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Original poster

Wedding gift - how much money would you give?

118 replies

chiccachicca · 23/10/2024 12:07

Not really an AIBU, but I wasn’t sure where else to post. It’s more of a WWYD.

We are going to wedding in the next few months, all day and a dinner the night prior, DH has known the Groom since school but they aren’t massively close. We’ve not seen them him in a few years and never met his partner.

The Bride and Groom have asked for money towards a honeymoon. We haven’t been to a wedding for years and I’m not sure what is an average amount of money to gift.

How much would you gift?

OP posts:
BigCheese24 · 24/10/2024 18:24

chiccachicca · 23/10/2024 12:07

Not really an AIBU, but I wasn’t sure where else to post. It’s more of a WWYD.

We are going to wedding in the next few months, all day and a dinner the night prior, DH has known the Groom since school but they aren’t massively close. We’ve not seen them him in a few years and never met his partner.

The Bride and Groom have asked for money towards a honeymoon. We haven’t been to a wedding for years and I’m not sure what is an average amount of money to gift.

How much would you gift?

A £50 note.

MumChp · 24/10/2024 18:14

Last wedding gift here €100 for honeymoon. Our choice.
They asked or expected nothing.
Celebrations in the spring.

Flossflower · 24/10/2024 18:09

gamerchick · 23/10/2024 22:06

I wouldn't give money. It's cheeky as fuck to ask for it.

Years ago people gave lists of things they needed when setting up home together but now it is likely that the couple have already been living together for some time so
most gifts would be extra to requirements and just be put away.
I always give money but all of the weddings I have been to in the last decade have said that there is no need for a gift.

LumpyPumpkin · 24/10/2024 16:40

Last few weddings I have been to with my partner we have given £50 as a joint gift. If it was a close friend or family member we'd give more. When we got married last year most people gave us around £20/£30 or a bottle of champagne. Some just gave a card.

I was genuinely grateful for anything we received. Attending a wedding can be so expensive so I think anything you can afford is absolutely fine.

19lottie82 · 24/10/2024 16:25

£100 as a couple attending the full day.

MayaKovskaya · 24/10/2024 16:24

I actually think the old fashioned way of a "wedding list" was a good idea. It contained all the items the couple wanted, and to suit every budget. There were always low cost items such as coasters or serving spoons.
However, most couples getting married now aren't starting on a life together and have everything, so that got a bit redundant.

Cosyblankets · 24/10/2024 13:59

ConsuelaHammock · 24/10/2024 10:37

I wouldn’t go to a wedding in those circumstances tbh. I also wouldn’t go to the expense of an overnight stay for a wedding. If it’s not close enough to sleep in my own bed at the end of the night then it would be a ‘sorry we can’t make ‘ .
We were giving £100 per couple twenty five years ago. I haven’t actually been to an all day wedding in years.

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But the OP says her husband hasnt seen the groom for a good while and she's never met the bride and is asking how much to give for this wedding. That's why i was shocked at the £200

ConsuelaHammock · 24/10/2024 10:37

Cosyblankets · 23/10/2024 19:34

For someone you've not seen for a few years and never met the new wife?

Show quote history

I wouldn’t go to a wedding in those circumstances tbh. I also wouldn’t go to the expense of an overnight stay for a wedding. If it’s not close enough to sleep in my own bed at the end of the night then it would be a ‘sorry we can’t make ‘ .
We were giving £100 per couple twenty five years ago. I haven’t actually been to an all day wedding in years.

tsmainsqueeze · 23/10/2024 22:25

Cosyblankets · 23/10/2024 14:06

I give what I can afford at the time.
It makes no difference to me if it's in a pub or a fancy hotel.
I would be horrified if a friend felt they couldn't come to my wedding because they couldn't afford the gift

This exactly , i absolutely loathe the expectation of what is thought to be the 'correct' amount to give for a wedding gift.
I would hate for anyone to feel obliged or to go short due to giving me a money gift at my wedding.

YogiLou · 23/10/2024 22:07

I wouldn’t give any money at all
i I think it’s crass and grabby
weddings are just a mass commercial exercise in money making anyway

SassyRoseSeal · 23/10/2024 22:07

£150

gamerchick · 23/10/2024 22:06

I wouldn't give money. It's cheeky as fuck to ask for it.

Ouncesnow · 23/10/2024 22:04

Someone you’re not close to and haven’t seen in ages?! £50 max. You’re there to make up the numbers.

MayaKovskaya · 23/10/2024 22:01

Exactly, @Bushmillsbabe

Bushmillsbabe · 23/10/2024 21:59

MayaKovskaya · 23/10/2024 19:32

I agree with you, that's just nonsense. So, if a couple can only afford a modest wedding, they'd get a lesser gift than a rich couple who can afford to splurge! That's not right.

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It is nonsense. Presents should be linked to what people can afford/chose to give.

My cousin- single mum on minimum wage gave us £20 - gratefully received. My husbands uncle - multimillionaire - gave us £500 and free use of his huge villa in Spain for a honeymoon. Also gratefully received. Our main priority was having people we cared about there, trying to make sure they had a good time and of course - the actual marriage bit.

jackstini · 23/10/2024 20:15

@Bushmillsbabe - sorry not joking! Ireland tends to have a much higher spend traditionally. Min €100 per adult

Howtonamechange · 23/10/2024 19:56

In my culture it's the norm to give money.
Generally in my circles it's £50 for friends and £100+ for anyone closer but really depends on your circles. Maybe ask others you know are invited how much they're planning to give?

Ohfuckrucksack · 23/10/2024 19:52

Why on earth should what the bride and groom choose to spend on the wedding dictate your gift?

You didn't get to make that decision - it was up to them and their finances.

Your gift is up to your finances.

Two very different things.

So a rich couple gets loads of money they don't need because they can afford a lavish wedding (when they don't need extra money) and a poor couple who went for a registry office and quiet meal get pence, despite the fact they are far more in need of the gift/money.

anon202420252026 · 23/10/2024 19:46

It's £50 in my circle of friends, keeps it affordable for everyone.

Completelyjo · 23/10/2024 19:45

CurlewKate · 23/10/2024 19:43

"No ones saying you have you, just stating the done thing"

Not in my world, it isn't!

In Ireland then, are you?

Flossflower · 23/10/2024 19:45

Recentgradneedingachance · 23/10/2024 17:56

It’s courtesy to cover your plate

This is my view.

MayaKovskaya · 23/10/2024 19:43

LocalHobo · 23/10/2024 17:46

The type of venue, meal, bells and whistles trimmings is all irrelevant
I would see that as very relevant.
I give £100pp all day, I wouldn't accept an evening only invite, but if I did I would imagine £35ish pp. As you are attending a meal the night before, you should probably add on another £30 each. You are getting a brilliant, all expenses paid day out. What would that normally cost you? And if, in typical MN style, you don't see it as a joyful, happy event, refuse the invitation.

The point is that it is a happy joyful event. You're a guest at a happy occasion, not a customer at a venue. The bride and groom choose to host, on whatever budget. You very kindly give them a gift. What they've spent is irrelevant, as pp have said

CurlewKate · 23/10/2024 19:43

"No ones saying you have you, just stating the done thing"

Not in my world, it isn't!

MayaKovskaya · 23/10/2024 19:39

ObtuseMoose · 23/10/2024 15:56

That just seems so transactional. The bride and groom might as well charge guests a set amount each.

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Very good point. You may as well send your guests an invoice!

NewName24 · 23/10/2024 19:37

I agree with both @DappledThings 's posts on P2