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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tell me if I am!

35 replies

Peclet · 23/10/2024 08:10

Last night around 9pm the front door opens and a soft voice calls “hi”. It was my partners SIL calling around with a birthday card for DS. I initially get a fright and then DH gets up and says hello. Both kids come down from their beds to ask who is here. SIL stays for about 5 mins. kids are 11, 14.

I said to my partner I think it’s too late to pop in. And I would have preferred a text before to say. Just swinging by with a card. A little heads up. He disagrees and says family doesn’t need to.

i think after 7pm it’s too late to just open the door and come in.

OP posts:
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Spirallingdownwards · 23/10/2024 20:50

Peclet · 23/10/2024 14:12

Not in bed, but had gone up to wind down and was pottering around.

Show quote history

In that case it really didn't matter that he came down for 5 minutes to see his auntie , did it?

5128gap · 23/10/2024 14:15

If they don't knock it you have to start to lock it.

Original poster
Peclet · 23/10/2024 14:12

Spirallingdownwards · 23/10/2024 10:35

It's family. It's 5 minutes. It's to do something nice for one of your immediate family. Yes YABU.

And a 14 year old in bed before 9? Really. That's the strange thing in the post not anything your SIL did.

Edited

Not in bed, but had gone up to wind down and was pottering around.

OP posts:
Happyinarcon · 23/10/2024 10:41

Do all your family just open the door and come in when they visit? If that’s a common thing then she’s fine to pop round and open the door. If you’re uncomfortable with that after a certain time in the evening just say knock after 6 or something. I really don’t understand the amount of mumsnet threads about minor social interactions

TentEntWenTyfOur · 23/10/2024 10:40

I wouldn't leave my door unlocked so anyone can just walk in, no matter what time of day, and if I went round to someone else's home I wouldn't just open the door, I'd knock or ring the bell.

And no, 9pm isn't too late for someone to turn up unexpectedly, not when you have kids of 11 and 14. It would be different if they were babies or toddlers and you had trouble getting them to sleep, but I'd expect a teenager to still be wide awake at that time anyway.

Spirallingdownwards · 23/10/2024 10:35

It's family. It's 5 minutes. It's to do something nice for one of your immediate family. Yes YABU.

And a 14 year old in bed before 9? Really. That's the strange thing in the post not anything your SIL did.

MiraculousLadybug · 23/10/2024 10:32

I think what would irk me is someone trying the door as a first resort instead of knocking on it like a polite person.

TeenLifeMum · 23/10/2024 10:30

Locking the door wouldn’t solve the issue. I issue she’d knock or ring the bell, then you’re hardly going to ignore her. She’s not a burglar trying her luck who will test the handle, find it’s locked and go away 😂

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 23/10/2024 10:02

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/10/2024 08:51

Also worth considering 9pm isn't that late for a lot of people and the 14 year old at least would still be up at that time.

I’m surprised your 11 and 14 year olds were in bed by then? Maybe not your 11 year old so much but the 14 year old being in bed surprised me! My 11 year old would be getting ready for bed but not actually in bed at that point.

no I don’t think it’s too late, but MN always surprises me with adults in bed at 8pm.

Dillydollydingdong · 23/10/2024 09:40

Bestyearever2024 · 23/10/2024 08:30

Jesus! Lock the flipping door 🙄

I've got a key to my son's house which my daughter in law gave me. I don't think I'd just let myself in at 9 pm though. I'd text first to warn them and check it's ok

twentysevendresses · 23/10/2024 09:34

Wouldn't actually bother me in this particular situation (a quick 5 mins to drop off a birthday card by family member).

However, they would have had to knock on my door as it's always locked...and quite possibly I wouldn't have answered, as I'd have been in bed 😂

But in principle...not overly concerning 🤷‍♀️

ClytemnestraWasMisunderstood · 23/10/2024 09:32

Why does she feel she can just walk into your house? I mean, I have a key to my dad's place, a couple of other relatives, and to a good friend's place, but wouldn't dream of entering either without ascertaining whether or not they were home or awake.
That's just weird

TeenLifeMum · 23/10/2024 09:20

Haha, we live in a safe part of the uk. Only ever lock the door when we go to bed.

GroovyChick87 · 23/10/2024 08:56

Yes it's too late, but I wouldn't be happy with anyone walking into my house at any time. My front door can only be opened from the outside with a key and automatically locks when I close it.

Screamingabdabz · 23/10/2024 08:53

She’s family. It’s not a big deal.

MartinCrieffsLemon · 23/10/2024 08:51

Also worth considering 9pm isn't that late for a lot of people and the 14 year old at least would still be up at that time.

mondaytosunday · 23/10/2024 08:46

Yes late. And anyone should always text beforehand!

Canalboat · 23/10/2024 08:44

Yes this would be too late for me, I’m often getting ready for my bed at that time. 8 about the latest I would consider acceptable whether family or not, and I would expect a text if later.

Original poster
Peclet · 23/10/2024 08:42

Yes good points about locking the door. We must do that.

really good points about seeing the good- she’s prioritised the birthday and that’s kind.

thanks vipers!

OP posts:
ImNotThereAmI · 23/10/2024 08:39

Surely the only reason to keep your door unlocked is so people can just walk in.
you cannot complain about people doing this when you have set absolutely no boundaries at all

Catza · 23/10/2024 08:36

It all depends on what the custom is in your family. Quite normal in my family to pop in unannounced day and night. Most of us have keys to each-other's houses too. The first thing my cousin's wife did when she married him is to take away all the keys to their flat and change the code on the entry door to the apartment complex. She clearly didn't like out customs from the start and took steps to protect their privacy. You can do the same by locking your front door.

Neveranynamesleft · 23/10/2024 08:32

So you leave your door unlocked and then complain when people let themselves in....

midgetastic · 23/10/2024 08:32

9 is borderline for me / just pop in to drop off at 9 with immediate family / close friends seems ok
Half past would raise an eyebrow

BabyCloud · 23/10/2024 08:32

It’s not late really and it’s not like you have little kids.

gamerchick · 23/10/2024 08:30

If she could just walk in then any opportunist thief could walk in and take something you wouldn't notice straight away. Like car keys.

She's done you a favour