My boyfriend wants a baby. Opinions please!

You're not being selfish - you were clear that you didn't want more children and he accepted that and wanted to be with you anyway. You haven't lied, he is free to choose that having children is more important to him that being with you.
I am a big believer that people should only have children if they really want them. Don't change your mind just for him, you need to want them for yourself too!
If you want to confirm your position, ie just checking in now that we're getting more serious that you're still okay being in a relationship with me knowing I don't want anymore children...
but I wouldn't go to him saying, oh maybe i'll want more children if you do etc. that's more likely to end up leading him on

OP I've read through this thread thinking, "what is wrong with you woman?"

Not to be mean, but to highlight how insane you sound. You want to complicate your and your children's lives to please a boyfriend with a baby you've decided he wants. WHAT.

He's a grown man. If you think he's so wet he can't make his own decisions, then why are with him? You've made your (perfectly reasonable and sensible) boundary clear, let him make his own mind up.

You need to talk to him. Do t make a unilateral decision about what's best for his life, he's a grown up. Also, being with you and being a stepdad might be better for him than being alone.

But from mosts people's comments I should just be happy and stop fussing

And put your children first

And give DP the courtesy of allowing him to make his own decisions

If you're looking for a natural conversation starter, think about the conversations about any new baby in the family and how pleased you are to not have to do all that again.

I wouldn't be taking any action on the basis of an overheard remark by someone else. Do you have any reason to think your boyfriend even wants children? If he does, the onus is on him to say so.

Honestly, you need to talk properly to your partner and not speculate on what he might be thinking or feeling, or worrying about other people's take on it. If you love each other, surely you can talk about what is in your hearts? In your case, it is a worry about hm not having his own children, so you could start with that.

Why are you thinking and planning for HIM

Hes an adult? No?

If he wants a child then he talks to you about it, you discuss etc etc

The most concerning thing to me about all this is:

A - you haven't mentioned how your kids might feel, they seem to come way down the line which is so sad
B - You seem to treat him like a shy child who can't live his own life and make his own choices

So weird 🙄

You don't even live together.

He hasn't even said he wants kids let alone with you yet.

Sounds like you want another one. Why? Is that to force him into a different relationship that the one you have now where he doesn't live with you all as a family? Is it because you want a family unit set up. Nothing suggests he does.

Would I be crazy to consider having a baby with him since that's what couples do?

This must be a joke, surely.

He sounds fairly passive, which can be great in some way (he fits in with you and your current life)

Not sure I'd want kids with a passive man though. Passive becomes boring, lazy, dis-interested, not taking responsibility, when you have kids!

It's coming across more that it's you who really wants this baby and you're looking for people here to validate that decision.

Do not have a baby for any other reason unless YOU want one. Anything else is unfair to everyone involved.

I think you should speak to him because is “bothering you” the idea so you could have some peace of mind. But please if he says it’s fine, no kids, stop feeling guilty because not everyone deserves a family as you said. Family can be 2 adults, 1 adult and a dog, so many options! There don’t have to be more kids to be happy or considered family.

I sometimes get thoughts like this about domestic chores. I need him to share them and when he does I feel guilty because- what?? I’m still working on this!

You are not selfish to be with someone who seems to very much want to be with you, who you care about, when you have been upfront from the beginning about what you want and don’t want. Have the talk by all means, but believe him if he says that what he has now is enough.

You don’t owe him a baby as a reward for being a decent man in a healthy relationship! Maybe you have been groomed to think that you aren’t enough just as you are, that your value comes from what you do or what service you provide?

Please ponder this. It’s important.

He's 30, even if he really wants kids, this is a part time relationship. In a couple of years he might decide to be with someone who doesn't already have kids instead.

I wouldn’t have kids for someone else. And if he really wanted kids I’m sure you’d know; men don’t just stick around and keep the peace when it comes to things like this.

I have to agree with majority of posts that it seems too soon.

There doesn’t appear to be a commitment past dating. You’re not living together for a reasonable length of time, engaged or married. You have two children (toddler and a 6 year old), from a previous relationship and an ex-husband.

You say your ex cheated on you, but what is the full story? The way your explanations and responses have come across, there is more being unsaid about your history and dynamic with men. To bring a baby into this in the way you are justifying the reasons, is strange and unsettling.

Anyway, best of luck with it, and your decisions.

Also you were very clear at the beginning that you don’t want more kids. Assuming your bf isn’t some kind of halfwit, he’s with you on the basis that you won’t be having babies with him, and it’s going well so he’s clearly happy with that arrangement.

You don’t have anything to feel guilty about. If having his own kids was important to him, he’d have found a gf who wanted to have kids.

I don't know why you got involved with him in the first place if you feel so strongly about him missing out on fatherhood. You knew he didn't have kids when you got with him. Why do single mothers always pick off the last remaining childless men when they're not even compatible with them?!

You’ve only been together 1.5 years.

You don’t live together.

He’s not directly said he wants kids.

You don’t want any more.

So why are you considering having a baby with him exactly?

Honestly, the overwhelming majority of blokes really aren’t that arsed about having kids either way. Most babies that happen are because the woman in the relationship wanted them, or they happened accidentally. I know many people in happy long term relationships or marriages (myself included), where the woman already had kids and the man doesn’t have any. You’re really overthinking this.

THIS.