For us all to miss family wedding

we have a toddler, and have just found out I'm pregnant and due a few weeks before the wedding

She has a toddler and due to give birth close to the wedding date. She might go into labour early or develop health issues or be in pain etc. OP's DH has done the right thing by declining the invite. If you marry abroad then you need to realise that some people will not be able to attend.

Why do people expect others to drop their lives to attend a wedding at massive inconvenience to themselves.

Yes it's a sibling but if people have genuine hardship it's no big deal.

I would definitely not be going on that schedule with a toddler and so close after your birth.

Ridiculous people saying let the partner go on his own.

So op has to deal with recovering and a toddler and new born.

If it was posted by a man saying he wanted to go on his own in this situation he would be RIPPED TO SHREDS.

OP, you could tell them you have a surgery scheduled that can't be changed, until you're ready to tell them it's a c-section. They might push back, but that would be incredibly rude.

No, you can't go to this wedding and will probably have to tell them about the pregnancy as they will be thinking you could just about manage it with a toddler, but will surely be understanding about the pregnancy stopping it.

Absolute bonkers people suggesting the husband should go on his own..he will be a new father for Gods sake and baby, mum and toddler will need his support.

If you have a decent support network I'd consider him taking todler and staying home with newborn.

But totally reasonable not to go. Understandable they are miffed given they don't know about the pregnancy. Hopefully once you tell them they will understand

And leave OP with a newborn baby and a toddler? OP has also updated that she's having a c section.

Go earlier? She's only due to give birth a few weeks before the wedding!

Some of the replies on this thread are mental.

Do you know them? Have they told you this?

You know babies can come early, right..? If you were a woman would you want your husband travelling to a country with limited return flights when you could go into labour at any point?

I think they'll end up having a UK ceremony as well for all the people who can't come.

I think you need to come clean on the pregnancy because otherwise it just sounds like weak excuses.

Even the flight thing sounds like an excuse you could fly via somewhere.

Totally get why you can't fly just after having a baby, you'd be lucky to get a passport for the baby too.
But you need to say about the pregnancy, fingers crossed for you

Yes it’s funny on MN how some threads are all about equality and men needing to step in and pull their weight or LTB but when it comes to attending a wedding everyone’s all yeah just leave your wife post-major surgery to manage on her own cos’ ya know ‘party!’

Your husband can go alone.

I could not imagine choosing an inconvenient venue for a wedding. Even if it's a home country you surely choose an area easily accessible by multiple flights and if not then just accept the no shows.

No dh should leave a post op dw with newborn and toddler just to indulge a sibling. Crazy. Have a post wedding party in his country with his family at a later date.

There are only weekly flights so it wouldn’t be 48 hours, it would be a week.

@Chenecinquantecinq it's not helpless at all to want the father of your children there in the few weeks post operation and birth. Particularly as they have a toddler and the travel isn't appropriate for them. It's a wedding abroad not a life or death situation.

Because he'll have a new baby to take care of.

OP has said flights are only once a week so one would assume a week away not 48hrs

Because it’s not unreasonable to go away for 48 hours or so for a siblings wedding even given the circumstances. Gosh it does amaze me how helpless some people are.

So flights are only once a week so even if just DH went he’d have to take a week off, presumably during his paternity leave if he has any which is a time he’s supposed to be bonding with the newborn and supporting his wife too? (making all sorts of assumptions that he is employed not flexible working etc)

I would tell them about the pregnancy though if he has a good relationship with his sibling. I’d just be honest and say the scrutiny last time gave you pause as you’re not really ready to announce but you felt they should know the full situation and please keep it under your hat.
Honestly, I think only an a-hole wouldn't be sympathetic.

Yes I know, which is why I said I had read it as a few weeks after.

If they're the type who will freeze you out over this, I don't think they're the type who deserve to be told early. Doubly so if you don't think they'd keep it secret!! They're allowed to be sad their close family can't attend their wedding, they're not allowed to treat you badly as a result, and if you're close enough that they desperately want you there you should be close enough that they don't try to manipulate you. That's assuming you've all said you're gutted you can't go, and maybe made plans for a separate way to celebrate the couple.

Unfortunately, people are nosy and likely to guess this as the reason, especially if you've ever spoken about possibly having a second child. I can't think of a halfway explanation you could give that wont encourage speculation (eg "scheduled surgery")

And?

You owe nobody an explanation
Just stick to your guns. - you Dh has explained you cannot go.
People are so selfish in expecting others to put themselves out 'for show' (i.e. you PiLs in this instance)
I hope your pregnancy goes well