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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mum not coming on Halloween - irked?

454 replies

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 16:28

My mum has just let me know she’s having her hair done on Thursday evening next week so she won’t be coming over to ours to go trick or treating and watch a spooky movie with the kids (8, 10, 12). I’m slightly irritated by this as I thought it would have been nice to have a family night dressed up and go round taking the kids trick or treating.
I’ve allowed older DS to bring a friend over to come with us so it won’t be so empty but I just found it a bit selfish for a Nan to not want to spend Halloween with the grandkids! AIBU?

OP posts:
TeenLifeMum · 22/10/2024 17:19

I’m close to my mum but never invited her to go trick or treating. Lots of adults with the kids is a bit weird. But if it’s your family tradition then I understand you being a bit disappointed but it’s hardly relationship changing.

lemonmeringueno3 · 22/10/2024 17:18

Gosh just seen that you are considered 'wildly unreasonable' by some.

For making Halloween into an occasion and wanting to include your mum, then posting anonymously about feeling sad that she can't come.

I don't know what comes after 'wildly unreasonable' or what behaviour might be labelled such. Maybe forgetting your carrier bags at the supermarket or sending your children to school without their PE kit.

dreamer24 · 22/10/2024 17:18

Jesus, on another thread most said 3 is 'far too young' to trick or treat

Oh well, I'll be taking my 3.5 year old 🤷‍♀️🤣

movingonok · 22/10/2024 17:18

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 16:31

@Widowtoo It’s family time? Last year we had fun.

Oh I'd love to do this. I can't wait to be able to have family fun with grandkids 🎃🎃🎃

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 22/10/2024 17:18

Maybe she doesn't enjoy trick and treating or scary movies. Doesn't mean she doesn't love you all. People have different tastes.

needsomewarmsunshine · 22/10/2024 17:17

As pagans we are celebrating our celtic new year on halloween, hope fellow pagans and wiccans have a great time and happy new year!🙂

housethatbuiltme · 22/10/2024 17:17

BabyCloud · 22/10/2024 16:37

Aren’t they a bit old to be trick or treating?
Yabu about your mum.

Jesus, on another thread most said 3 is 'far too young' to trick or treat and now 8 is 'a bit to old'.

What fucking age can people enjoy Halloween and simple things like dressing up and decorating the house according to mumsnet. Is it allowed for exactly 1 day when you are 5 or 6 and no more?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 22/10/2024 17:16

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 16:49

DS wanted to go with his friend alone but I can’t allow that now because my mum won’t be able to supervise them. I’m not allowing him to go with just the friend alone at night without either me or mum so he’ll come with us.

Show quote history

Totally reasonable sounds like you didn’t even want to spend time with her then? You just wanted her to go off with eldest GC and his friend whilst you went round with the younger ones; no wonder she’s swerved the invite! It’s not unreasonable she doesn’t want to play babysitter to your 12yo and his friend! Maybe invite her over to watch a film and make cupcakes at the weekend instead.

DragonGypsyDoris · 22/10/2024 17:16

Oh yes, because harassing innocent householders is such valuable family time.

Boomer55 · 22/10/2024 17:15

RaraRachael · 22/10/2024 16:56

As a grandparents, I can think of nothing worse. I'd much rather get my hair done.

And me lol 🙄

Socktopusses · 22/10/2024 17:15

Where are you? Are you in the UK?

If you're in the UK, YABU. I only know one person who actually genuinely cares about halloween.

Demonhunter · 22/10/2024 17:15

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 16:28

My mum has just let me know she’s having her hair done on Thursday evening next week so she won’t be coming over to ours to go trick or treating and watch a spooky movie with the kids (8, 10, 12). I’m slightly irritated by this as I thought it would have been nice to have a family night dressed up and go round taking the kids trick or treating.
I’ve allowed older DS to bring a friend over to come with us so it won’t be so empty but I just found it a bit selfish for a Nan to not want to spend Halloween with the grandkids! AIBU?

This can't be a serious post, surely 😂

lemonmeringueno3 · 22/10/2024 17:14

You've come to the wrong place op. Most on mn won't open the door to a neighbour or for the postman. In fact, they can't just ignore a knock, they also feel enraged by it. So Halloween must be their least favourite night of the year, and they won't understand anyone who enjoys it.

