To hate being single

@CleanShirt

So you're either not a mum so can't agree with the post you agreed with or

You are a mum so don't live completely alone or

Your kids have moved out hence you weren't exactly a single mum

How old are your kids?

Having step kids is hard
Being a step mum is hard
Having a step dad is hard
Having step siblings is hard

I only have experience with the last 2 but it's shit

Lone parent here, I did find the early years really hard. They were lonely. Weekends with toddlers, hours talking to no one in the park etc

How old are the DC? I did find it easier as they got older and started to do play dates, weekend activities etc so I could find time to do other things.

Eventually I loved being on my own.

Your feelings are your feelings. I didn’t enjoy being single. Not that my whole life was miserable or anything like that, but I’m just very suited to monogamy and living with and sharing life with my husband. We make each other happy. Some people are just suited to different lifestyles. I just want to sit on the sofa with someone and watch Netflix of an evening or go for a pub lunch on a Saturday. I don’t want the hassle of turning up at events on my own and making the effort to socialise.

I don’t know what to say OP. I could say: “yes being single is awful,” but I don’t agree.

I can relate to the fact that at certain times of life being single is more difficult because of the social expectations. But I think over the course of a lifetime single women are almost always happier than coupled ones.

Of course you feel as you feel. But the reason some of us feel quite militant about this is that woman who desperately want to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship make bad choices. That’s why it matters.

By all means be honest about the fact that you’re finding being single difficult. You’re not unusual. But I do strongly believe that becoming comfortable with who you are and learning to enjoy your own company and your own life as it is is the only real, sustainable solution to your problems.

Thia!

Exh up and left unexpectedly in January so I've had to get used to being completely alone, and fast. I'm currently sitting on a Greek beach so it's not so bad, but living completely alone took a hell of a lot of getting used to.

Being single and being a single mum are poles apart!

A relationship would be quite complicated with your DCs surely?

Do you want a step parent?

Do your DCs?

Do you want a new family or just someone to spend time with away from your DCs?

It is all so different from a childfree single!

@SpookyStar I split from dh for 6months last year, although we are back together now, but we went for 50/50 custody so I suddenly did have the freedom to do what I wanted on my child-free days, yoga classes, theatre trips, lunch with friends etc. I did however, really miss the lack of physical touch - just having a proper hug was something I missed deeply and found very hard to live without, so I do get that it isn't all roses

I have children 😊 I think that’s why I hate being single more if I’m honest! Can see how being single would be fun and enjoyable with no dependants.

You must have even less time!
Enjoy the time with your kids and not having to compromise with a partner, children are hard, but get busy with your own life.

You are not pathetic at all.

I HATE being single. I am perfectly able to do everything by myself, I just don't want to. I can't think of anything worst than going on holiday alone. I CAN, it's easy but.. why should I?

I don't recognise being in a relationship as stopping you from doing whatever you want whenever you want. What kind of miserable relationships do all these people have if they are unable to even eat what they like at the time they like? It's just weird.
CHILDREN put a stop to your freedom and "selfishness", not an adult partner.

My only advice is to get busy. Pack your schedule with work, and after work activities and be busy every weekend. You won't have time to feel lonely, and you never know, you are more likely to meet someone through shared hobby.

You are young, enjoy a bit of fun with unsuitable men too. It's ok to date someone a couple of times cause they are hot, even if there's no possible future with them. Stay honest with yourself, and with them!

I think with this being a forum designed predominantly for mums, most woman who post about loving being single are generally post divorce, where they've done the relationship, had a family, then realised their husband has just turned into an extra child they need to take care of and have been gradually worn down with it so that when they leave - it is freedom and peace and being able to do what you want without having to compromise with everyone else. When you have a husband and 2.4kids then you always put yourself, wants and needs, last below everybody else.

However, that doesn't mean being single is amazing. Just to them, at that point in your life, it is better than the alternative. Your life is clearly in a very different place though, so you cannot compare your life experience of being single with a post-divorcee with children. Your feelings are absolutely valid just please don't compare them to others

I am single and enjoy it BUT I completely understand that some people aren’t like that. All I would say is get out there as much as you can, dating and meeting people and going out. Ask your friends to set you up with people. Good luck

Do you have friends/hobbies? I actually hate being in a relationship but then I am exceptionally busy with work and our farm. My downtime is my haven. Maybe you need to fill your life with a bit more.

Maybe you would feel less lonely if you got involved with a hobby? (Plus you could meet potential partners)

I never enjoyed it much either. I think for me I was single for ages (from university to being 39 actually!) that there was no appeal to any of the things others say they like, it was just my life if that makes sense and I felt like it was passing me by.

I think if you’re only single for a few months between a relationship or if you’ve had a bad relationship it’s probably easier to embrace the positives.