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AIBU?

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Is sister BU to take nephew and live in a van?

104 replies

ThanksItsUncleFranks · 23/10/2024 09:11

My sister, A, is in her late 30s. Her son, B, is 3. B's dad has no involvement in their lives and lives abroad. A and B have had housing insecurity for a long time - short term let followed by staying with our parents followed by flatshare followed by being back with our parents. A doesn't have a job as such but makes a wee bit of money selling crafts online and at markets. She gets PIP for her mental health issues and UC for B.

That's the background. So the current situation is that A and B are sharing a (small) spare bedroom at our parents' house. B attends the local preschool and while A doesn't get on particularly well with our parents, they tolerate each other and everyone stays calm. B has access here to toys, clean clothes, bathroom facilities etc.

But now A has announced that she's bought an old semi-converted van from someone on Facebook and her and B are going to live 'on the road'. She says there are FB groups where people offer places to park in return for work and that she's going to do this, moving from place to place. I am concerned that B will lose his access to preschool plus the warmth and convenience of living in a home. A says I am being small-minded and that she will homeschool B, that he will 'learn more on the road than at any school', and that the van has a woodburner so they will be warm and able to cook hot meals.

Essentially A thinks I should butt out. My parents think they will try it and swiftly return to their house so we should just let A 'get it out of her system'. But I don't just think A is being naive, and making life harder for B, I think she will worsen her own MH issues (anxiety, depression, bipolar) by sleeping in an old van every night with only B for company. Historically she has always become iller when away from other family adults. I'm older than her and still feel protective of her even though she is, I accept, very much a grown up.

AIBU to keep voicing my concerns in the hope of dissuading A from this path? Or should I butt out as my parents suggest.

OP posts:
DoAWheelie · 23/10/2024 09:16

I would make sure she always has a way to contact you (maybe a solar powered phone charger as a gift?) and let her try. It might go wrong but it might also be the making of her.

Jspaly · 23/10/2024 09:15

Yanbu, a life on the road with no stability and and no network for either of them sounds awful, especially when combined with the home schooling.
lots of the concerted vans are cold, damp, even with a lot burner, what are they doing for showers etc? Sounds like an ill thought out plan that won’t be helpful for either, good for holidays but not long term living.

jumpaboardapirateship · 23/10/2024 09:13

Sounds like a novel!

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 23/10/2024 09:13

It isn't that you're wrong. It's just that dissuading her isn't going to work. It's sad for B but hopefully there will be no long-term harm.

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