For us all to miss family wedding

the priority here is not that the husband have a wonderful night. It’s his wife, baby and toddler. And if he did go and with toddler, it would hopefully be not because of his parents but because he thought it totally unfair to go off to have fun leaving his wife post csection with not only newborn but also toddler. I’m sorry you expect nothing of dads.

There’s ways around going. Either go earlier or send him alone.

Surely if you are due a few weeks before the wedding you can't go, and that's that?

Assume you go overdue and give birth at 42 weeks. How long would that be before the wedding day?

Then assume you give birth at 42 weeks and you have a couple of nights in hospital and the first available appointment to register your baby is a week after their birth (being optimistic here). After you've registered your baby's birth you'll have to apply for a passport for your baby. You could potentially get it within a week after that, but nothing is guaranteed.

Even if you had a super quick turnaround time for getting a passport, most airlines won't let your baby fly until they are at least a few weeks old. My friend was almost denied boarding to come to my wedding with a 17 day old baby, and that was only a one hour flight.

Then think of the logistics of doing what sounds like a fairly long haul flight shortly after giving birth. Imagine you have a bad tear or postpartum piles and sitting is painful. Imagine you've had a C-section and a slow recovery. When I had a C-section I had to take blood thinning injections for two weeks to reduce the risk of blood clots. A long haul flight and the risk of DVT would have been out of the question.

What about health insurance, and the medical system in the country where the wedding is taking place? What if your newborn got ill over there?

Honestly I wouldn't even consider doing this (I might take the risk of short haul), and I would just tell your family about your pregnancy and say that is the real reason why.

If you have good family support from your parents or family, I agree with others that it would be good if he can go by himself, making the trip as short as possible. Only if you have the support at home though. But yes I think it would be good to tell them why you can't go.

Is the wedding in Malta?

There's only one flight out a week so unfortunately no way to avoid the midnight arrival.

Blimey. I don't think you'll be the only one put out by this. I love a wedding, but a day of travelling to get there at midnight with the wedding the next day? That doesn't sound fun at all.

C-section and leaving you alone with a toddler would be a no for me.

As much as a wedding is important to those getting married you’ll of just given birth he doesn’t need to be there.

Why not see if you can zoom/FaceTime to congratulate the happy couple.

He goes on his own.

We had two close friends overseas weddings in different countries on same weekend we had a toddler and I was mid pregnancy. Dh went to one wedding went to the other toddler stayed with granny This sounds too close for you to go even if you wanted to. Dh can’t miss siblings weddng though.

If the baby is due around then how will you know if you are able and fit to travel? It may be best to explain that you are currently due around that date. If the baby comes early and you're all well then you could all travel there a few days earlier or DH can go on his own.

It's a bit strange that they didn't check dates with you, usually a sibling confirms the date.

Because she will have a newborn and toddler??

I’d tell just the bride and groom that your rsvp is not really about the toddler but you’re early pregnant and due just before their wedding, and ask for them to keep it to themselves until you were ready to tell grandparents.

And leave @apothecarist at home with a new born and a toddler?! That would be a hard no from me…

Why can't you make a holiday of it?

Yes i'd tell the complainers the real reason. I'd do it with a mention that you're not very happy to have to be telling so early but it was forced because of them moaning about your decision !

Husband should absolutely go, either with or without toddler. If he goes with toddler because PIL are making a tantrum about it, then they should be agreeing to support husband with watching the toddler so that he can enjoy a bit of the wedding too. A wedding with a toddler ain’t no fun.

I would tell the bride and groom about the pregnancy (no need to tell anyone else), but I would also make sure your DH attends. It’s his sibling and in my family supporting each other on occasions like this is important. There is no reason he can’t go (assuming all is well with the pregnancy at that point).

It is quite fiddly to get to and from, however - looks like we'd arrive at the venue after midnight, having got up in the very early hours, and the wedding would then be that day..

I don't really understand this bit - surely you don't have to do all the travelling in one go but could get there earlier?

I think your DH should go - either on his own or with the toddler. Missing your sibling's wedding is a big deal and I can't see that it's necessary for him to miss it

So you’re pregnant and due two weeks before the wedding date?

Ignore the toddler travel for a second. You may still be pregnant. Might have a 2 week old. Might have a 4 week old (if they come 2 weeks early).

passport for baby? That’s not going to arrive on time. Birth complications?

id tell them no. And maybe tell the b&g only why you can’t go.

I think you have to come clean with the brother about why, because otherwise it looks like a snub and is very hurtful. Dh & toddler can go - you’ll be fine without him for a few days, but not if he leaves the toddler to you as well.

Is there any particular for only travelling the day before? I would definitely go at least two days earlier so that the day before the wedding is chill. If I was DH I would definitely be giving myself & toddler a bit of room to manoeuvre (and rest).

I think you should tell them or very soon tell them.

I also don’t think that just dh goes either because depending on those “couple” of weeks you could still be pregnant overdue or just even the day before or two given birth.

DH should take the toddler, you stay home and rest.

Maybe too much time on Mumsnet but if I were the B&G, knowing you have one toddler and with 40-odd weeks to the wedding, I'd have read between the lines.

Yea if possible, dh can go with toddler. Maybe a day early. Not easy for you with a tiny baby but maybe only for a few days

DH should go on his on but totally reasonable for you and bump and toddler to stay at home.