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Original poster

Wedding gift - how much money would you give?

118 replies

chiccachicca · 23/10/2024 12:07

Not really an AIBU, but I wasn’t sure where else to post. It’s more of a WWYD.

We are going to wedding in the next few months, all day and a dinner the night prior, DH has known the Groom since school but they aren’t massively close. We’ve not seen them him in a few years and never met his partner.

The Bride and Groom have asked for money towards a honeymoon. We haven’t been to a wedding for years and I’m not sure what is an average amount of money to gift.

How much would you gift?

OP posts:
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MayaKovskaya · 26/10/2024 07:48

MmePick · 25/10/2024 22:39

As I said, I think wedding gifts outdated. We specifically said no gifts

You had the right idea.

BrainLife · 26/10/2024 07:45

I've given £20 before. Reality for me is that I'm on benefits and a lone parent. I spent £300 on two nights in a themed hotel this week for my son's birthday which I had to save and save for. If I flung £100 at people getting married I'd not be doing what's best for my son. If I got married I would expect people to give what they can afford, even if that's nothing.

MmePick · 25/10/2024 22:39

As I said, I think wedding gifts outdated. We specifically said no gifts

purplebeansprouts · 25/10/2024 22:08

£50

NewName24 · 25/10/2024 21:44

MmePick · 25/10/2024 17:29

£50 but this is why I hate the requests for money! generally just buy a bottle of champagne now that most couples are already set up in a home

I see that written a lot on MN, but always think it is terrible idea.
I don't want one bottle of fiz, let alone 50.

Very few people want loads of bottles of sparkling wine, better to give cash so they can spend it on whatever they want

Exactly.

OrionNebula · 25/10/2024 17:45

Yes I find the whole "cover your plate" attitude bizarre in the extreme. If I have guests over for dinner I don't present them with a bill for what the food and drink cost afterwards.

GivingitToGod · 25/10/2024 17:42

£100

MmePick · 25/10/2024 17:42

The answers in these are always extreme, hence why money is such an invidious gift. People on another thread were talking about covering the cost of their attendance, so weird.

I actually think wedding gifts are an outdated concept now. Especially with the often great cost of attending

Lingfield01 · 25/10/2024 17:39

What ridiculous replies ! £100? £200?!! Really?
You give what you can afford, simple as. Take no notice of these posts.

AutumnBride · 25/10/2024 17:33

I don't understand the dislike for giving money, it's easy and you know they'll appreciate it, why buy something they might not want?

MmePick · 25/10/2024 17:29

£50 but this is why I hate the requests for money! generally just buy a bottle of champagne now that most couples are already set up in a home

AutumnBride · 25/10/2024 17:27

For just an evening invite we give £40 in a nice card.

For a full day I would give £60, again in a nice card.

Very few people want loads of bottles of sparkling wine, better to give cash so they can spend it on whatever they want.

OrionNebula · 25/10/2024 17:24

@IlooklikeNigella not really, no. I'm in Ireland and whilst people are definitely more generous with cash gifts here I'm confident that everyone in my circle would be horrified at the thought of someone not coming to their wedding because they couldn't afford a €200+ cash gift.

IlooklikeNigella · 25/10/2024 17:09

MayaKovskaya · 25/10/2024 17:02

That's terrible, isn't it?

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No. It's normal.

thicklysettled · 25/10/2024 17:04

That's not terribly helpful information, though, is it? This is a casual acquaintance, not a grandchild!

edit - I was trying to quote the poster who said what she gave her granddaughter.

MayaKovskaya · 25/10/2024 17:02

IlooklikeNigella · 25/10/2024 16:59

You factor it into the costs along with travel, accommodation, childcare etc.

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That's terrible, isn't it?

IlooklikeNigella · 25/10/2024 16:59

MayaKovskaya · 25/10/2024 16:27

What a shame. So poorer people can't go to weddings? Or get into debt?

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You factor it into the costs along with travel, accommodation, childcare etc.

Bamboozie · 25/10/2024 16:38

We usually put in £50.

Weddings can be expensive for guests (if you factor in hotels/petrol/dinner etc) so I think £50 is more than reasonable.

MayaKovskaya · 25/10/2024 16:27

IlooklikeNigella · 25/10/2024 16:20

It's not braggy, it's fact and expected in this country. If you can't afford 100 pp you decline the invitation. It really is that simple.

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What a shame. So poorer people can't go to weddings? Or get into debt?

MoneyMill · 25/10/2024 16:27

Yeah, if it's Ireland the deeds to your house and your soul will just about be acceptable.

IlooklikeNigella · 25/10/2024 16:20

Cosyblankets · 23/10/2024 15:12

Maybe they're less braggy! Maybe they live in the real world. These posts are always full of people saying they would never give less than £X.

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It's not braggy, it's fact and expected in this country. If you can't afford 100 pp you decline the invitation. It really is that simple.

MayaKovskaya · 25/10/2024 07:34

Very good points, @NewName24 , and I agree with your last paragraph. It's an invitation to share a special day, not to pay for the event.

NewName24 · 24/10/2024 22:59

When we got married last year most people gave us around £20/£30 or a bottle of champagne. Some just gave a card.

This is what I was told by two of my younger relatives that have each got married in the last 2 years.
You do have to remember that MN is skewed towards the very wealthy, so all the £100+ replies probably doesn't reflect statistically the amount that most people across the country would give. Not that that isn't entirely appropriate and usual for those posters, just that the posters replying clearly don't cover much of a range of people.
I also suspect that once a few people start to say "I would give £100" , it becomes more difficult to say "I would give £20".

I am of an age where my dc can be invited to 3 or 4 weddings across a summer, whilst being at the stage of life where costs are high (rent or mortgages, car insurance being just two) and people tend to be in the early stages of their careers. If there really were an expectation to "buy a ticket" for the wedding, as some have implied, then they just wouldn't be able to go.

I don't know about anyone else, but I invited people I wanted to share my day with, not people to pay for my wedding. I would hate to think anyone didn't come because MN had told them they "ought" to give the couple £100, £150, or more.

caringcarer · 24/10/2024 19:20

Bushmillsbabe · 23/10/2024 18:47

Why more if in Ireland? Just wondering as we are going to a wedding in Donegal next year. Or was this a joke 😃

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No, it's not a joke. Traditionally the Irish seem to be very generous indeed in gifting money to newlyweds.

caringcarer · 24/10/2024 19:15

I'd give £150 if you are also getting dinner the night before the wedding provided too.