To be pissed of at husband

I mean, you don't have to have an email pop up to have these thoughts about work. At any point at the weekend you might think about something you have to do on Monday. Is that also defined as 'working', are you meant to turn off your thoughts as well.

You're making a mountain out of a single pop-up email. It's kind of ridiculous

He sounds a bellend - any good points?

I would find the first thing hugely irritating. How about you let him plan his time with his child how he wants. He can learn their likes/dislikes without you sticking your oar in.

The second - meh.

I can't believe posters are defending him, OP. In a decent relationship, a partner can make a perfectly benign suggestion without being accused of being controlling. Also a) an email popping up doesn't mean you're working and b) what the hell business of his is it if the OP did choose to do some work? It's holiday time for me atm and I'm about to spend most of today working. It wouldn't occur to dh to think this was something into which he has any input! Jeez.

I think people are tying themselves in knots trying to make the DH’s behaviour ok. It isn’t!

I would find the first irritating too. Like I couldn't plan anything myself...

Maybe you do interfere a lot more than you realise.

Good grief 🙄

You noticed there was an email. You read enough of the title/description to know that it was a work email and not a personal one. Even if it's only been enough to notice (e.g.) that it said "I need some info about Acme account" it's highly likely that your brain would think "Oh I wonder what they want to know?", "the info about Acme account is in the folder, why are they emailing about it", or even to start thinking about what you've been doing with the Acme account.

This might not be your definition of "working" but neither is it having a break from work. Switch the notifications off!

Rather than persuade him you weren’t working I’d be inclined to say “It’s my work laptop email notifications come up whether I’m working or not” if he labours the point use his own tactic of saying “OK then” with an eye rolling tone.

with the restaurant I’d say “just a suggestion you do you” and then walk away.

Hard to know.

You think you made a suggestion about lunch. How did you make it?

"If you're looking for somewhere for lunch, there's xyz place nearby that's really nice"

"As you're going to that venue, then you really should go to xyz place that DS likes because he'll definitely be upset to miss out if you don't go there."

Both "suggestions". One rather more pointed than the other.

With respect to the work email - I used to have work emails sent to my personal device, and it's nigh on impossible to entirely ignore them - you always end up with your brain switching to work mode. Unless you have a job where you hardly ever get emails, you will have had work emails all the time you were doing your personal stuff and you will automatically have at least half registered them. So you may not be "working" but you're also not fully switched off from work. If you've been complaining about too much on at work and/or being stressed and not having down time at home, I think your husband's comment is valid.

Are you happy OP?
Because it certainly doesn't sound it.
Yours was a suggestion, thats all.
He can ignore it.

What you do on your laptop is none of his business.
Expecting you to do housework?

Only one child?
Good.

He doesn't sound particularly kind and you don't sound happy?
Are you?
How do you feel about him?

Threads like this often cover the real issues.

Probably because you did work, so you lied. It might have only been one work email, but it's still work. His reaction was ott, but quite frankly the first incident would have irritated me if I was him. Suggesting lunch somewhere, fine, specific place, a bit controlling. Lying about working on day off when he saw that you were ? That's you gaslighting him.

You have a history with your mother and you are projecting this history on your relationship with your husband. You say it doesn't happen often but when it does, it makes you very angry. None of the situations you described here should have provoked this reaction unless it was happening several times a day.
For your husband to see that email came from work you must have actually opened the email, in which case you were working. I hate when my partner is working evenings and weekends. I know he has to but it does make me frustrated because I feel we can never properly switch off and spend time together. Yes, sometimes this work is just checking a message from a client and I think he needs to have firmer boundaries around being contacted out of hours. It doesn't make a monster.

Not the point of your thread but I hate it when my husband tries to dictate when I can and can’t work. He is quite happy for me to do errands during the working day but thinks I should just switch off at 5pm. It is give and take.

He also doesn’t appreciate that not finishing what I am doing stresses me out so I won’t have a nice relaxing evening and I am adding more pressure to myself for the next day!

Hang on… if you are not working he expects you to be doing housework?

The former would annoy me too - I don't need another adult making suggestions for me.

The latter - it depends? Did you have your head stuck in your laptop all day?

I can see why he's annoyed at you in both instances, but 'controlling' is doing a lot of heavy lifting there

I've been annoyed by similar sorts of suggestions in the past (although I've normally concluded that it was over-sensitive of me to be annoyed), but I think calling it controlling is a huge overreaction.

The first one would annoy me if I was DH too. Surely DS would ask if he wanted to go there? Or DH can make plans with DS on their day out without your suggestions.

The second one I do agree with you about so it’s hard to say.

Just read until the end. Then go to the Relate website and read that. Only then dismiss it if you feel it's way off base.

https://www.thehotline.org/resources/what-is-emotional-abuse/