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AIBU?

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Original poster

First world birthday champagne problem, AIBU?

65 replies

LilacWriter · 22/10/2024 23:38

My boyfriend who is from another country is cooking me a birthday meal. He asked what I wanted and I asked for my favourite dish by him. He replied saying he's decided on something else which is traditional from his country which is honestly not my favourite at all but I'm not going to be ungrateful.

I got good champagne as a gift from my parents for us to have with the birthday meal (birthday and Christmas are the two times of year I have it) so I said I'll bring this and he says 'no we should have beer with the dish, it complements better"

It's my birthday. I don't want effing beer! AIBU to enforce birthday champagne?

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 23/10/2024 12:46

Oh my god! I see why beer is important but I absolutely couldn’t do the pickled herring. My DH could! Must have been nordic in a past life.

Original poster
LilacWriter · 23/10/2024 12:40

DoreenonTill8 · 23/10/2024 12:38

Is the meal pickled herring? Love as a snack but can't imagine as a full special meal!

Honestly it wasn't far off!

Not something I want as a birthday meal, no.

OP posts:
purplebeansprouts · 23/10/2024 12:39

Ltb

DoreenonTill8 · 23/10/2024 12:38

Is the meal pickled herring? Love as a snack but can't imagine as a full special meal!

SocksAndTheCity · 23/10/2024 12:34

If he is making a big pork pie YABU but I will eat it 😀

GabriellaMontez · 23/10/2024 12:33

"And we'll do it your way on your birthday darling".

These things are yellow flags at the moment.

How he responds to you asserting yourself, will tell you if they're going to become red flags.

PinkyFlamingo · 23/10/2024 12:32

It's a bit concerning you seemed to have felt you couldnt say anything initially

TwinklyAmberOrca · 23/10/2024 12:31

I'm going to buck the trend and say it sounds quite romantic.

He's clearly quite proud of his country and culture and wants to share it and make you a special meal.

My foreign ex did this once and cooked lots of dishes for me to try on my birthday with different wines to accompany and compliment each course/dish. It was actually so lovely and definitely not what I'd normally eat but nevertheless really good.

UnderOverUp · 23/10/2024 12:27

How long have you been together?

I’m married to someone from another country/culture. You have to, fairly quickly, figure out whether you’re on the same page culturally. How much do you follow one culture or the other, who chooses when there’s a clash, where can you compromise. We do a present on Christmas Eve, which honestly bugs the hell out of me, but I know in reality it’s inconsequential and it’s what his family do. He’s learned to get good at present giving, when his culture is to only give money. Having kids makes the differences a hundred times bigger.

Stomping your foot about wanting champagne may be a first world problem. But don’t miss the point that there’s a bigger relationship question underneath it.

rooshoe · 23/10/2024 12:22

Do you have a decent champagne stopper like the Le creuset one? If not treat yourself to one.

Then open and drink your lovely champagne and have the rest of it the next day.

You get twice the champers, he can have blokes beer.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 23/10/2024 12:17

i married someone from another country. it's difficult. 23 years in and it's still has its difficulties. just silly things like they eat birthday cake before eating an actual meal which is crazy to me. also funerals are a 3 day event. really crazy things i still aren't used to

LifeInAHamsterWheel · 23/10/2024 12:13

Open the birthday champagne, but drink it alone and toast your good fortune being rid of that horrible ex!!

halloumidippers · 23/10/2024 12:10

It's my birthday and Im on a diet. Please get him to cook his dish, then cook yours and eat them both for me?

LoveWine123 · 23/10/2024 12:10

I'm seeing red flags in this relationship from both you and him. Ignoring your requests is not a great thing on his side and you not voicing your opinion with him but coming here to ask random people is not good here. The fact that you are letting him do what HE wants for YOUR birthday is not a good sign. You need to advocate for yourself more and make sure you are heard. It's a small thing yes but it is a sign of a bigger thing and I would take notice This doesn't have to be difficult or complicated and it just takes simple actions to correct and set precedent for the future when you will inevitable encounter much bigger problems.

pikkumyy77 · 23/10/2024 12:10

LilacWriter · 22/10/2024 23:51

@ErrolTheDragon

I'll enforce the champagne but I think I'll feel quite spoiled saying I don't want the dish he wants to make.

