To tie my child to the table

But most ND children do sit at a table to eat. If they can’t attain that much they won’t be likely to be masking that trait at school as there ND needs are so extreme they prevent them from being able to meet very basic expectations. I am sure the OP would know if her son had that level of neurodiversity.

For those suggesting it - he’s too old IMO to be restrained and I imagine would turn his attention to trying to break free rather than decide he’s going to sit and eat nicely.

I wouldn’t allow him to run around though, I always tell mine to sit down when they’re eating, whatever it is. I would take his toys and remind him he can have them when he’s finished. Can you eat somewhere where the toys aren’t in his view to help eliminate distractions?

I hope you don't try and give advice to any of the parents at your nursery because your advice is terrible.

Could you build in a positive after dinner? Mine watch an episode of Bluey after supper IF they've behaved reasonably at the table. They don't have to eat everything, but they do have to sit at the table with us and not do anything too heinous (like licking the plate instead of using cutlery!)

How did he get to the fastener at the back? I thought mine were escape artists. They could undo buggy straps and car seat buckles easily, but they clip at the front. Even I had difficulty with the metal clips on the reins harness! But yours does sound challenging!

That was to @gladflyingducks

They need the right help at home too. There are things you can try, it might not work because home is home and a safe place, but obviously you need to keep trying.

My mother regularly says this to me. Of course what’s really relevant is if the child also realises it and cares at that precise moment.

I feel for you OP. This has always been a tricky age for us with meal times. For all three (youngest just 3 so still an available “tool”) we have ended up sticking the high chair seat back on the Stokke chair so we could strap them in then taking it away again when they’d agreed to back it in. So yes, literally strapping them to chair! Appreciate this may not work with a stand alone high chair, if they are big enough to tip it over.

Otherwise I’m often assured that most people grow into civilised human beings, so hang on until then. I know I am.

I also know that kids act like this because there aren’t boundaries. If there’s no consequence for running off from the table he will do it. If there is one he will learn to stay at the table.

i say this as the parent of an autistic and ADHD step son who sits at the table perfectly at ours but bounds around at school because he knows there’s no consequence there. At 3 he tried running around because his mom let him, but we were firm about him staying at the table and although he now still moves around (rocking, kicking feet etc. As a sensory stimulation) he doesn’t run around the room.

try a wobble cushion if it’s a sensory output thing. But fundamentally yes you do have to be firm about this. It’s not because it’s a ‘safe space’ it’s because you don’t have boundaries and he knows it.

It was an utter nightmare!

You clearly have little experience. Lots of ND kids can do things at school they can't do at home. It's called masking.

Really? The metal and webbing ones that fasten at the back? Wow. That is impressive.

Seriously?

My DS could easily open a harness from aged one.

Don't use the food as a consequence if he's not bothered - use the toys!! No toys after dinner if you won't sit nicely

Of course I do. Or I would not have posted. But, the key is that he CAN do it. For example many ND kids CAN’T do it. They just can’t, they are always doing their best but just can’t.

I just kept physically putting him back into his chair. Nice and calm but every single time. He screamed the house down, it took 20 minutes , I'm surprised I didn't give up. That was it, never needed again.

Are you really a nursery teacher if you don't realise that some children use all their energy following the rules at nursery and have no capacity to carry on doing that in the evening?

And eating at the same time and same food is very common in the UK.

Those are quite good.

Posted too soon

If you think it’s a sensory thing, he’s wired and can’t sit down, perhaps some active play before dinner and look at a wobble cushion for him to sit on? I’m not saying he’s ND but my nephew is and it helps him a lot!

My eldest could get out of anywhere by 1. Wouldn't have thought of still trying to put him in a highchair after that.

Do rewards work atall? Start small - if he stays sitting down for 5 min = reward and then extend it.

Well you do, you stop him going off to play when it’s dinner time! I appreciate you don’t want to fight him but the rule is ‘no toys till dinner is all finished’ and you stop him running off. If he doesn’t eat then he doesn’t eat, is he normal weight for his height and age?

He sits fine at nursery

Nursery teacher for 25 years here. There you go. He can do it. So this is up to you to parent, it really is.

And the elastic band mentioned is both annoying and can be dangerous. But it can help in severe cases, if you sit right next to them.

Try drawing talk. I was sceptical but it has actually worked well in many cases. And a time timer, we have the clock on the wall but there are apps. Do you eat at the same time and eat the same food as him? This is important, but doesn’t seem to be common in the UK.