twice a week is four visits and that's far too much.
His dad needs to do something too - he could take your child to his parents once a week and give you a break to have a bit of time for yourself.

So let them complain?!

Stop engaging in this ridiculous routine and if they so desperately want to see him they can make the trip to you. Also trying to entertain a 2yo in someone's house is hard work, I can't imagine it's very enjoyable. Let them take it up with your dh if they have a problem but stop making it your problem.

‘I’m not able to make it over this week but you’re welcome to come to us on Wednesday afternoon’

and repeat