For us all to miss family wedding

If husband and toddler would have to be gone a whole week just after you’ve had a baby, they should absolutely not be going. This is not in the best interest of toddler anyway, they would have a miserable time with all the travelling and sleep disruption. Plus they would be really missing out on bonding with baby brother/ son! I think the priority should be you all being together as a family and your husband being there to support you.

The fact that he’d rather be at home with his postpartum wife, newborn and toddler.

Why not read all of the OP's posts? You will find your answer in the updates.

IMO the OP's husband is right to prioritise his wife and children.

Really don't know what it is with weddings that has people think we're all going to hell in a handcart if son and son doesn't show up.

I'm in Hong Kong. Aunt in UK was getting married. I sent all the due messages of felicitations.

And note, this was right bang in the middle of COVID. She asked me to come THREE times after I had told her the first time that I couldn't afford it, and didn't even bring up COVID.

Ha ha agreed! My older sister had planned to marry abroad. In school hols so we could all go (family of 5).

Flights alone were going to cost us in region of £9400. We said really sorry but it’s a no……cannot afford that, plus all the other costs of a wedding and isn’t somewhere we would ever holiday with kids with flights of more than 15 hours.

A destination wedding is a bit of a gamble.

I think it's really shit if none of you go.
What's stopping him?

Great story. How does that relate to the op?

Nah he shouldn’t! Did you miss the part where there’s only one flight a week?! He should be available for his wife, newborn and toddler

Jeez gender is irrelevant to this! Who actually cares whether it’s a bride and groom, 2 grooms or 2 brides….. the issue here is that OP & their DH can not attend because it’s just too difficult to do so with a newborn, a toddler, a huge scar after major abdominal surgery etc!!

Well depends on how close your DH is to his sibling. My sibling would have discussed wedding plans and what was convenient for me to attend before firming up a date especially since I live abroad and my family all live thousands of miles away! I would hate to miss my siblings nuptials but if it was unavoidable then I am sure they would understand. I would tell them about the baby now to avoid unnecessary family misunderstandings.

I went to a family wedding in an Hotel with my dad and grandchild. We shared a hotel room and took turns,Every half hour to sit upstairs with him. It worked.

I disagree. Have you missed that the OP is having a section?

DH and toddler should go!

Stick to your guns, don’t go, you don’t owe anyone an explanation now, they can find out you are pregnant when you are ready and WILD HORSES would not have dragged my husband overseas when I’d just had a baby, what are people on about 🙄

Or worse the baby may not even be here. It’s a ridiculous idea just for a wedding. If the B&G want op and family there, they can move the wedding to a local venue.

Good for your husband! I agree with him, he should be there with you after your birth and with his new born and toddler.
why on earth would anyone want to leave their wife and newborn at home to travel across the world with a toddler for sounds like a shattering day, full of over tired toddler tantrums!
when you’re ready to announce the pregnancy, simply say
‘we want to share our wonderful news with you all, we are expecting our second child on XX date, we are obviously thrilled but sad that it meant we couldn’t attend the wedding, sorry we couldn’t tell you the real reason before, but we wanted to get past the 12 week scan before announcing our news!!
is be really pissed off if my sibling was cross with me for not wanting to traipse round the world for a wedding… perhaps they could live stream the wedding so you could still watch it live x
confrats and good luck @apothecarist

This is good advice

Personally I find it extremely obnoxious of people to plan an overseas wedding and ‘expect’ people to attend …

The fact you also have a toddler would make the whole day of travelling very stressful…

Also I wouldn’t be guilt tripped or bullied into announcing your pregnancy before you’re ready, you can just announce it in a few weeks time and then say that being pregnant was in part the reason you declined the wedding but wanted to keep it quiet till after the 12 week scan…

and no I wouldn’t be sending DH to his brothers wedding abroad so close to my due date…. He should be at home supporting you with baby and toddler.

If his parents keep on I would just distance myself until you’re happy to tell them about the baby bump.

No he shouldn't. He'll have a post op wife, newborn plus toddler. I think gallivanting to a far flung destination with once a week flights is the last thing he should be doing.

Husband should go...

It is ‘just a wedding’. Hugely important to the people getting married, not particularly to anyone else.

I wouldn’t go even without the pregnancy, potential new born and toddler! And I got married in dhs home country 😂

I really didn’t ‘expect’ anyone to come unless they were easily able to, and there was no pressure or drama.

It is just a wedding!!! It really doesn’t matter that much.

Good grief this thread should win a prize for the biggest pile of unsolicited useless advice ever dished out.

The OP and her DH are agreed that they are not going to the wedding. The question was how to handle it in terms of disclosure to the happy couple.

My twopenneth on that is don’t feel you have to tell them if you’re not ready, I imagine you’ll be ready fairly soon (wishing you all the best there!), and in the meantime just say it’s too difficult to manage the journey etc, and maybe avoid them for a few weeks. If they’ve got any sense they should work out there’s a pregnancy anyway.

You ok? You seem a little obsessed with me.
I've no desire to re-read the posts of someone whose level of reasoning is so disingenuous and dishonest, such as saying 'you must really dislike your siblings', who tells me I 'can't' say something, who claims there is a general opinion that a sibling's wedding is a non-event when nobody said that, and who says I was 'sniping' about my sibling's wedding when I wasn't. Life's too short to engage with someone who can't even argue with any finesse or sincerity.

Sorry but you can’t make blanket statements like Weddings can be lovely, and very meaningful and important for the people getting married but they're not even vaguely as important as bonding with someone you have brought into the world and will be responsible for for the rest of your life!

then dismiss other people’s opinions on the basis that only the opinion of OP and her DH is relevant to any discussion on this thread.

It cuts both ways.

And perhaps go back and re-read my post where I started by saying that clearly OP’s DH could not and should not go. The entire point I was making was an objection to the GENERAL opinion that a sibling’s wedding was a non-event and that spending time with a baby was much more important. This general opinion having been expressed by many so they could endorse the specific decision made by OP and her DH. Which probably has nothing to do with memories and relative importance and everything to do with logistics and practicalities.