Mum not coming on Halloween - irked?

I actually hate Halloween. I just don't think it's a good idea to dress kids up as skeletons etc. and hate anything, no matter how small, that has anything to do with the occult. However, a family member has a birthday on Nov 1st, so I always told trick or treaters to knock again on the following day and they could have as many sweets as they could carry away. And I literally had a huge tub of sweets to give out.... We don't have trick or treaters in our neck of the woods now, but I still have a tub of sweets just in case....

I'm grandma-age. In our youth, Hallowe'en was nothing. We didn't celebrate. We might hollow out swedes (Try it. Pumpkins are a piece of piss) or 'bob for apples' (head in a bucket of water, that's fun?) but that was it. 'Trick or Treat' was heard of but equated with begging, so respectable people didn't do it. If the OP's mum had any kind of religious background, even vague memories of one, Hallowe'en will be a non-starter, equated with the occult. Or, culturally, she might resent the Americanisation of British social life. Or she might not enjoy dressing up, going round to strangers and asking for goodies.

You obviously think this is fun, and a good night, but clearly she doesn’t really enjoy it.
You say last week she suggested making cupcakes beforehand, probably because baking is more enjoyable for her than trawling around the streets.
Im assuming your mum could get her hair done literally any other night. She’s clearly booked this apt on purpose to use as an excuse to get out of Halloween “fun” with you and the kids. She’s probably felt really awkward about it and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings by saying “I actually can’t stand the Halloween night” so to save hurting you she’s booked this hair apt.

I also think your comment about “why can’t adults enjoy halloween, Easter and even Christmas?” to be odd. I think a lot of adults DO enjoy Easter and Christmas. And Halloween too. But your mum clearly doesn’t rate Halloween. My mum wouldn’t either. She loves Christmas and Easter but would probably rather stick pins in her eyes than go trick or treating!

This isn't America. YABU

This is an excellent response 😁

Why couldn’t your husband not work? He gets a free pass but your mum doesn’t? Give over.

😂😂😂 you've just called your mum selfish but your the one kicking off because she won't come to yours for halloween??? The fuckkkkkkk

I can understand OPs disappointment, she thought they were going to spend it all together like other years. Have a little walk, then watch a movie with food / treats. While lots of people don’t understand and say it’s just Halloween, it’s important to OP.

On the other hand the grandparent might not want to do loads of trick or treating or enjoy Halloween.

I don’t think either is wrong, just a miscommunication. Next time talk to your mum OP and understand their preferences for holidays and events.

Because she may have not enjoyed it! Nobody should feel forced into doing something as bloody awful as traipsing round in the dark after 2 twelve year olds. Why is this female expected to put up and shut up whilst the children’s own dad isn’t expected to be there.

Is this it? You wanted her to go with the older boys?

This. Plus your mum's hairdresser appointment is important

YABU and a 12 yo is too old for trick or treat

Had you actually asked her to come with you?

If she'd already accepted an invitation and then gone back on it, then yes, she is being unreasonable.

But if you hadn't said anything but were just expecting her to block out the 31st as family time without any discussion, then YABVU.

I think most people just associate Halloween as being something for the kids to have fun, I don't know anyone who sees it as a Family Event that the whole extended family need to get together for.

The only time my mum saw us on Halloween was when my DD wasn't well. So she stayed in with her so I could take DS to a party. I don't ever remember her taking us out as children.

Of course it is, talk about ignorance of history and culture.

Would you say the same to a Muslim celebrating Eid or a Christian celebrating Epiphany or a Buddhist celebrating Dhama?

YOU might not celebrate but it does not remove its long cultural heritage of the fact it is a festival celebrated in multiple countries.

It's not even a rare one, its main stream and its literally the UK's own original heritage before invasion and centuries of forced Christianity (which just relabeled most of our festivals in their own bastardized name) so damn right we can take it back.

You say she comes to yours every year but you haven't answered what several people have asked you - did you invite her this year?

If she said yes then changed her mind that's one thing, but if you didn't invite her and just assumed she was coming, that's quite another.

Though I've never heard of anyone thinking of Halloween as "family time" and expecting grandparents to be involved.

A mid week Halloween isn't really the time for a big family get together surely? My son is a bit younger admittedly but for us its going to be trying to squeeze some trick or treating in before swimming lessons.

Unless you’re from a culture that celebrates Halloween heavily then I think it’s bizarre comparing it to Christmas.

Last year we had fun.
Well I guess your mum didn’t have as much fun as you thought

What's wrong with kids being kids and not having to grow up too quickly. Even an 8 year old can't still be a kid?

My daughter is 12 and loves Halloween.

It’s for your family! She has brought her kids up and done all this first time round. I did it through gritted teeth for my DDs and would not be wanting to do it again if they have kids. They live in another city for a start!

So why is it not an issue for a father to not make an effort to spend Halloween with his kids but god forbid a grandmother has her own plans once?

It seems to be a family event for this family. Context is everything.

OP, I'd wonder why she booked her hair over what would normally be an annual event for your family, seems a bit passive aggressive.

Unbelievably unreasonable. Of course your mum doesn't want to dress up and go around asking strangers for sweets

I think it's U if you to expect her to come although I do think your mum is missing out.

Halloween is not a family event. It is a nothing.
I would not want to ruin a fresh blow dry traipsing around on wet and windy cold night knocking on doors and then go home to hang out with kids hyped up on sugar all evening. Sounds nightmarish tbh.