to think a lot of this “boy mum” stuff is a load of sexist nonsense?

Again, that's down to the individual children. I have girls and one of them was at A&E constantly because she was always flinging herself around, my nephew has never been to A&E for an injury

I'm a mum to both and my boy is MUCH more physical than my daughter. She prefers role play based play whereas my son always wants to be kicking or fighting something and is usually hanging off a sofa arm somewhere.

My daughter gets herself dressed, my son is 8 and still wants help constantly.

For my kids, there's a notable difference, albeit they of course share some hobbies and characteristics.

Meant to quote this

This!!

I have 2 boys and have struggled with these comments. The “boy mum” thing actually annoys me even more.

Agree with this- it’s socialisation. As pps who work with kids have pointed out, they do play differently.

i always said I’d never differentiate, but I have to accept there will be behaviours I adopt unconsciously which makes my parenting slightly different. ( the being more physical with DS and encouraging rough and tumble etc).

I also think that kids aren’t brought up in a bubble and I’m amazed at the cues they absorb from the world around them…my Dd loved all things pink and sparkly and looking pretty, but she was possibly mimicking the way slightly older girls were behaving. My Ds refused to go to ballet classes when he saw it was full of girls- he was 3 and loved dancing, but he seemed to associate it with girls and therefore not him, so stopped. If it had been full of boys, his perception would’ve been different.

Everyone in society focuses on how women look which maybe has an effect. and when girls play solely with girls and boys with boys, they’ll
adjust/moderate their behaviour to fit in with group- so again these learned behaviours become encouraged and consolidated

I think there is a difference between how boys and girls typically behave, but I think it’s probably largely (if not entirely) learned. It’s self-fulfilling. A lot of adults treat boys/ girls differently. They expect and encourage different behaviours and qualities, and that’s how children learn to behave socially. My daughter went through a phase of hitting/ being too physical in preschool. The teacher used to hold me up nearly every day to talk at length about it. But I noticed a few of the boys behaved more or less the same and yet that was considered normal. When they would play fight or chase each other with sticks or whatever, nobody batted an eyelid. When dd did the same, it was a problem and I was asked where on earth she was picking up this behaviour (she was copying the boys).
I think people do this a lot. They let boys away with behaviour that they strongly discourage in girls. Where I live the schools are mainly all girls/ boys. The difference is very noticeable when you walk past at lunchtime and the boys are in the yard, it's very noisy, they are much rougher with each other, most of them are running around or playing football. The girls are a lot quieter. They are playing hopscotch or skipping or sitting around chatting in little groups. Some of them are running around but far fewer. If it’s anything like it was in my day, that’s likely because the girls wouldn’t be allowed to behave boisterously like the boys. It was always much stricter.
I know some parents who have boys and allow them to behave very badly then say things like That’s what it’s like having boys. It’s often just a cop out because they don’t want to tackle the behaviour.But I also think boys are more likely to pick up these behaviours like aggressiveness than girls so they can be harder to manage. I think you can really see the marked difference around here because the schools aren’t mixed and people are generally quite old fashioned about gender stereotypes.

I think you may be misinterpreting the sexism OP. These mums are not sincerely telling you you have the better deal with your 'quiet girls'. It's not about you or 'girl mums' at all. It's a stealth boast. What they're saying is look at my perfect example of masculinity. See how he can fight! See how strong and active he is! Look how he isn't afraid to get his hands dirty! What a little man I have here. Your girls are merely framed as a comparator to highlight their sons masculine traits. They're not really moaning (though the chance to come across as extra hard working is a bonus) they're showing off.

1. My experience is quite different - it was my DD who repeatedly ended up in A&E due to her physically adventurous, risk taking behaviour. My DS never. All children are different and have different personalities.
2. So many of the differences people claim to see are down to socialisation. For example, research shows that adults talk to girl babies more and play more physical games with boy babies IF THEY KNOW THEIR SEX. Girls are often dressed in different clothes and then discouraged from playing rough, dirty games that might spoil their clothes. My DD was given dolls, soft toys and pretty, sparkly things as presents by relatives. My DS was given cars, bricks, construction toys, pirate outfits and toy swords. They didn't choose these things - adults did, and are then surprised if little boys play with swords and little girls don't.

And as much of that will be due to social conditioning as what they have between their legs.

I know, but I think it's just worth pointing out how much unconscious stuff goes on, even when we think we subscribe to more progressive views.

How about we just don't talk about 'typical' girls being quiet and obedient, at all?

How about we just don't accept/ mention that view?

I would instead say I have 5 children, all happen to be girls, some of them are boisterous and some are quieter, and they're all perfectly normal kids!

