For us all to miss family wedding

I think it’s fucking hilarious that people keep calling this a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’. Like bonding with your actual child in the first weeks of its life isn’t. You will never get that time back. I’d be absolutely disgusted with my husband if he didn’t put me and our children first on this occasion. Thankfully he never has and never would put a wedding or other social occasion before us when we’re going through life changing family situations.

No sorry, her husband needs to be with her, its only two weeks after her due date so he would presumably have to use his paternity leave. And that leave is to take some part in the arrival of his child, to bond and support his family.

Also from the toddlers perspective, its hard enough coping with no longer being the centre of Mum and Dads universe and potentially feeling jealous but if Dad then drags him off and leaves Mum with the baby, the toddler will potentially feel rejected but certainly confused!

I can understand if his brother and fiancé are disappointed but given the situation, any reasonable person would understand.

Congratulations to the OP and her family - wishing you health and happiness!

Am sorry, are you really suggesting a mother two weeks post c-section should pop herself on a flight??

I think l these superwomen posters haven't bothered to read the OP's updates.

you really think the OP should go to the wedding despite the fact she'll have had a C-Section a couple of weeks beforehand????? (we can all see your edit)

Surely you can't be serious?? Aside from the fact it would be totally impractical to travel abroad with a baby so young and so soon after giving birth, it would also be logistically impossible too given the fact the baby may not be registered yet and most certainly will not have a passport given the timing of the wedding and the due date.

In any case, I don't see why OP's husband should prioritise his brother and wife to be, over his own wife and children.

Yes it may be a shame that they can't attend the wedding, but unfortunately it's just of those things - can't really be helped. It's really not the end of the world.

No - having children is not a disability but having abdominal surgery is a temporary incapacity. It doesn't have to be competitive misery.

Ignore the ridiculous poster who said that. Your husband is a keeper.

What UTTER rubbish

You don’t need to justify yourself OP. As far as I’m concerned, having a toddler and a newborn is going to be hard enough as it is without needing to complicate things further with the demands what it will take to attend this wedding. Yeah, sure, women have dealt with more difficult things with young kids, so what? Do what is the best thing for your family unit.. it’s just a wedding at the end of the day.

if it wasn't for the pregnancy, I'd suggest that he should still go, as it's his brother, and decline on behalf of you or the todder due to travel difficulties, or as others have said, try and go a little earlier.
but with the pregnancy, he should be there at home with you, either in case you go into labour, or to help you manage after giving birth, and looking after you, baby, and toddler.

if they don't know yet, they might be a bit put out that you aren't willing to travel, but I'm sure once you announce it, they'll understand your reasons

I'm sorry I know you'll be going through alot but I think this is an occasion you all if not he and the toddler needs to definitely attend! This is hopefully a once in a life time special moment... You/they can either go a week before or just make it as short as possible(your better option by the sounds of it) and travel out the night before, you'll have had a newborn hopefully & you won't be expected to run around just don't stress yourself out where something comfortable glam up with lipstick jewellery show your face for the pics then make your way back, asap for your own comfort but I would suggest that maybe if your husband can with work etc spends a few extra days or week catching up with family. I would be absolutely gutted if I found out my son couldn't attend his siblings wedding.. Unless you end up going over and not have given birth yet then that's fully understandable wouldn't need any further explanations. If you've had the baby then atleast let him be there for his family and his brother!!! Simple as.

Can they not have a family party / wedding party in England for one family then the overseas wedding for the other side?

It's not realistic for you to go, and definitely not good to be left on your own when you may need help. You shouldn't have to tell people you're expecting if you don't want to - couldn't you just say you've been advised not to fly on medical grounds? It's not up to others to pry further. Expect they'll realise why eventually.

not going to your own siblings wedding is a massive big deal in most normal families.

Exactly. So if you can't go for a very good reason, it's sensible and kind to give that reason, not fudge it with a reason that gives the impression that you're not prepared to make an effort.

Just as the bride and groom aren't the only people that matter, the prospective parents are also not the only people that matter. There's a middle ground that allows the prospective parents not to go, and lets the bride and groom know that that their absence isn't for want of effort, enthusiasm or family feeling.

Dont go to the wedding. I’m in your shoes, exactly.. just a little further ahead than you. We’ve got a toddler, (who’s a nightmare at the moment with nappy changes), and am pregnant with complication after complication since 6 weeks, (had more emergency scans and extra emergency appointments then I care to recall!). We’ve bailed out of a house purchase because of the complications 1 week away from completion, in addition to turning down the wedding invite. I’m sure we were hated for a while, but once I was over the first trimester, we decided to tell the bride so that she would understand that we’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. She understood and has been very supportive since - Any decent person would be the same. You don’t have to tell people about your pregnancy if you don’t want to, eventually you will, (all going well, I pray).. they will understand eventually.

Oh, and congratulations!! Another 2025 baby!! Whoop whoop!! 🙌

Just something from upthread, not relevant to the OP personally: If the wedding is overseas it won't adhere to all the English rules on timings and such. In some countries nighttime weddings are popular, even normal. In England they were illegal until quite recently. Worth remembering in some of these overseas wedding threads that English wedding law is very restrictive. Elsewhere, you can't assume that a wedding won't be at night, or outdoors, or in someone's back garden officiated by the groom's best mate who got ordained online. (Or the reverse like France where only the civil ceremony is legal.)

Don’t tell them about the pregnancy until you’re ready. Later on when you break the news they’ll understand why you can’t go to the wedding.

He doesn’t want too

as he should. Shouldn't even be a question.

If you can arrange for help with the new baby then perhaps your husband can go. He could maybe go a day earlier and take the toddler too.

And your husband is an amazing father for putting his family first!

I completely agree with you OP. don't be pressured by anyone's thoughts on what maternity should be/is. Post partum c section with a toddler around will be complicated like you've explained so well and you are fully aware of this like a brilliant and preparing mother. I will be going through the same thing in a few months minus the wedding. Congratulations and all the best! Look after yourself !!

Well done to your dh. A sibling’s wedding is not more important than looking after your postpartum wife, brand new baby and toddler.

He is clearly a good husband and father.