Failing my baby

You’re not failing her at all!!! You sound amazing and very caring. Just what she needs.

She sounds exactly like my DD who drove me bonkers with the exact same feeding pattern.

looking back I think she was uncomfortable. I’d had to take antibiotics shortly after giving birth and I think it wrecked her microbiome.

Not sure if you’ve had the same?. If I had my way now, I’d give her infant probiotics, there’s a Jarrow baby one with bifidobacteria Longum that’s so important for long term immunity development.

It might help settle her tummy? Just an idea. My DD has asthma and I wish I’d known to help with these autoimmune allergy things.

Some babies are very unsettled. I remember taking mine to a baby weaning class at 7 months and all the babies were happy sitting contented and mine was crying!! As usual!! I couldn’t have tried harder though, I loved her with all my heart. Still do of course.

Anyway my DD is extremely bright. Got loads of 9s and 8s at GCSEs just gone. Things will come right in the end! Don’t you worry 🥰

Not helpful. Spiteful even.

Rock her, sing, we used to bounce on a medicine ball until she dropped off. She loved the movement. Different babies will respond to different things. She'll be full and sleepy so shouldn't be too tricky

My DD would never fill up with my milk, we switched to bottle and she was instantly a different baby, absolutely wolfed it down. I was sad for a bit but also soooo relieved she was having a proper feed. Everything improved from then on and she's a thriving toddler now.

You are a fabulous mum, and how you feed your daughter will never change this. You could try combi feeding? I'm sure it's been suggested so apologies. Her feeding schedule sounds absolutely brutal for you. On the bottle mine was every 3-4 hours at that stage and each feed took about 10 mins.

Good luck and I promise it will get easier x

I co-slept. It was the only way to get sleep. I made it as safe as I could.

You are not failing her. I assure you it is easy to look after an easy baby and incredibly hard to look after a more difficult one - I've had one of each! Can you get more help with breastfeeding from a support group? You can switch to formula too but I understand you want to breastfeed. You've done very well getting to 4 months. My children were born average size but setting on low centiles and are small kids, but do grow. My poor sleeper did improve in toddlerhood and is a very clever but intense child!

Sounds like the 4 month regression

I'm in exactly the same position OP. My little girl is 4 months and only sleeps/naps on me, can't get anything done, but she is sleeping through the night. I think they go through a growth spurt at this age because she is feeding more recently as well it feels almost constant. Hang in there!! It helps getting out the house and seeing people, even though it is challenging it makes the day go quicker. Easier said than done I know.

I breast fed till 9 months but from the very early on gave formula for the before bed feed. If you are tired by the end of the day you will make less milk and the baby will be hungry. Babies suck even when there is no milk so I often thought my first baby was fed when she was still hungry. The formula did not affect my milk production. I stopped breast feeding when I felt I needed my body back.

You’re not doing anything wrong.
My baby was exactly like this.
All babies are different. It’s not easy!
Keep doing what you feel is right.

My DS was the same. I look back now (he's 7) and I think I wasn't producing enough milk. If I could go back in time I would have bottle fed him much earlier rather than have 6 months of hell.

sending you a massive massive hug. you are doing so well. it’s great you are breastfeeding your baby but really there is nothing wrong with formula or combi feeding. i really wanted to ebf but unfortunately after my c section my milk was never quite able to keep up with demand so in the end we realised that fed is best.

like your baby my little boy could not be put down. we tried 3 different cots before one finally worked. it gets a bit easier once she can sit independently.

www.basisonline.org.uk/parents-bed/

You're not doing anything wrong. Baby sleep is a complete rollercoaster especially in that first year it's so up and down (usually down for quite a bit) but does eventually get better. sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/
Babies sleeping better on formula is a myth look up professor Amy brown she has some great videos on YouTube/facebook.

Once I embraced cosleeping I felt a huge relief. Based on what I read because I was EBF and I did not having any risk factors and following safe cosleeping guidance it was as safe for my baby as a cot.

I also felt how you did. Have you spoken to anyone about how you're feeling ? Your partner / health visitor / GP?

This sounds so rough @mumtoababygirl

A couple of thoughts:

• Could you buy a pump and bottle feed breast milk, this would help you monitor intake
• Do you pick her up immediately when she cries? My baby wakes and whimpers for a couple of minutes but goes back to sleep half the time
• Does baby appear to have bad wind or something waking her up so regularly? Is she waking herself up a lot trying to pass gas?

I hope this thread gives you some answers you need. The lack of sleep must be so rough. You're not failing your baby by any means 😘

OP I don't know if this has already been mentioned but it sounds to me like a classic case of silent reflux. It peaks at about 4 months.