Nothing typical/ atypical about it, everyone's just different.

Let's be surprised and act surprised when people talk about 'typical' girls or boys being a certain way.

I just think there's so much in the language we use, even in our own heads, and progress happens when we consciously aim to move that forwards.

I can only relate my experience 🤷🏼‍♀️ I spent many hours in A&E with my boys getting various wounds stitched, bones set etc, never with my girl. Etc. Etc.

Now I watch my grandchildren playing - the boys are wrestling each other at every opportunity, girls are chatting, dancing about, and laughing at the boys 🤣

Any parent who has children and they are all boy are referred to as a 'boy mum' and not for the reasons you've said. You've just made an assumption that it means that.

But since you have now made that assumption and only have girls, thn you've no idea. But parents out there who have both usually say there's definitely a difference and tht boys are alot more mischievous and get up to wilder and more dangerous nonsense.

The exact problem with comparing results or brains in this scenario is that adult results will be affected both by their environment and by sex hormones associated with puberty in a way that young children's are not- they will generally be solely affected by their environment.

At toddler age boys and girls essentially have very similar brains, and there are only very slight differences. These tend to become larger gaps due to societal influence. Parents talk to boys less and are more physical with them than girls. As a PP said these subtle differences in parenting from an early age are then accelerated when they start pre school.

'Boy mom's is a whole trend though on SM in a way that girl mom isn't. It tends to be 'girl dad' on SM which is equally depressing sexist trope of men having their nails painted etc.

Yes of course they are which is why I am a bit surprised you highlighted that you see this ONLY from "boy mums" apparently - dont you see it the other way around too?

Ds 10 has been easy to raise
.No naughtiness or crap behaviour

Boys and girls act differently in groups.

I Volunteer to teach at My sport club,in primary schools etc and before the lesson starts when they are all togeher generally all the boys fight each other climb on things and rough house(even the calmer boys) whilst the girls either come chat to me, practice or sit and chat to each other.
But when they're by themselves individually I don't really see a difference. The one time when my class was misbehaving so badly it was mainly the girls.
That's just my experience there's definitely a difference in the way the interact in group settings.
But both girls and boys and are amazing :)
I think parenting boys and girls is different to teaching them If you get what I mean.

There might be something in this thought.

of course #notallboymums. but I do think people who are so performative about it are hiding some kind of insecurity/ disappointment.

But I don’t see why anyone has to make a thing about having just boys. It’s not that different. But everyone needs to fit a label these days or find a way to mark themselves as different or special.

I had a friend who always went on about how difficult it was having 3DC compared to me only having 2…‘it’s so much harder/ you wouldn’t understand/ it’s a big family thing…tedious af. Especially as her examples weren’t exactly unique. She maybe had a point about being outnumbered, but I think it was more about asserting her superiority as a parent .

I agree gender differences are observable. First of all it's on average or in general. Not all boys or girls conform to stereotypes in every way. For example my sister preferred toy cars to baby dolls, my son likes rainbow outfits - this sort of deviation is very normal.

Secondly let's say there's a typical boy trait of playing sword fighting with sticks - I see boys doing this more than girls. I have a problem with people seeing this as 'naughty' or offering sympathy to me as a boy mum. I also don't think your daughter is better behaved than my son because she happens to like sitting and colouring in. And I also worry we don't expect or allow girls to just roll around in the mud etc..

So to agree there are gender differences isn't the same as agreeing boys are trouble and that either requires sympathy, acceptance or punishment.

@casapenguin

The study you picked to illustrate your point that gender differences are observable in young children does show significant or persuasive results that gender differences are observable in young children.

I agree (unless you've missed a "not"). That was the authors' conclusion too (and those of the authors of the underlying papers). I agree it also says the same for adults (albeit moreso, and in some dimensions not seen in children).

The fact that some stereotypes differed in the past doesn't mean that modern stereotypes are false, nor that they have no innate component. It certainty doesn't tell us whether noticing, or conforming to, a stereotype is good or bad.

i) "matchstick makers are women": yes, most makers of matches were women (men did one bit of the process, women did most of the rest). That stereotype has gone because society has changed. It wasn't false.

ii) "women are innately suited to, or attracted to, making matches": I don't know enough about Victorian society or matchstick-making to judge this. Maybe yes, maybe no. It's not a moral judgement though.

iii) "women should make matches, men should not". This is absolutely not entailed by either i) or ii). It requires an extra value judgment. It's possible to believe both i) and ii) and to strongly disagree with iii).

I like the "but it's perfectly normal" bit 😂. Next time my little boy does something he shouldn't no need for a difficult conversation- just oh well he's a boy.