For us all to miss family wedding

People raise families everywhere in the world!

we are still waiting to hear what place on earth is suitable for a family to be raised, a wedding to be booked months in advance but is only accessible once a week.

I am not saying it does not exist, I am just curious to know WHERE that is.

I agree.

I'd just spell it out for them. You're pregnant again - new baby arriving shortly before wedding by c section. You could have issues getting new baby passport in time AND you'll be recovering from major surgery. You're not allowed to fly for at least 6 weeks after without doctors note. So depending on dates you might not be able to fly.

Yes your DH could go alone or with toddler. But if you have a rough c section and have infection etc you may well need the support at home.

Personally I think people should be able to refuse weddings abroad for any reason at all, without any push back. Asking people to travel that far is unreasonable in itself.

No dh can not go - he could miss the birth of the baby altogether if she is late ( very likely with a second baby) or you may have complications and need help. It’s a no, they will understand when they know the real reason why op.

I’d just be honest about the pregnancy.

I don't think your DH should go given how difficult transportation seems to be - if there was any problem at home it sounds like he might struggle to get back quickly

There's not a chance in hell my husband would be going anywhere for a week that close to the birth of our child.

It's a wedding. It's not the end of the world. She chose to have it in an inconvenient place (as is her prerogative) but I don't think she has a leg to stand on in getting upset about people not attending.

Tell them about the pregnancy when you're ready. Don't be pushed into anything.

Just tell them and ask them not to tell anyone else. It's better than causing hurt now then expecting them to understand closer to the time.

Your pregnancy is your legitimate reason not to go. Although, having a toddler myself, I think your original reason is good enough but can see why family don’t agree. They may be thinking your DH should still go/want you and your toddler there as immediate family and, at the end of the day, it’s not them having to deal with a tired and cranky toddler and do all the travelling with them.

It’s disappointing but your family have no choice but to understand and accept it when they know of your pregnancy. You will be heavily pregnant and close to due date (how far along will you be?). You won’t be able to fly in any case, and even if you could would you risk going into labour abroad?

You will be having a planned c-section, which are usually done earlier than 40 weeks as well (mine was done at 39 but have had friends have them 36/37 weeks) and you will have a toddler at home. So DH can’t go by himself because what if baby decided to come early and he missed it (I went into labour the morning of my section so they don’t always guarantee you’ll skip that bit!). And if baby is already here he can’t leave you and go as who’s going to help you after your c-section, especially with toddler?

I'm pretty sure lots of people are missing the bit about Op being pregnant.

I'm sure emails are the same, lots of people don't really read the second paragraph.

The C section changes everything, you can’t go. We would have arranged family or help so that my DH could go, he has only one sister who has lived overseas for 30 years so it was always a possibility. The flight is only three hours though.

Your husband should go, either alone or with the toddler.

One of my earliest memories is attending my uncle’s wedding with my father (his brother) while my mother stayed at home with my baby sibling.

It was a long journey but very exciting and I loved all that time with my father. I was very well behaved.

Yes. He will have a brand new baby, he needs to be at home, end of story. There's nothing so important that should take him away from his new baby and the baby's mother for an entire week. They chose to get married somewhere so difficult to get to, and unfortunately not everyone can sacrifice the time demanded by the location.

And leave the OP with a toddler and newborn baby to look after? Hard no from me.

And leave OP alone with a toddler and a newborn, just a few weeks after a c section?

My brother was abroad for a year when DH and I got married. He did come back early for the wedding but I didn't expect him to and wouldn't have been annoyed if he hadn't. My point being decent families don't go into sulks over conflicting interests.

I think your BIL and PILs need to get over themselves. It's a long way to travel (although I am confused by the one flight a week, do you mean one direct flight a week? There has to be another way to get there), and is presumably expensive. I'd not tell them about your pregnancy till I was ready to, particularly with all the scrutiny around your complications last time. They've lost the right to know early after what they did before.

@TopshopCropTop Without knowing that you are pregnant if it was my brother I would be fucking fuming. I think you need to tell them

Maybe you have missed the flight aspect? If people want to have overseas destination weddings that’s perfectly fine, but to expect others to jump on a plane, jetset off, take extended time from work (esp for places with limited flights in/out), is utterly taking the piss, and they must expect a number of people to give it a swerve. I’ve already told all mine that if it’s a wedding involving a flight and more than a day off work, I’ll be sending a card😆. That’s for my own kids. Like hell I’d be doing it for anyone else.

I appreciate the bride/groom may be from two different countries, and I’ve known a lot of people in this situation. They have all had the ‘official’ wedding in one country then the ‘fake’ one in the other country. Families and friends only attended the one held in their own countries. One couple I know recently did this 6 or 8 months apart as they wanted good weather in both countries for it and they were in different hemispheres.

Baby would have arrived by the time of the wedding…….

Exactly this! 👍

Yeah just tell them you're pregnant.

And I know travelling with a toddler will be hard, but I think DH should go with toddler. Sounds like others will be on the same flight too if there's only one a week.

There is only one flight in and out a week! Hardly attend the wedding and back home the next day “

Missed that bit. Fair enough. In which case it would be a no from us. I would tell them about the pregnancy, in those circumstances. No one else needs to know.
(What does that emoji mean?)

I mean - I’m intrigued that there is one flight a week to this area - it sounds super remote?! Is it Antarctica?!

just tell them re the pregnancy - it’s the real reason you can’t go and now they’ll probably understand more but might accuse you of being dishonest. Can DH go with toddler? That might work to help ease tensions?

There is only one flight in and out a week! Hardly attend the wedding and back home the next day 🤦🏻‍♀️