For us all to miss family wedding

It's not bridezilla to have your wedding in your own country. And presumably the groom was part of the decision.

It's going to be a long way for a wedding for one set of family, wherever they have it. And absolutely none of your highlighted rant is the case. The entire question in the OP revolves around the fact that the couple don't know that OP is pregnant.

With the newborn?

@apothecarist I went to a wedding that involved travel and accommodation because the bride was from there and her entire family were there. Not everyone on the groom’s side could go.

What they did is after they came back from their honeymoon they arranged a party celebrating their wedding in the groom’s hometown. It was kind of like a reception but they shared videos and photos of the wedding.

Could your Dh’s sibling do something like this? Would they be interested in doing something like this? As a way of including and celebrating with Dh’s sibling’s family and friends who just cannot attend the actual wedding?

Pretty shocked at people saying for your DH to go by himself or with toddler. Baby could be just a few days old and doing skin to skin/bonding with their parents

The OP was pretty clear that she is due a few weeks before the wedding and it is a c section so the baby won't be late.

There's no way the baby will be a few days old. A few usually implies 3-6.

I don't think it's a big deal to look after a 3-6 week old on your own for a few days. I do think the DH should take the toddler though.

I bet you had a five day fancy dress destination wedding in Maui and expected all your relatives to save for two years to afford it.

Exactly this. The whole thing smacks of high maintenance, head-up-her-arse selfish bridezilla... 'It's all about me me me, we are so important that you WILL attend our wedding even if it costs you 3 grand, and you're 9 months pregnant, and have a toddler, and you have to take a week of holiday leave from work. ME ME ME. It's all about MEEEEEEEEEEE!'

Upshot, don't have a wedding abroad and then piss and moan and whinge because some people refuse to come.

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If it’s a one direct flight a week place then the couple are going to find lots of people finding it practically undoable. Presumably everyone will have to stay for a week if they want to avoid complicated journeys.

I’d be in favour of sending your husband for a few days. But post c section leaving you with a baby and toddler for a week? Nah.

Because the OP will need help managing a newborn and a toddler in the immediate aftermath of her C-section?

This isn't what paternity leave is for.

Why doesnt DH attend alone? Seems the best solution for everyone.

No they aren't. If you choose to get married in an inconvenient location involving complex travel arrangements and people having to take annual leave, you have absolutely no right to be pissed off if people can't make it, whether there are circumstances you are unaware of or not.

I don’t get the MUST attend at all frankly. It’s a wedding. It’s not their last day on earth. You’re not rushing for a death bed for the last words you’ll ever get to speak to one another.

It’s just a wedding and party. Let’s be totally honest here. Your wedding matters to you. Hugely. To immediate family it may also be important, to friends and wider family it’s a day out and party. But it’s still not an emergency. It’s not a if we don’t go the world will end.

You shouldn’t demand people take annual leave to go to your wedding regardless of where it is or be mad that someone cannot attend. The only people who matter will be in attendance. The bride and groom and the person marrying them. Nobody else’s attendance actually matters.

If you family will fall about because a sibling cannot or won’t attend then your family wasn’t actually that close or caring and thoughtful to each other anyway.

It's not really a destination wedding though. It's not like they've chosen somewhere in the middle of nowhere because they want to get married on a beach. It's where one of the couple is from and where their family still lives.

And he can always decide not to go, if it does happen to be more complicated. It's not as if you book the flights and you're escorted on at gun point.
If it were my sibling, or DHs sibling, we would be planning to make the effort.

Of course having a toddler is an 'excuse.' In fact, it's a damn good reason. Like hell would I be dragging my toddler abroad, getting up at stupid o'clock like 5.00am, and not getting there till midnight. What, a 17 hour trip just for someone's dumb wedding that they chose to have abroad? LOL fuck that!

I wouldn't go with my toddler. Even if I wasn't heavily pregnant at the time ... As previous posters have said, you're free to have your wedding anywhere you like. Have it on the moon if you like, but just expect a lot of people to refuse to attend - or say they will attend, then bail out when they realise what a ballache it's going to be.

Because it's really unreasonable to expect people to spend loads of time travelling many miles, (because of YOUR choice to have your wedding abroad,) spending loads of money (and it will cost many ££££££!) And then there's the logistics if you've got small children!

Anyone that has a wedding abroad and then gets all sniffy and huffy, and butthurt and salty, because some people won't come is an absolute selfish idiot and they don't deserve anybody to turn up. Why do people have to get married abroad?! If the sibling's partner is 'from overseas' but is living here in the UK, then they should have a wedding over here. They chose to come and live here. Why should everybody haul ass across to another country/another continent to attend the wedding?

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I would find a way for at least husband to go. His siblings wedding is a big deal. If say either husband alone or husband and toddler.

If you have some kind of robust support, maybe your parents for example, then your husband should go alone.

Unless there are complications with you or the baby after the birth etc.

@apothecarist your DH should still go, even if you don't feel up for it.

Could your toddler stay with your family and the two of you go?

Or just take non-direct flights and turn it into an adventure/holiday?

Yes, and my twins arrived at 30 weeks but were in hospital for 7 weeks. OP mentions complications in her last pregnancy which means she will be high risk again. Giving birth is an unpredictable situation; it could all be fine timing wise or it could not.

Yes but due dates shift.

Well lucky you if you could have spared your DH, but it's totally irrelevant in this case as plenty of people can't due to their specific circumstances. A new baby and a C-section is always a risky time for anyone, and it's her DH's baby too, not just hers. It's not overly dramatic to say she should prioritise her family at one of the most significant and potentially dramatic time of their lives, particularly as she's said she had complications last time.

It's your husband's brother's wedding so it's important to attend. However, if your pregnancy is deemed 'high risk' and due date is very near to wedding date, that is good reason not to go. You said baby is due 'afew weeks' before wedding date. How many weeks is afew? That is relevant. If your family are aware of your pregnancy and related matters, I'm sure they will be understanding. Worst case scenario, your husband should attend alone

The baby is due weeks before the wedding.

Those pp suggesting DH go I think are unreasonable. OP mentions complications in her last pregnancy. She may have complications again. Even if OP does have supportive parents if there are complications someone may need to be with her at the hospital with her and someone may need to be with the toddler at home. I would not want my husband in a place where there is only one flight a week. Our twins arrived at 30 weeks via emergency C-section. We had a toddler at home, luckily my parents were available to help. I needed my husband there. One of our twins nearly died from sepsis on day 2 - I was still struggling post C section - it would have been so much more difficult without my husband around. It is unfortunate timing but the DH's responsibility is to his wife and unborn child, in this situation.

It’s also not that fair on DH.

My DH would have been really upset to miss those early days of his paternity leave and not spend them with our newborn Dc.