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Original poster

To feel so indifferent about my life (in many ways)

37 replies

Soootired23 · 22/10/2024 08:12

I'll start this by knowing that to many I will sound very entitled. The truth is that I really dislike big chunks of my life and there's not a lot I can do but to wait it out (for another 5 years). I don't like where I live, but because of DCi can't move.

Because I can't move I can only get fully remote jobs and I really hate it. I've been doing it for 13 years this 1st of November.

I'm the main breadwinner so we definitely need my salary (local office based ones are around 50/40% of my current salary).

Because I'm the WFH I do all the school runs and once our youngest comes home, my work gets a bit more disrupted so I end up working in the evenings.

I feel like my house is almost like a prison so I'm not necessarily the most house proud. I also don't necessarily have enough hours in the day and we don't necessarily have all the furniture we need.
That's in itself a longish story but it goes back to having to travel for 2+ hours to the closest IKEA/John Lewis .

My DH is also a bit of a procrastinator but he does do some cleaning around th house (he's definitely better at deep cleaning than me!)

Half of our weekends are for trying to entertain 4 DC and the other half are either for trying to recharge or do as much as we can around the house.

I know I shouldn't hate my life but at the same time I'm so fed up with it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Soootired23 · 22/10/2024 10:23

CreationNat1on · 22/10/2024 10:18

It seems to be a time of life issue, I have 3 more years until my two are at uni level. I m counting down the days to freedom.

I also walk the dog during my working day, more solitude!!

I m single, so I date, that's the exciting part of my life, and my way to meet new people, experience new places.

Holidays are my escapism too.

Yes very similar! I like going out, but I only have two actual friends and both are sometimes too broke to go out.

I'm also lazy (I'll admit to that) in the sense that I don't enjoy the continuous meeting/messaging to nurture a friendship.

OP posts:
CreationNat1on · 22/10/2024 10:18

It seems to be a time of life issue, I have 3 more years until my two are at uni level. I m counting down the days to freedom.

I also walk the dog during my working day, more solitude!!

I m single, so I date, that's the exciting part of my life, and my way to meet new people, experience new places.

Holidays are my escapism too.

Original poster
Soootired23 · 22/10/2024 10:08

CreationNat1on · 22/10/2024 09:52

Fully WFH, I understand the being trapped in the same 4 walls feeling. Almost impossible to clean, as the house is always, always in use.

My suggestion is decluttering. There is a Christmas cleanalong thread, I m following it for inspiration.

Maybe get deep cleaners in some Saturday, it will force you to clean and declutter. Donate old furniture to St V de Paul, they will come and collect, and buy some new. Or even get new throws to brighten up a room.

Can you take a lunch hour and force yourself out of the house? A walk or a swim might be pleasant.

Cinema at weekends. Go for dinner with your 17 year old, or DH, the older children are old enough to babysit.

Book club?

We do have a lot of stuff and not enough storage.

We've had plans of turning the garage into a storage room with an indoor door, but we never do it because we always think of other things to do (mostly holidays).

I try to walk the dogs during my working day, I don't always can, but I do try.

We also go out (as date type thing) at least once every 4/6 weeks.

OP posts:
CreationNat1on · 22/10/2024 09:52

Fully WFH, I understand the being trapped in the same 4 walls feeling. Almost impossible to clean, as the house is always, always in use.

My suggestion is decluttering. There is a Christmas cleanalong thread, I m following it for inspiration.

Maybe get deep cleaners in some Saturday, it will force you to clean and declutter. Donate old furniture to St V de Paul, they will come and collect, and buy some new. Or even get new throws to brighten up a room.

Can you take a lunch hour and force yourself out of the house? A walk or a swim might be pleasant.

Cinema at weekends. Go for dinner with your 17 year old, or DH, the older children are old enough to babysit.

Book club?

Original poster
Soootired23 · 22/10/2024 09:47

MaroonyBalloony · 22/10/2024 09:37

This does sound like you have too much work and not enough play.

Am I right in guessing, based on you saying you need to 'entertain' fairly old children, that you live somewhere isolated with not much going on?

You definitely need some fun! Cleaning is less important, and may follow if you find a way out of your funk and back to enjoying life.

