For us all to miss family wedding

God, absolutely don't go. People who book these massively inconvenient venues just have to suck it up. One flight a week? Crazy.

You, dh, toddler and new baby stay at home. Tell them to post a video link so you can watch virtually.

And only one flight - is that just to uk or are there flights to other countries which dh could get and then onwards to UK?

Of course you need to tell them. I'm sure they are all quite hurt and confused right now whereas if they know the real reason they should understand.

And those saying the DH should go - really? And leave OP with a newborn?

why?

Most people are quite happy to make a holiday off a wedding invitation. Not everyone is shocked/ horrified/ in tears at the idea of leaving their home for a few days to have a party with friends and family.

😂

The poor woman will be recovering from major surgery, her in laws are out of the country, we know nothing of her parents availability … yet PP are keen to also ship out the other adult available to help.

OP could be in hospital, won’t be able to lift her toddler, and should be laid up in bed. She shouldn’t be made to jeopardise her recovery so DH can have a family knees up abroad.

Toddler and pregnancy aside... 18 hours of travel, one flight per week and arriving after midnight on the day of the wedding is all insane.

The bride is from this area and only on mumsnet would siblings not be expected to make an effort for a family wedding in a country where the bride is from

Dh could go with toddler but the day before so they have a day before the wedding - get your mum or a friend to come and stay with you and the baby.

If there is only one flight to the destination a week, there is likely only one flight out of the destination per week.

DH would have to be away for a full week.

A question for those saying DH should go - if I am right and he has to be away (from his wife and newborn) for a full week, do you still think he should go?

And leave her alone with a newborn and a toddler…

Provided this is possible. Your DH should go with or without the toddler and stay for just 2 nights.
You stay home and a friend or family member move in for those days to help.

I would come clean on the new baby though. I wouldn’t be happy if my sibling gave that excuse but I would understand if there was a pregnancy / newborn involved.

I think it's shitty to get funny about those who decline weddings abroad. Siblings or not. It's no body else's business people might not be able to attend.

Money
Health
Baby being born !

All reasons i can easily think of which might not be subjects folks would want to be explaining to the whole family about.

You don't organise family events abroad and then demand only what you deem as acceptable excuses !

With a newborn?

Not at all. But help can be bought in, family and friends can rally round, childcare can be arranged, takeaways can be ordered. Siblings only tend to get married the once.

I suggested someone comes to help (my mum would move in with me for a few days for example) which I think would be ok for something like this.

So do you have to stay there a week before you can come home? Can you fly soon after a c-section (even if you wanted to). DH being away (with or without toddler) for a week soon after a c-section might impact on decision whether he goes too, depending on what support you have at home.

Are there cost implications too?

I think I’d see if anyone could come and stay with me to help for a few days and DH goes in his own.

The multiple posters suggesting husband should go abroad and leave OP with a newborn and a toddler… do you just hate other women?!

YAnbu
not going due to a toddler IS a valid reason IMO.
its not the relatives who have to deal with the gruelling travel and meltdowns for HOURS. No idea why people on this thread this that’s not a valid reason.

you are the parent of the child, you get to advocate for their best interests. Children is about sometimes not doing what you want coz it’s best for them. It’s not best for a toddler to do that and travel and be stuck in an adult based ceremony/dinner etc.

if people have weddings abroad they can’t expect/demand you attend. However I could see them expecting your DH to attend solo. So perhaps telling them you’ll also have a newborn would smooth it over?

Bloody hell, I'd thank your lucky stars that you have a cast iron excuse not to go. Are they seriously expecting everyone to stay for a week?

Having a c-section due just around the wedding is the only acceptable reason to miss the wedding frankly. So yes, of course you should tell them.

Talking about tricky travel arrangements when it's your own sibling sounds like a lazy excuse. It's not even a destination wedding, it's a family place for one of the couple. No wonder the sibling is upset.

Can't your DH go alone? It's not ideal, but you've got plenty of time to sort out other support with baby, toddler and house while he's gone.

Ahh.. I didn’t read it properly. I’d still send your husband.

She’s due before so presumably she’ll have a newborn (rather than be pregnant).

Privately tell the couple our reasons, tell them how sorry you are and ask them to keep it to themselves for now. Tell the rest of the family when you’re ready.