For us all to miss family wedding

Did you read OPs posts? C Section. She's not going to be gallivanting around leaving a newborn and toddler at home a few weeks post C Section. Good grief.

Most of the PP suggesting husband swan off for a week to his siblings wedding leaving wife at home with newborn and toddler after a C section would be shouting LTB on another thread @apothecarist.

Have you ever met a toddler?

Toddler can go with DH.

The OP has said there are also connecting flights so he could take one to be back faster

She is due "a few weeks" before the wedding - so it's very hard to see how she won't be a few weeks post birth

Cool wife looks after the toddler of course, post section with a newborn, it’s mumsnet, nothing should get in the way of going to a wedding. 😅 Madness. Especially given she won’t be allowed to lift the toddler for weeks 🤣🤣🤣 and not even allowing for all the things that can cause complicated recoveries.

And what happens about their toddler?

But isn’t 2-3 days it’s seven as there are only flights once a week.

And how will they know when she is going to have the section, my date changed from bang on the due date to two weeks earlier, my friends was delayed till days later because of emergency sections and staff shortages.

No one is suggesting he misses the birth of his child or supporting his wife afterwards.

Just that a few weeks after that, he could be away for 2-3 days.

You could have had a c-section without your DH there? You could have looked after a new baby and a toddler after a C-section? Wow what a cool woman you are 🙄

I lost so much blood (and had other issues) after my section I couldn’t hold my baby, my husband did all the skin to skin, held the baby to my breast to feed etc. I was in for a week, and was extremely sick with an infection incision. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone but him in the theatre with me holding my hand, and certainly wouldn’t have wanted my husband the baby’s father to miss out on looking after my baby when I couldn’t. (It was so understaffed at my hospital they asked my husband to stay for the duration of my stay).

I would have thought the birth of your second child would be the once in a lifetime event. Posters suggesting he misses that and misses supporting his wife through a C-section seem absolutely mad. I cannot understand the thought process of posters valuing a wedding over supporting a woman having a baby.

I was just thinking this - yeah leave the toddler with mum who will either be pregnant or dealing with after effects of a c section! It's ridiculous

This. I really don't think he should even be considering it as an option, OP! Honestly, it would be crazy if your extended family didn't understand it... 🙏

I respectfully disagree about my comments being dramatic.
But that's fine as we're all grown-ups here with different opinions.
But it's quite patronising, condescending and insulting to infer that I couldn't have spared my DH for a few days whilst I was at home with a toddler and new baby, but you, and lots of people, could.
In my case the situation never arose, so it's academic anyway.
But the OP started this thread because it concerns her.
It isn't actually about me, or you, or "lots of people", is it?

If it weren't for the pregnancy, I think it would be reasonable to expect that your DH went even if the flight/distance set-up wasn't going to work for you all. Given your due date and the expectation of a C section, it's obviously not unreasonable for you all to skip it.

But if you don't tell the family about the pregnancy, they obviously can't be expected to understand that. If you're reluctant to share your news it's obviously your prerogative not to, but you can't expect them to be psychic and should expect some grumbing or pushback about the wedding. And if you then announce it later, don't be surprised if people feel you wrongfooted them into reacting unreasonably. I'm afraid I think it's a no-win for you unless you announce your pregnancy earlier than you'd otherwise like to.

If you're having a C section, I don't think your DH should be leaving you at all.

OK well I think perhaps your experience is unusual. Most weddings will involve a daytime ceremony and then a wedding breakfast and evening reception.

My toddlers are pretty adaptable but the idea of putting them through a day of disruption and excitement and then expecting them to stay awake through an evening meal without crying or having a tantrum is just wild, even without a long haul flight the day before and possible jet lag. This is just too much to expect from a young child.

If the OP wasn't pregnant and they were really committed to going then she and her husband could tag team. But since she can't go and he'd be on his own with the toddler, if the toddler can't cope and has a meltdown, either during the ceremony or the reception, the OP's husband will have to take him away. And frankly, if the OP's husband ends up back at the hotel room by 9pm, staring at his phone screen in the dark, possibly having not even eaten the meal the bride and groom have paid for, there is absolutely zero point in him being there.

One couple brought their 15 month old to our wedding and might have set up a travel cot in a corner for her at some point. But we got married in the place where they live, so there was no travel tiredness or jet lag to factor in, and if it had been a disaster they would have just called it a night and gone home.

Why would people get the arse about ppl not coming. Its their wedding and as long as they are there that is what matters.
Things are hard enough in life without the pressure to take a family overseas for a wedding jeez.

We were in this position but with a better choice of flights and didn't go. There was no way I'd fit to travel after a c-section and you're meant to be laying in and getting feeding established, lots of skin to skin + doting on and including toddler to help with transition. It's unfortunate but it's just terrible timing.

Tell them you'd love to do something together to celebrate separately.

Also tell DH's before they do.

Just tell them it’s not practical for you to be able to attend, they’ll soon find out the real reason.

And?

@Simonjt

You didn't actually give birth though mate.

I’ve never been to a wedding that went to beyond about 4pm after a 40ish minute service, theres always plenty time for naps between the food and main reception, I’ve not been to any christian ones though, so I don’t know if they go on for a very long time or are typically held at night. But theres nothing stopping you from keeping a toddler up later than usual, they’re not going to explode or anything.

And leave op with a newborn and toddler?

I've never been to a wedding that was finished by the time most toddlers go to bed. What sort of weddings do you go to?