Failing my baby

You don't need to stop though. You can combifeed. I've moved to combifeeding because I just can't keep up with him. I switched at about 5 months. He still wakes every 2 hrs and won't really nap during the day. I don't feel bad at all.

Co-slept here, too. I just liked being close to my baby, too, as much as he needed to be close to me. It does mean that you sleep lighter, but better than being up & down all night. He would stir, rather than wake, then a quick pat & back to sleep.

Co-slept with both of mine. Got more sleep.

I think you are trying to hard for follow all the advice and get it perfect. In your position I would co sleep, it saved my sanity.

How are her poos? are they yellow? and is her skin clear? just wondering if the clingyness and weight issues could be linked to tummy troubles.

You don't have to stop breastfeeding if you introduce formula. I did combination feeding from 3 months and honestly thought it was the best of both worlds. It also meant DH could enjoy that cuddly time when giving a bottle.

I honestly do think some babies just need to be closer to mummy than others to feel secure. Not that that makes it any easier when you have a little velcro baby. But it is developmentally normal and it's proof that you have shown yourself to be a wonderfully safe place for your baby.

The key is creating time for you in the midst of that to help yourself sustain it because it is very demanding.

Ds wouldn't have always been like that but he definitely went through real phases of it and during those times we would have co slept and it's hard. If baby sleeps through when you co sleep then I would trust your instincts that it's more a need to be close (because babies don't only nurse for nutrition, its also about a way of feeling safe and secure and connected to you) to be able to sleep. Sometimes I would have slept half in the next to me trying to get close enough to ds that he'd go over properly and he needed to me cuddled in against my arm to do it so I could lie in the bed on my own just to get that space.

DD2 was awake every hour overnight until she was around 7 months old. We coslept so I survived, it got a lot easier when she could find the boob without much help in the night. We did have a brief stint where she was on formula and a bottle due to a breast abscess but it didn't make things better, actually made things worse as she was a lot harder to settle.

The good news is that one week we went on holiday, thought we would put her in own room so we could have a couple of hours together in the evening, and she slept through and has slept through pretty much every night since and she's 2.5 now!

So it was a temporary issue, but those first months were tough and cosleeping was a lifesaver.

OP your baby is still so tiny and biologically it is normal for her to still need and want to be with you. Some babies do go 'down' but lots of babies don't until they're abit older. We are technically carry mammals so it makes sense - even if it's ridiculously hard ! If you can bedshare safely please do that, or can you take shifts with your partner? This doesn't last forever, nothing does with babies as things just continue to change as they grow and develop.

Please reach out for some support as this is really hard and lots of mums feel this way - either your health visitor or la leche league are really good both in terms of feeding and sleep reassurance

laleche.org.uk/telephone-helpline/

Because that’s not the only reason a baby would wake up & they don’t just nurse for food.
when cosleeping the baby is less likely to wake up because they get cold because they’re warmer with you; they can smell you & know you’re there so are less likely to wake up looking for comfort etc
there isn’t a magic method for sleep, each baby is its own unique person.
There’s lots of reasons that adults struggle to fall asleep even though they’re tired!
babies could wake up because they’re teething, unwell, uncomfortable, too hot, too cold, scared, hungry, growing pains etc

I wake up if my pajamas get twisted!
its all trial and error at this age and then when they get older things will change as they go through different developmental stages.
my baby only ever went down to sleep at 11 too, so we just put her to bed when we went to bed, we didn’t try any earlier so it felt less or a drawn out ordeal

Hi OP, my second was exactly like this. To keep me sane we introduced a bottle of expressed milk (later changed that bottle to doula) once a day early evening. My husband gave this bottle so basically I did a last feed, went to bed and got a good chuck of sleep and then my DH gave a bottle and I woke again for the next feed. Fave me a good chunk of decent sleep and also a little relief for once. It's not a failure to introduce measures to maintain BF your baby. I also found because the baby would take. A bottle, I knew it was an option if I was ever unwell/touched out so it kind of took the pressure off feeling like it was all on me. We happily BF until 2 years this way. Your happiness and health is so important to also have a happy baby.

I also googled baby sleep routines and introduced one and I felt that helped. My baby wouldn't go down for naps as I found she woke when I unlatched. I found if I unlatched then immediately plugged her mouth with a dummy she could continue to stay asleep. My first never had a dummy but my second really needed that comfort and it really helped her sleep.

Please give it some thought and don't martyr motherhood and BF, you need to be happy too OP. Find what works for you and your family rather than sticking to the text book.

My second child was like this. It carried on for a while, but eventually he started to sleep, i was exhausted, especially after I returned to work. He’s 20 now and the first 2yrs were tough but he was the easiest child, never caused me a day’s trouble. I’d seriously think about dropping the breast feeding. As parents we beat ourselves up about everything, then regret all those wasted hours feeling bad. Millions of babies grow up on formula and it’s perfectly fine. Switching though didn’t make him sleep longer, but it meant other people (ie dad) could help

I've got a 3 month old. I've heard the 4 month regression is a bastard.

I combifeed and I have to say you EBF mums are hard-core. It seems much,much harder than supplementing with formula, and I mean that as a compliment.

Please talk to your health visitor about this and your mental health. You sound low - understandably so - but you're also beating yourself up - completely needlessly! Your baby is alive and well.

It's hard looking after them and I had a lot of the same anxieties as you over co-sleeping. I also worried about overheating so my baby is on the cool side at night- when I get it right and he's warm enough he sleeps well - maybe your baby is warmer with you? Apologies for making such a basic suggestion but it never occurred to me that was one thing we were getting wrong...

