For us all to miss family wedding

I know! Not only thinks OP should go, but that DH should then use his AL just after the birth to stay on for a week without the OP 😂

Haha. No sniping - just said 'despite' as a couple of my other siblings couldn't go to one or other due to having very young kids, not enough money to dedicate to it and complicated pregnancies. And everyone was fine with them not going because we actually like each other and are considerate enough to understand that not everyone will always be able to attend a wedding if it's very far away from where they live.

And yet the OP has said her DH doesn't want to miss this time. Once more, it's her baby, his sibling, he's prioritising her and the baby so your experience isn't relevant in this case.
Memories aren't always the point - immersion in a new life is.

“Even” went to all their weddings, followed by sniping about hassle and expense. Kind of says it all really.

???? Didn't say that. Did say that for many people it's a really important bonding time.

I have one son born after 5 years of fertility treatment. My husband and I love him beyond words. He is 8 years old so the newborn days are still a fairly recent memory. I have zero specific memories of any given week after he was born, and (like most fathers) my husband was back at work when he was 3 weeks old so any memories he has of that time are only evenings and weekends!

No, I like them and even went to all their weddings despite some being a real hassle in that they were extremely expensive and difficult to get to. In fact, I like them so much that if one of them was having a baby far away at a time I was getting married I'd encourage them to spend time with the baby rather than come to my wedding.

Utter bullshit that having a week away from a newborn child stops you bonding with them.

You must really dislike your kids

I think that for many many people the memory of a week with a newborn baby is more important than the memory of a wedding, and I'm not silly. For many people it's a deeply profound and almost sacred time of welcoming a whole new person into the world, of helping them adjust to life, of holding them and caring for them and helping their sibling (in this case) come to terms with this huge change. It far far trumps spending a week travelling to and from a party to formalise a sibling's relationship.

42% of all UK marriages end in divorce anyway, 51% of children are born outside marriage so what exactly is being celebrated at a wedding that makes it so massively important? It's a glorified party to formalise two people's (intended) commitment to one another and their legal entanglement. Weddings can be lovely, and very meaningful and important for the people getting married but they're not even vaguely as important as bonding with someone you have brought into the world and will be responsible for for the rest of your life!

oh Sorry we now need to get into if it’s bride and bride or groom and groom or a them and they. 🙄

Still assuming it’s a bride and groom?

My mistake. I must of read someone else call
it her dhs brother and it just stuck.

Either way the bride or groom made a choice on which side where the most important to attend and it was not the dh’s sibling.

There is nothing in any of OP’s posts that says that the DH’s sibling is male, or that the DP who grew up outside the UK is a woman.

I mean they are just words. Signing the contract is the legal legal part. Just sitting down singing papers confirming it and even then it can be simply annulled if you don’t have sex 😮 so so important are the words that no sex makes them not count.

Yes indeed so one sides family was always going to be less important in this case. The groom decided his were less important than the brides. That’s their choice.

The “I do” bit is not just words you know. And at least it IS actual words and profound emotion, unlike the meaningless gurgles of an infant.

Did you miss that half of the couple was brought up in the wedding location? The couple were never going to be able to make it equally easy for both of their families. We know nothing at all about the balancing act they had to perform.

Some of these responses are batshit. Wedding does not trump time at home with a newborn, a confused toddler and a mum thats just had her body fucked up. Having a baby is the biggest life event with the whole new life and all.

These days a wedding is just a big party anyway - flippant but true - as couples already act married long before the wedding, living together etc.

I adore my siblings but wouldn't even consider going if I was OPs DH. Of course any other time in life it would be a priority but not a few weeks after a new baby.

Oh come on. A siblings wedding is just a wedding. It’s a I do followed by a party.

Also spin it. The brother can’t really care about his siblings attendance since they decided to hold it in a difficult to access location. Must not like his siblings much huh.

You must really dislike your siblings.

I have had both a wedding and a baby and stand by the comparison. We’re not taking about the birth, just a week in the life of a non-verbal infant who will not remember a thing about that week. In the age of video calling. And nobody is saying OP should attend.

Fine to focus on the fact that OP may need practical help and emotional support. But to claim that the memory of a wedding is less significant than the memory of a week with a newborn baby is just silly.

It’s astonishing to even to compare the birth of an actual baby with a wedding! A newborn is only new born for 12 weeks! Even if they could fly without jabs and op could walk miles around the airport after a c section!

A week of a baby being a newborn is nether here nor there in terms of memories.
Of course it is! A week of a baby being newborn can be a hugely important memory, and certainly more memorable than a sibling's wedding

Yes, that’s what I said.

It is a big deal that he's missing his siblings wedding. But the way the wedding was planned means he can't attend as leaving his family to attend the wedding would be bigger deal. They've clashed, he's prioritised correctly. They need to explain to his family and if they're reasonable they'll understand.

The baby will be a newborn once. He wants to be there for it, have all the memories and photos and stories to talk about for years. He shouldn't be missing a week and a half of it to attend the siblings one day event.

That’s crackers. A wedding is hopefully a once-in-a-lifetime event for the couple. A week of a baby being a newborn is nether here nor there in terms of memories.

Look, I am not saying that the husband should attend the wedding. It sounds like the date will fall at a time when it is simply not practical for him to do so. However I do find it ridiculous that people are trying to minimise the fact that missing your sibling’s wedding is a big deal. It’s quite alright for everyone to feel sadness and regret that he won’t be able to make it, and to be open about that. That is not mutually incompatible with accepting that he can’t be there and not insisting that he find a way. Sometimes clashes happens between two very important things and the solution is not to just pretend that one of them was never important.