I just wish he hadn't bothered asking if I had a 'birthday meal request' ffs. A cold meal on my birthday because it's the tradition where he's from. Great.

Don’t be such a martyr. You should not have to treat him like a toddler serving you pretend tea. You should be able to say “that is not what I want.” And have him be ok. You like one dish that he makes, surely that is flattering enough?

Original poster
LilacWriter · 23/10/2024 12:06

@TheBeesKnee he is part German!

No I'm working on the day annoyingly. Working from home.

I associate birthday dinner and cake with post work relaxation. I don't fancy squeezing it in between work calls in the afternoon!

We have a show and dinner planned for the next day. I hope we don't fall out over cake beforehand.

OP posts:
TheBeesKnee · 23/10/2024 12:03

Ah I was thinking he might be German!

Just keep telling him what you want/when you want to eat and if he protests just parrot that it's your birthday and you want things your way, he can have his birthday in xyz way when it comes around.

How annoying, I hope he doesn't spoil the day for you!

Do you have anything else planned that day?

Original poster
LilacWriter · 23/10/2024 12:00

TheBeesKnee · 23/10/2024 11:51

Where is he from and what were the dishes? What kind of cake is he making?

Sorry I am very nosy and love food.

He sounds domineering.

Show quote history

He's from a Nordic country, I won't say much more than that

The cake features a lot of fruit and cream and sponge apparently

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacWriter · 23/10/2024 11:56

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 23/10/2024 11:53

He's either very rigid or he's being controlling. You're still not getting the meal you want. It's your birthday, cake is for whenever you want it. He can get traditional on his birthday if he wants.

Show quote history

I think it's the first one.

I'm very surprised that he's treating my birthday as though I'm from his country. I'm going to set him straight.

We usually get on very well with no issues, he's gone weird over this birthday thing!

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 23/10/2024 11:53

LilacWriter · 23/10/2024 11:44

The good news is he was fine with and I'm getting the meal I want

Then I mentioned evening cake and he said 'cake is for the afternoon usually.'

He's treating my birthday as though I'm from his country with his traditions which I find weird!

He's either very rigid or he's being controlling. You're still not getting the meal you want. It's your birthday, cake is for whenever you want it. He can get traditional on his birthday if he wants.

TheBeesKnee · 23/10/2024 11:51

LilacWriter · 23/10/2024 11:44

The good news is he was fine with and I'm getting the meal I want

Then I mentioned evening cake and he said 'cake is for the afternoon usually.'

He's treating my birthday as though I'm from his country with his traditions which I find weird!

Where is he from and what were the dishes? What kind of cake is he making?

Sorry I am very nosy and love food.

He sounds domineering.

KimberleyClark · 23/10/2024 11:48

So he asked you what he wanted and then decided to cook what he wanted. Okay……

Original poster
LilacWriter · 23/10/2024 11:44

The good news is he was fine with and I'm getting the meal I want

Then I mentioned evening cake and he said 'cake is for the afternoon usually.'

He's treating my birthday as though I'm from his country with his traditions which I find weird!

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacWriter · 23/10/2024 00:05

Ok I'm just going to tell him I don't want that dish and that I'm drinking champagne.

If he goes in a mood that will be telling. Hopefully he just reverts to the original request!

OP posts:
Original poster
LilacWriter · 23/10/2024 00:03

Eenameenadeeka · 23/10/2024 00:02

You can have champagne, he can have beer. More champagne for you hah.

Is he a confident cook?? I wonder if he's picked it because he is more confident making it.

Edited

He is yes.

I think this is what they make for each other in his family on their birthdays.

But it's not what I want this time.

OP posts: