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AIBU?

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Ex trying to reclaim money from child

187 replies

Preeel · 23/10/2024 13:46

18 months ago my ex went back to university to train to be a teacher. During that time period, he was technically ‘unemployed’ (he did receive a grant, but that’s irrelevant in CMS’ view). As such, the child maintenance calculator reduced his payment to £0. His father, my child’s grandfather, then got involved and said he would continue to pay £50 a week in maintenance on behalf of his son as it wasn’t right that our child wasn’t supported. This money was paid via the grandfather to my ex, then he would transfer it to me.

My ex is finally employed and the maintenance calculator has said he needs to pay £100 a week. However, my ex is now claiming that the CMS should subtract all of the money that his father paid over the 18 months, therefore reducing his sum of £100 a week. It’s almost £4,000. I disagree as this was never the agreement, and I was never told that essentially I would need to pay this money back. It was a gentleman’s agreement if you like between the three of us to make sure our child continued to be supported.

AIBU or has my ex got a case to claim this money back?

OP posts:
Itsmahoneybaloney · 23/10/2024 13:58

Preeel · 23/10/2024 13:56

I’ve had a message from CMS asking me to agree or disagree whether he made these voluntary payments of £4,000.

You can't agree or disagree. His father made some payments from the goodness of his heart. That's irrelevant to what the dad now owes.

twomanyfrogsinabox · 23/10/2024 13:58

Preeel · 23/10/2024 13:56

I’ve had a message from CMS asking me to agree or disagree whether he made these voluntary payments of £4,000.

No they were gifts from the GF.

Singleandproud · 23/10/2024 13:58

Ring them, so you can have a conversation with a human and explain the situation. Or get a letter written and signed by the grandfather explaining perhaps and scan it in.

FacingTheWall · 23/10/2024 13:57

Preeel · 23/10/2024 13:56

I’ve had a message from CMS asking me to agree or disagree whether he made these voluntary payments of £4,000.

He didn’t make the payments, his father did. So ‘disagree’ in all good conscience.

Preeel · 23/10/2024 13:56

I’ve had a message from CMS asking me to agree or disagree whether he made these voluntary payments of £4,000.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 23/10/2024 13:56

Go through CMS. Even when you use CMS if a dad pays extra and then tries to get it back he has no legs to stand on.

What a lovely grandfather and what a dickhead of a father - what a great reminder as to why he is an ex!

Itsmahoneybaloney · 23/10/2024 13:55

Foxblue · 23/10/2024 13:53

No leg to stand on whatsoever.
What an AWFUL man, so sorry you have to deal with him.

His Dad sounds great but he should be ashamed of himself. Have you spoken to his dad? I bet he wouldn't agree with this.

twomanyfrogsinabox · 23/10/2024 13:55

If that was just a casual arrangement while he was not forced to pay anything it's nothing to do with CMS. Is he going to deduct birthday presents too?

Foxblue · 23/10/2024 13:53

No leg to stand on whatsoever.
What an AWFUL man, so sorry you have to deal with him.

Mandylovescandy · 23/10/2024 13:52

Surely CMS wouldn't agree with this

Icedlatteofdreams · 23/10/2024 13:51

Go through CMS, ultimately none of it is your problem or your childs. Don't let him bully you into giving you less.

BlessedAreTheCheesemakerz · 23/10/2024 13:48

Did ex FiL frame it as a loan to his son?