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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend throwing tantrum over the fact I can’t attend her get together

247 replies

GladAmberEagle · 22/10/2024 16:44

For context, I am a nurse and typically work back to back 13 hour shifts. I am a single mum.

My friend, is married with children and does not work, and never has - totally respect that, and the only reason I mention that is because I believe it’s a contributing reason to this situation.

All of the people in our friendship group work. My friend is regularly trying to plan get together at her house, every other week, without the consideration that the rest of us work complete long hours. My friend asked over a month ago if we could all have a get together at hers. I told her I would let her know as my shifts hadn’t been released then, as we have a new manager so they are being completed quite late in advance.

Yesterday in the group chat we all received a message saying ‘you all fucking better be coming’, and her basically having a meltdown as some people had already cancelled. She then sent me directly a message in that group chat saying ‘you better fucking come or I’m going to kick off’. I was doing a 13 hour shift as a nurse and obviously don’t have my phone on me. While I was working I received multiple messages saying ‘reply NOW’.

At the end of my shift I messaged to say how sorry I am, but I couldn’t go as I’m in work both Saturday and Sunday and only recently found out.

I was then bombarded by multiple abusive messages. None of which I have opened because I really cannot be bothered for the drama.

my friend seems to have no capacity that people have busy lives, and 9 times out of 10 I always make sure I go to her get togethers - even when I’ve done 4 13 hour shifts in a row and I just want a day to be a mum.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 22/10/2024 18:03

Tell her to grow up and get a job.

Penguinmouse · 22/10/2024 17:59

Time to set a boundary - doesn’t matter if you’ve been friends for years, this is ridiculous. “I am not going to be spoken to like this, I work as a nurse and am working a 13 hour shift that day. I am not going to be subject to a toddler tantrum.”

easylikeasundaymorn · 22/10/2024 17:59

CameronStrike · 22/10/2024 16:45

No friend of mine would ever talk to me the way she seems to think she can talk to you and others. Where are your boundaries?

This! I've never had a single person, friend, partner, family or work message me "reply now!" Let alone multiple times, let alone all the other stuff. She sounds like a nightmare, I'm surprised anyone WANTS to spend time with her at all, regardless of time or location

Jl2014 · 22/10/2024 17:59

id be cutting her off as a friend. She sounds like an absolute arsehole.

diddl · 22/10/2024 17:57

but I’ve asked because I didn’t expect this level of outburst from her.

So there was always going to be an outburst?

Debtfreegoals · 22/10/2024 17:57

I’m sorry but that isn’t a friend

Teddyjumper · 22/10/2024 17:57

Some friend! Just block her and move on.

WhimsicalGubbins76 · 22/10/2024 17:55

OP, she’s not a friend. It’s that simple
Also, how can you respect the fact that’s she’s never worked?? Not even pre kids?? I couldn’t have someone like that in my life.
You deserve better, she’s an arsehole

LBFseBrom · 22/10/2024 17:55

She is batshit. Who really wants to have get-togethers once a fortnight never mind castigating people who can't attend for whatever reason (& your reason is quite valid).

Just ignore, she'll get over. I doubt you are the only refuser.

LlynTegid · 22/10/2024 17:54

Former friend by now I hope.

WiddlinDiddlin · 22/10/2024 17:52

Putting aside that she is obviously a complete dick for a second..

You say she asked a month ago, you didn't know your shifts... did you ever actually let her know whether you'd be attending?

I can sort of see why she's wound herself up if you've told her you will... I can't if you haven't though I can see why she might not grasp that you have gone a whole month without knowing your shift pattern (because I can't quite see how anyone can work like that either!).

But whatever really, she is a total bell-end and anyone speaking to me like that would be firmly told to fuck the fuck off and never contact me again!

Potentialmadcatlady · 22/10/2024 17:50

If a patient spoke to you like that at work what would you do? You would put up boundaries!

eatreadsleeprepeat · 22/10/2024 17:48

GladAmberEagle · 22/10/2024 16:54

I know people are replying saying I must have low self worth etc, but I’ve asked because I didn’t expect this level of outburst from her. To the point where I really questioned am I being an asshole and inconsiderate friend? But thank you all for clarifying she is being unreasonable.

The level of outburst does not have a direct correlation with the rightness of the person having the outburst 😂. She isn’t remotely in the right expecting you all to jump to her plans and she certainly has no business having an emotional outburst (to put it mildly).
You are being totally reasonable, but you need to distance yourself.

2Little · 22/10/2024 17:47

You need to create boundaries.....

Rude friend I will not tolerate anyone disrespecting me like this. If you ever talk to me like this again I will end this friendship. I am too old and to busy for this rudeness and all the drama.

Then she absolutely will do it again and you'll have to cut her off. In the meantime id withdrawn from the friendship.

Wishimaywishimight · 22/10/2024 17:45

I just cannot imagine a stranger speaking to me like that let alone a 'friend'. Why on earth would you
tolerate this?

My response would be something along the lines of "I'm not quite sure who you think you are talking to. Do NOT swear at me or demand a response "NOW". I do not answer to you and, no, I will not be at your gathering."

I would then block her. You must surely know this is not how friends behave?

Cherrysoup · 22/10/2024 17:43

Bloody hell, she’s horrible or has fuck all else to do in life. Tell her to get a life (job!)

User364837 · 22/10/2024 17:43

In what world do people have friends that swear at them and talk to them like that?

teatoast8 · 22/10/2024 17:41

Tell her to do one

LadyGabriella · 22/10/2024 17:41

The entitlement of some people is crazy. She sounds self obsessed.

Lemonadeand · 22/10/2024 17:38

Grey rock her, go low contact until she apologises. You’re an adult with a stressful life and responsibilities. You quite literally don’t have time for that shit.

pinkyredrose · 22/10/2024 17:38

She isn't your friend.

blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 22/10/2024 17:38

Is she 14?

lovenotwar149 · 22/10/2024 17:37

Entertherubicon

Well put!

Entertherubicon · 22/10/2024 17:36

Send her a text telling her to get a life & then block the bitch and move on. You don't need an abusive, unsympathetic freeloading arsehole as a so called friend.

lovenotwar149 · 22/10/2024 17:36

Ditch her...simple as. Can do it kindly but DITCH her!