If you can bear it, try adding in a bit of formula. We use ready-made in bottles. You may find you have got into a negative spiral of being overtired and stressed which is affecting your supply- so your baby requests feeds more often, which tires you out, which affects your supply etc.

The best baby is a fed baby. If you only give one breastfeed a day you are doing enough for their immune system. If supplementing with formula helps the baby go longer between feeds everything else will be easier. You could even hand them over to someone else for the occasional night!

I hope it's OK to make suggestions - my best friend was EBF and it wasnt working and it all got too much and she cracked and moved onto formula. She said it was the best thing she did for herself and her baby, as she enjoyed being a mum again.

But you could add in a bit of formula and that might help you keep breastfeeding longer, in the end. I love breastfeeding but it can be a total mindfuck sometimes. It feels so profoundly personal and so connected with your identity as a woman and a mother.

Best of luck xxx

To me personally I wouldn't risk leaving her hungry even if you think she co-sleeps and isnt. What can get worse if you give her a bottle? Honestly you're being a martyr now. Try her with one bottle before bed. Formula isn't poison, it's a perfectly acceptable way to feed a baby. If you continue to BF you'll still be giving her all the goodness from that anyway, it's one bottle at night.

Have you had the tongue tie looked at again? My DC had it corrected at the hospital at birth but at 3 months a visit to the osteopath showed that it’s still too tight. Apparently the way they feed changes at around 3 months and it can be impacted by this. We have an appointment with a dental specialist to have it examined. I’ve found the osteopath helpful with a couple of issues so perhaps something you could try?

I agree that topping up with formula is a good idea if she’s not getting enough. If she’s constantly feeding she may be hungry.

You’re not failing, this stage is utterly exhausting! It’s hard to know what the best thing to do is but you seem to be trying everything you can!

to help with the breastfeeding. have you considered hiring a lactation consultant? it really was what helped me to at least get to a stage where we can combi feed.

sleep wise i do wish i was more help. mine was terrible in the cot. the moses basket we bought pretty much has become a glorified cat basket. at least the cat enjoys it i suppose. in the end to thing that saved us was the snoo and him now being a bit older. still very clingy but him now sitting independently gives me at least a bit of a break.

Can you speak to your health visitor .You sound like you are finding things difficult and need to talk through your options and get some support .If you are stressed with breast feeding it could be affecting your let down.As others have said babies are lovely but the first months can be so difficult .You could do with some support and reassurance .You have done so well so far .

Please don't beat yourself up about breastfeeding, honestly.
I had a terrible time with it, managed a few weeks and the first time tried formula it was the first time baby was truly content and not constantly crying.
Everyone's different, mums and babies.
I'll never forget the pressure some try to give, like the cow of a midwife who muttered "oh well if you don't want what's best for your baby" after I'd had my second. No, I know what's right which is why I'm doing it. 🙄
You sound amazing, keep on doing you

I think it's worth trying formula to see if it's a hunger thing, regardless of if she wakes with you. She could be exhausted and is more comfortable sleeping with you, but I wouldn't rule it out as a possibility.

This - the problem is that someone checking the latch and going "It's fine" but you're having very frequent feeds and poor weight gain which suggests something is very much not fine. That's an inadequate response from them - unfortunately not uncommon. But it needs a proper investigation, not a cursory look at the latch.

I wish it wasn't so hard to seek out actual good experienced BF help and support in the UK. Please know, OP, whatever you do, you are doing fantastically well for your baby and it's OK to go whichever way your gut takes you. Whether that's pushing for more support (the above quoted post is the most effective route to that but it's also TOTALLY valid if you are done and just can't keep pushing) or looking at mixed feeding or switching to formula. Ultimately the way you're going right now is just going to make you ill and you are worth more than that. Please take whichever route is going to give you the most peace. If your baby doesn't get on with standard formulas, there are lots of other options for him too - you won't give him tummy issues.

Why don't you try a bottle? She might get full on it and sleep properly. It's worth a try, and has happened for other babies. (NB I know it's not a on size fits all thing.)

Definitely not failing because you are doing all you can for your baby you love and whatever decisions you make about feeding will not impact the mother you are.

I'm here with an 8 mo who doesn't like sleep 😴 2nd time round so I thought I would know what I'm doing now 😅

You are definitely not failing her! Being a new mum is so hard - I never understood when people talked about sleepless nights as new parents until I had my own DC, then I realised what they meant!

I can't add anything to the great advice given by other posters, but just wanted to say I am sure you are doing your very best for your little one and it does get easier!

Also at 4 months the sleep got worse. Looking back she was teething early. Her first tooth came at 5 months and the month earlier she was already unsettled because of that.

i seem to remember there was some teething gel. You could try a spot on her lower middle gum and where the first tooth would come in to see if it helps. It might be tingly and sore.

We did supplement bottle feeding because my supply was not great. I needed a lot of floradix to build up my iron levels to make milk. I was a bit malnourished looking back but I didn’t realise it at the time. You need lots of b vitamins and Floradix will help you too. I used to swig it from the bottle at some stage and started feeling so much better even within a few weeks.

As she’s not gaining weight I do wonder if you’re producing enough milk?

have you tried pumping to see what’s coming out? I did this and it wasn’t enough. That’s how I knew she was hungry.

Eventually with enough stimulation from the breast pump and good vitamins my supply went up. I breastfed until 20 months. It was incredibly hard work though. Mentally and physically exhausting