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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend throwing tantrum over the fact I can’t attend her get together

247 replies

GladAmberEagle · 22/10/2024 16:44

For context, I am a nurse and typically work back to back 13 hour shifts. I am a single mum.

My friend, is married with children and does not work, and never has - totally respect that, and the only reason I mention that is because I believe it’s a contributing reason to this situation.

All of the people in our friendship group work. My friend is regularly trying to plan get together at her house, every other week, without the consideration that the rest of us work complete long hours. My friend asked over a month ago if we could all have a get together at hers. I told her I would let her know as my shifts hadn’t been released then, as we have a new manager so they are being completed quite late in advance.

Yesterday in the group chat we all received a message saying ‘you all fucking better be coming’, and her basically having a meltdown as some people had already cancelled. She then sent me directly a message in that group chat saying ‘you better fucking come or I’m going to kick off’. I was doing a 13 hour shift as a nurse and obviously don’t have my phone on me. While I was working I received multiple messages saying ‘reply NOW’.

At the end of my shift I messaged to say how sorry I am, but I couldn’t go as I’m in work both Saturday and Sunday and only recently found out.

I was then bombarded by multiple abusive messages. None of which I have opened because I really cannot be bothered for the drama.

my friend seems to have no capacity that people have busy lives, and 9 times out of 10 I always make sure I go to her get togethers - even when I’ve done 4 13 hour shifts in a row and I just want a day to be a mum.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 22/10/2024 17:15

She sounds unhinged. Life is far too short to tolerate behaviour like this from people who are supposed to be friends: this is basically bullying.

If you really value her read her the riot act and say you are a single mother and not going to be spoken to like that and if she wants to remain your friend she has to adjust to the real world.

Honestly though I would just wash your hands of her.

Ivehearditbothways · 22/10/2024 17:14

Has anyone made any sort of reply in the group chat?

HelplessSoul · 22/10/2024 17:13

Only one solution to people like this - block.

Let her stew in her rage of cuntiness.

Ozanj · 22/10/2024 17:13

Just tell her in the public chat that you’re working Sat and Sun so can’t make it but to carry on without you & you’ll try to make the next one if you can. Then mute her personal chat and ignore.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 22/10/2024 17:11

OP, have you opened up the stream of raging texts yet? Curious to hear what they actually say and just how far along the cunt-o-meter she has ventured...

Demonhunter · 22/10/2024 17:10

stayathomer · 22/10/2024 17:09

Are you sure she wasn’t texting the way people joke? If didn’t open the ones after so how do you know it wasn’t you better fucking come but without the ha ha? (Playing devils advocate!)

I thought the same until the OP said she then said "reply NOW" then it was clear it wasn't a joke.

TwinklyAmberOrca · 22/10/2024 17:10

@GladAmberEagle no friend would speak like that.

I think I'd be asking the others if anyone else got abusive messages from her.

I'd be replying saying that her abusive messages are not acceptable and that perhaps if she had a job she might be able to empathise with those who can't access their phone and reply instantly.

FatOaf · 22/10/2024 17:10

With friends like that….

...Who needs enemas?

(In-joke for the nurses)

iamtheblcksheep · 22/10/2024 17:09

She’s bored as fuck with no real social outpost. When I say this is a pitfall of staying at home I get called every name under the sun followed by I don’t love my kids.

I wouldn’t even reply

stayathomer · 22/10/2024 17:09

Are you sure she wasn’t texting the way people joke? If didn’t open the ones after so how do you know it wasn’t you better fucking come but without the ha ha? (Playing devils advocate!)

Quitelikeit · 22/10/2024 17:09

If you value our friendship I want an apology otherwise don’t contact me again

Stormyweatheroutthere · 22/10/2024 17:08

Did she send the abuse privately? If so add the messages to the group chat. She needs calling out to the rest of the group. Then leave the group and block her.

MmePick · 22/10/2024 17:08

She sounds like a total bam! YANBU

5475878237NC · 22/10/2024 17:06

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 22/10/2024 16:50

No you're not.

You should reply to her I've been thinking about it and you are completely right. Ive been a terrible friend letting you down by going to work to pay the bills. I dont know what i was thinking. Its shit of me and i hope you can forgive me. Anyway, I went to my manager and I said fuck your shift! I'm going to Xs party instead.
Of course they fired me and now I can't feed my children or keep a roof over our heads but fear not, I'll be there, Queen! No wage is more important than you.

Then block the nasty cow and make new friends.

Ones that aren't tedious twats.

I would be tempted to do this too.

Demonhunter · 22/10/2024 17:06

She's not a friend. In fact who the fuck does she think she's talking to like that and in seriousness, if a "friend" spoke to me like that, I'd be saying that exact thing!

ladyofshertonabbas · 22/10/2024 17:05

Wow.... that is most definitely not a friend!

BabyCloud · 22/10/2024 17:02

What are the rest of the group saying about it?

ThePoshUns · 22/10/2024 17:02

How dare she speak to you like that? Who the hell does she think she is?

saraclara · 22/10/2024 17:01

"I am a single mother. A nurse who works 13 hour shifts to keep a roof over my family's head and feed them. I cannot be available wherever you want me to be

I'm a nurse. I am not allowed to have my phone on my person during a shift. I cannot answer your messages when you want me to, never mind "NOW".

Clearly I'm not the kind of friend you're looking for, so time to call it a day, I think."

Doseofreality · 22/10/2024 17:00

Text her back saying you were going to go but, having read her messages, you’re realised she is an unhinged psycho and now you fear for your life.

Runsyd · 22/10/2024 17:00

She's a bully, OP, not a friend.

Duckmamahere · 22/10/2024 16:59

Abusive and controlling behaviour doesn’t come from just partners. Friends can also be just as bad. I think a lot of people will let friends treat them like this and not realise, it’s a form of abuse.

Duckmamahere · 22/10/2024 16:58

GladAmberEagle · 22/10/2024 16:48

She’s been a friend since a young age and has always been prone to emotional outbursts. I think unfortunately we’ve all became numb to it from not wanting to disrupt the peace but she has definitely crossed a boundary with me now!

Show quote history

Then YABU? Why are you friends with someone who has regular outbursts, then complain about it on mumsnet but continue to say “well she is who she is, this isn’t the first time”

Get rid!!

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 22/10/2024 16:56

You say yourself that she's crossed a boundary - so do something about it right NOW.
You need to reply and point out in no uncertain terms that her behaviour is ridiculous and you won't tolerate it any longer. You'd already given her the heads up that you might not be able to make it due to work, so in what fucking world gives her the right to bombard you with abusive texts like that? Christ, she sounds like a right arrogant, entitled little cunt. If she didn't apologise immediately and recognise how unreasonable she is being, I'd bin her off.

Trickabrick · 22/10/2024 16:54

I would reply “I will not put up with anyone talking to me like that. Do not contact me again unless it’s to apologise”. That’d be her last chance, only on the basis of a long-standing friendship.