Can you think back to a time you've really enjoyed life, and identify the factors?

I didn't live here! I moved 10 years ago.

We do live in a very isolated place when not a lot happens and the cinema is the size of a big TV. The eldest can't wait to move away (I wish I could move with him!)

The DC go to 3 different schools, the shortest drive between is 15mins, but the girls' school is a 35mins drive away.

OP posts:
ViciousCurrentBun · 22/10/2024 09:42

Just do not clean the older children’s rooms, they can do their own laundry as well.

We were a family of six children, not helping was non negotiable, my parents worked FT both were managers of organisations in charge of a lot of staff, with them both doing shift work as well. My Mother had us assisting from very young and it was a military style running of that house. It does mean we all grew up very capable, I was cooking family dinner when it was my turn at 13.

What's the distance to the school are they close to each other?

I would feel the same as you with the house being a bit of a prison, unless people are introverts or anti social then WFH really isn’t for everyone. I never had a fully WFH job and would have hated it.

MaroonyBalloony · 22/10/2024 09:37

This does sound like you have too much work and not enough play.

Am I right in guessing, based on you saying you need to 'entertain' fairly old children, that you live somewhere isolated with not much going on?

You definitely need some fun! Cleaning is less important, and may follow if you find a way out of your funk and back to enjoying life.

Can you think back to a time you've really enjoyed life, and identify the factors?

Original poster
Soootired23 · 22/10/2024 09:16

Tiedyesquad · 22/10/2024 08:39

In the olden days, pre covid, people didn't pick up their kids from school and then get on with their work. They either paid someone to pick them up and make their tea, or stopped work and shared shifts with a partner.

It is unfair that you are doing the main breadwinning and the childcare.

Can DH not do, for example, all childcare from 5.30pm onwards, and also all mornings getting ready for school? So you could work e.g 7-8.30am then just emerge and do school run. Then in the evening you get a break or every other evening you each get a break.

Or can money be found for e.g. 10 hours a week of someone to do pickups? Imagine how much you'd get done with 10 more working hours.

Weekends you clean house together.

That all sounds very ideal but the truth is that:

*DH job is a long commute with an 830 start, and he gets home around 6.
*Daily wraparound is around £20 per day (for both mornings and afternoons). Once you add it up it's substantial.
That being said, the school runs are something I kind of used to (as I've said it's been 13 years now!)

The cleaning the house over the weekend, we do try, but because I don't like being in my house anymore, we tend to st least go out one of the days. Then the other day we do something, but it's genuinely never enough.

The DC are 17, 14, 12, and 5. The mid ones won't clean at all and I'm to tired to argue with them about their rooms. The eldest one sometimes helps. We've thought he could do the afternoon school run too (the days he can) but so far he doesn't seem too keen.

OP posts:
Tiedyesquad · 22/10/2024 08:39

In the olden days, pre covid, people didn't pick up their kids from school and then get on with their work. They either paid someone to pick them up and make their tea, or stopped work and shared shifts with a partner.

It is unfair that you are doing the main breadwinning and the childcare.

Can DH not do, for example, all childcare from 5.30pm onwards, and also all mornings getting ready for school? So you could work e.g 7-8.30am then just emerge and do school run. Then in the evening you get a break or every other evening you each get a break.

Or can money be found for e.g. 10 hours a week of someone to do pickups? Imagine how much you'd get done with 10 more working hours.

Weekends you clean house together.

tuberole · 22/10/2024 08:34

How old are the kids?

Original poster
Soootired23 · 22/10/2024 08:24

Pillarsofsalt · 22/10/2024 08:16

Five years ago was the start of Covid. It will fly by in a flash. You can clean the house then. On the other side of this you can feel kind of proud that you got through it. Try to enjoy as much time as you can.

Yes, when I got together with my no DH the countdown began and back then it was 12 years! But I still can't fathom living like this a lot longer.

OP posts:
Pillarsofsalt · 22/10/2024 08:16

Five years ago was the start of Covid. It will fly by in a flash. You can clean the house then. On the other side of this you can feel kind of proud that you got through it. Try to enjoy as much time as you can.