DS1 was the same. He could not be put down, he was feeding CONSTANTLY to help ease the pain from the acid. It was exhausting. We cut out dairy and that eased things a bit. We were prescribed lansoprazole which is what really made a difference, and then he slowly grew out of it.

DS2 who is 2 months is showing signs of the same. He's been prescribed omeprazole which I'm giving him now, because I cannot go through it all again.

Hope things get better for you soon.

I have 2 children. One was breast fed. One was formula fed. Breast fed baby has stomach issues.
You've done 4 months, there are literally baby foods in the supermarket for 4 months+
Try and introduce a bottle and see how you feel, you can still breast feed as well but a bottle before bed could be helpful

You could offer formula too, just for a while to see if makes a difference. I breastfed my DD for 15 months but also introduced formula around 4 months as I did shared parental leave and went back to work for blocks of time. I breastfed more when I was back home with her again. I always liked giving her formula too because I felt it made sure she was getting any vitamins I was short of.

I would still consider it. Or look at the ones I mentioned instagram pages, lots of useful advice. 40m is a long time for a baby this age, they usually get very efficient. Switch feeding, breast compressions or different positions may aid milk transfer (and weight gain) and also perhaps reassure you what you’re describing is normal.

big hugs to you xxx

Sorry havent rtft but the very fact you are posting this (on mumsnet - where replies can be brutal) shows you aren't failing your child. You clearly care about your baby loads and loads.

You are in the thick of it at the moment - your hormones are still very postpartumy (medical term) and you are so so sleep deprived. In a year's time you will look back at this with a perfectly fine and healthy toddler and wonder why you were worried.

But of course if you are struggling mentally please ask for help. Sending hugs.

An evening bottle to take pressure off. Also might help with association between feeding and sleep.

That sounds so difficult. Has anyone checked whether the tongue tie has reattached? My ebf baby's weight dropped round about the same age and it was so stressful. She tended to yo-yo between the 30th and 50th centiles for a good while. Does she feed as often during the day or is it more at night? Sometimes people advise to feed more during the day so that babies aren't as hungry at night.

Equally, if you really feel like you need some more sleep, there is nothing wrong with asking your partner to take baby for the first part of the night and giving a bottle.

Ah op it sounds like you're doing amazing. Honestly raising a child is incredibly hard especially in the early months when they just need you so much all the time. And breastfeeding is very very hard, physically and on the head as well. My ds really struggled with weight gain as well and it was only at about 8 months I started to actually enjoy breastfeeding and it wasn't something that was paired with a huge worry over weight gain and how often i had to feed etc etc etc. It can be a very constant source of worry. So I think you're incredible and deserve to give yourself the credit for how hard you've worked to get this far. The lack of sleep and the stress don't last forever but they are really really tough when you're in the thick of it.

I think it's important to note a few things here - first breastfeeding looks like a whole lot of different things. Often we're just sold the idea of a woman solely feeding directly from the breast when in reality breastfeeding is also pumping and exclusively bottle feeding, its also nursing and supplementing with formula and many other options in between. So you are allowed to try things to see what works for you and your family including switching to sole use of formula if that's what you want to do.

What support do you have at home? I found my wee one would have looked to feed much more when I was around but actually would have been more settled for his dad even I was in a different room or went out for a bit. I'd also have expressed milk and then his dad gave him a bottle while I went to sleep in the evening so I wasn't going into the night with lots of wake ups already drained. I felt really guilty and anxious being separated from him but I needed it. Take any and all help offered and sleep during the day if baby does the housework etc can wait and someone else could do it.

You need to protect your mental health,I had really bad ppa and lack of sleep was a major trigger for me. So you need to weigh up your own needs here too.

Also Co sleeping is fine provided you're in a safe position and nhs now offer guidance on this. Speak to your hv about safe sleeping positions. Many women who bf co sleep (its proven to help women sustain bf because of the demand during the night and actually means on average bf mothers statistically get more sleep than ff mothers according to some studies) so if you need to cosleep do it, just make sure you're in a safe set up. Or do it while someone else is around who can check in on you both if that gives you peace of mind. The happy co sleeper on Instagram is really useful for tips and advice

Ultimately op, you are the cog that keeps all the wheels turning... its normal to want to put your baby first but actually YOU need to be the priority so you are able to provide for your baby. So you do what feels right for you.

Ridiculous comment, and harmful to the OP who is already (wrongly) assessing herself as failing. Isn't it just as likely she is a baby who wants to be held as much as possible - it's hardly unusual to have a Velcro baby at 4 months old.
You should be ashamed, trying to make the OP feel worse.

The more posts the sadder it gets. Poor mite is hungry.