Grandparents visits too much

I would suggest one visit each per week is plenty, and, unless they have mobility problems. it’s perfectly reasonable for them to come to you alternate weeks.

Decide what works for you, communicate it, then stick to it. They will quite possibly moan a bit as they’ve got used to you doing all the running, but they’ll soon adapt.

Very good that you prioritise family time! So you should not have to do it all by yourself. They can come to you if they are bothered.

You shouldn’t be committing to going there more than once every couple of weeks - they should be matching your travel time by coming to you. And it’s ok to not see them every week!!

When this happens: “he doesn’t come they’ll be complaining they haven’t seen him in however long“

Practise your reply: “you are welcome to come to us but we can only commit to coming to you once every couple of weeks”

Be strong and build better boundaries!!

Just pretend you're busy for a few weeks. Say you're meeting other people/have toddler clubs or something. You just need to break the routine and then they won't expect you to come over all the time.

I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself to keep everyone happy. Invite them over every couple of weeks and leave it at that. It's not up to you to do all the running around.

I think 4 gp visits a week is ridiculous tbh. I don't know many people that would have enough time for that amount of running in their week. Personally I think fortnightly is more realistic so you're doing one go visit a week and alternate it between them. At the end of the day it needs to work for you as well. Just say you're busy and it doesn't suit and arrange the next date. Gp are important but gp time should not override parents time with their child as you are the primary carer.

Put your foot down

Just say no. If they complain, so what?

That. Do you ever invite them?

Take the initiative, and if every time you invite them they say they can't come to you, they can't complain that they don't see you.

….(you don’t have to make everyone happy.) This is your child, you get to do things your way and it’s totally okay if that doesn’t align with what they want. I wouldn’t even make a big deal of this at all, I would simply stop going so often. Once a fortnight? Once a month? Whatever works. Same goes for if they suddenly want to descend on you all the time when you start visiting less. Set boundaries and don’t feel bad about it.

Just stop all that. I have been NC with my mother in law for 5 years , even though she was in daily contact with her precious son, my word was taken as a command

Honestly I just find most of these grandparents and MIL posts unbelievable. Just talk to them reasonably, non confrontationally, , tell them as it is ,and sort it mutually. It's not what we all think it's what you can make worth. ( both MIL and Grandparent speaking here btw.)

@LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway my eldest two dc are about 30 and both have a dc. Dd1 lives over 100 miles away but she is doing her best to ensure both gps have a relationship with her dc (first gc for ils). Dd2 lives about 20 miles away and she is so busy we only rarely see her dc. She did recently complain that her dc wasn't comfortable with either set of gps but she doesn't make it easy. She works full time and gc is at nursery. At weekends they are always doing things. I don't even see gc once every 6 weeks even though I'm happy to visit or babysit (gc is 2 and a half). Growing up they saw my parents very regularly and my 4dc adore them. As you say it is a special relationship.

My maternal grandmother used to come over once a week after work when I was very small, my parents loved it as she’d spend the whole time playing with me giving them some space to do chores/chill out. My other grandparents didn’t really visit much, we always went to them. Which meant we didn’t see them anywhere near as often. I wonder which one of these your parents/in-laws would prefer to be to your child? Unless they are very elderly there’s no reason they can’t make the effort at least some of the time.

It really depends on their situation - are they fit and healthy and mobile? do they have easy access to commute to you? i am in similar situation but i know that i have a car and the ride is 7 minutes by car and they don’t have one, and using public transport makes it a 40 min journey, so i am more than happy to get to them myself. it might be worth start discussing the idea of leaving the child there to run an earned, trial it with small errand first and then it can become a drop off thing and you get a few hours to yourself. its very beneficial for your child to maintain that connection and you must be a little be reasonable and take into account other factors before being annoyed by it eg their overall health and physical ability to get to you.

I’m guessing you’ve agreed to this because it comes with a perk - eg meals / childcare / bathtimes? If that still benefits you then reduce the classes (toddlers don’t really need them). If it doesn’t then tell both sets of gp you don’t have time to visit any more and stop it all.

2 times a week for each pair of grandparents is extreme even if they visited you. Cut it to 1 and get them to visit you- when you are free!

I think parents forget how busy life is with a little one. You need to remind them! Then tell them that they can visit and look after their grandchild at x time. But you need to get on whilst they are there too .

So if you are going to see the in laws in the week and dh is at work, when is he seeing his parents? I would tell them it's too much in the week doing all this visiting and that you will go once a week from now on and every other weekend see dh family for an hour or two your family the other week.

Just say no, but you are welcome to pop over Saturday but his nap time starts at noon.

If they complain about you not visiting then just say the journey works both ways.

I can't remember the last time my son went to his grandads house.
My dad comes to my house every Saturday, takes my son out for a walk for approximately 2 to 3 hours. Then spends about an hour or so with all of us before going home. No hassle whatsoever. I get some time to myself. Grandad gets to see my son and grandad is welcome to stay as long as he wants or leave when he has had enough.

Is there any reason why they can't come to you. They could then play with your son so you can get things done when they are there. Thats what I did then I could spend quality time with the kids as I got all the jobs done while my mum and dad were at mine.

If they want to see him they need the come to your house at least half the time. No way would I be allowing grandparents (or anyone) to dictate that I visited them both at there houses so many times a week. Personally I would be scaling through visits back to. The older he gets the more time constraints you will have (pre school nursery, school, parties etc ) if you have other kids then time is even more limited.

I see people the same amount as I did before we had kids! I am busier now then I was pre-kids - 10x laundry and tidying needed before I can even clean! And you also need weekends free to do fun things and have a rest! Grandparents need to lower their expectations. I would just tell them that you are busy and you will see them at X date and slowly start increasing the gap between visits.

Just tell them it’s too much. Once a week if you can manage it is fine, much more than many.

Say no.
Stop doing it.
If they're that bothered with seeing you / your child / your family unit - then they will come to you.

They are used to it because it's been happening; and are expecting it - just because they expect it doesn't mean you need to facilitate it.

IF YOU want too - suggest they all come for dinner / lunch on a Sunday to you - get them to bring something with them - you don't have to leave your home & if they refuse that's on them.

Once a week is a lot - anymore than that is excessive IMO.

Also dad needs to do something about his families expectations of you both.

If they refuse your offer to come over - that's on them - and well you'll see how long they'd be prepared to go without seeing your son - that's again; on them.