Your other mistake is expecting anything from your mum because she 'doesn't owe you anything.' Happy families doing things together because they like each other are anathema to mn.

ilovesooty · 22/10/2024 17:14

Lifelover16 · 22/10/2024 17:05

YABU
As a gran myself I understand kids enjoy trick or treating but I can’t think of anything worse for myself than trudging around in the cold and dark. I think Nan is sensible to go and get her hair done instead!

I agree. In fact I think I'd rather go to the dentist than be involved in Halloween.

Fizzadora · 22/10/2024 17:13

Never used to go round begging with my son so certainly not doing it with grandchildren.

AgileGreenSeal · 22/10/2024 17:13

I absolutely wouldn’t be spending next Thursday night trick or treating with anyone, not even my dear grandchildren.

T4phage · 22/10/2024 17:13

OP, I'm sorry to break it to you, but a great many things become very, very boring when you get older. We grit our teeth and get on with it when the kids are young, but we're not obliged to do it once we're older. Halloween is over hyped, boring and pointless (unless you're one of these bouncy people with an endless tolerance for childish rubbish).

Christmas and Easter are different as they're proper holidays. Halloween is fluff, mostly American fluff at that.

IAKnowyou · 22/10/2024 17:12

I'm actually getting pretty angry reading these replies. I'm so sorry OP. Seems like there's a bunch of nans on here that begrudge their children and grandchildren 😵‍💫

dreamer24 · 22/10/2024 17:11

@ddd4

Excuse me, but you're interrupting the dual Mumsnet passions of expressing frothing anti-Americanism and utter contempt for anyone who can find a bit of fun and joy in something.

Erm, speak for yourself. I love Halloween, and find it hugely enjoyable. I still think OP is being wildly unreasonable expecting her mother to care about it in the same way though! I take my little ones to Halloween parties and trick or treating, but I don't enforce that on my extended family nor feel "irked" if they didn't wish to join us.

maudelovesharold · 22/10/2024 17:11

BettyBardMacDonald · 22/10/2024 17:00

This isn't true on my street. It's sort of become a community event; we stand around with drinks chatting with neighbours, even giving cups of beer and wine to parents passing with their little ones; the teens prank about. People play "Thriller" and the like from their bluetooth speakers. It's a fun hour or two at a dreary time of year.

Show quote history

Are you in the USA? If the answer’s no…are you sure?

GoldenPheasant · 22/10/2024 17:11

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 17:01

The kids enjoy spending time with her. Last year we made cupcakes with her before treat or treating (which she suggested). It’s not as though she’s a cold Nan. I just thought it’s nice to spend time together with family and friends but clearly I’m in the minority.

But you've said you don't want her to spend time with family and friends, you want her to provide childminding services for your son and his mate. Why would that be enjoyable for her?

IAKnowyou · 22/10/2024 17:11

@Dotto certainly is in my house. We see her regularly but especially on occasions.

IAKnowyou · 22/10/2024 17:09

CleverAzureDreamer · 22/10/2024 16:34

She has come every year before. I don’t understand why adults can’t enjoy festivals like Halloween, Easter and even Christmas to a certain extent?

I read your original post and before I read any further I just KNEW you'd get replies like this.
You've hit the "occasions aren't that serious"
"Who really cares about family time" squad.
I totally agree with you OP. Especially if she's done it years prior. It's nice for the children and nice for you to have a bit of family time. Whatever the occasion. I wouldn't burn bridges over it.. but I would be a bit deflated.

CherryHinton · 22/10/2024 17:09

Last year we had fun.

Did she have as much fun as you did, I wonder?

Wakeywake · 22/10/2024 17:09

BCSurvivor · 22/10/2024 16:47

I'm quite surprised a 12 year old would want to be roaming the streets trick or treating with his mum and his gran!
And I certainly don't know many grans that would choose to go trick or treating with a 12 year old, his friend and his mum.

This! I think mine would have died of embarrassment if I went with them at that age, let alone with granny in tow.

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