Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

@NotOneOfTheInCrowd I completely agree with you. I don't know why let alone how anyone can tie this criminal behaviour back to the husband. Clearly, the person who is a wrong'un and has gotten away with it is the wife. She's destroyed both her daughter's lives by encouraging them to break the law or commit gross misconduct because she cannot get over an affair that happened 12 years ago.

Yes, their lives are ruined. Because whereas the husband moved on from a relationship that had clearly ended, the mother stewed on it for over a decade and then encouraged her daughters to break the law with one losing her career and the other ending up in jail.

Yours is yet another post that refuses to accept that women should be held responsible for their own choices.

I actually think the fact that adultery is not a criminal act and is not even a civil wrong that can be sued for is the big issue here. I really don’t understand why people can cause such immense pain to their nearest and dearest (sometimes lasting years and years) and not face any punishment?

my parents’ house was burgled while they were asleep. Obviously this scared them and made them afraid in their house for a while but they got a good security system and were over it after around 3 months. The criminals were unfortunately never caught but faced a maximum of 14 years in prison if sentenced. Meanwhile, my friend’s mother had an affair which tore the whole family apart, and has had immense mental health impacts on the dad and on my friend, even now, 15 years on. She receives literally no punishment. How on earth is that right?!

They are all police officers as well, my encounters with the force have told me that cheating is practically normal in the police, not right, but certainly not unusual or especially scandalous.

There are clearly a lot of bitter ex’s on this thread.

But the thing is, this man isn’t an ex is he? She took him back, and stayed with him. We know nothing about their marriage, what they went through to put it back on track, whether they may have gone through counselling etc.

all we know is that she whipped her children into a frenzy and encouraged them to wage war on not only the woman who had the affair with the still husband, but also against her husband and daughter.

So, would it have been ok if the daughter of the OW had targeted the father in this case’s wife and daughters? Because she was presumably just as much of a victim, or wasn’t she?

This isn’t just a case of posting some nude pictures of someone. It goes much, much deeper than that.

And tbh the wife sounds deranged to the point that I don’t blame the bloke for cheating, in fact he was a mug to go back to her.

Yes. Summed up perfectly!

@lalalapland Adultery is not and should not be illegal. It’s shitty behaviour but the justice system does not get involved with every instance of shit behaviour.

I am continually baffled by people who seem to think that being cheated on is a free pass to break the law or damage their children. Emotionally incontinent and vindictive parents (like Eleanor’s mum) are toxic & arguably a worse person than the dad who shagged someone else 10 years ago.

Well her father had an affair, why not exact the same revenge on him?
The OW wasn’t an innocent but absolutely no way should nude pics be shown to anyone without her consent and this act of revenge is utterly disgusting.

Where exactly did i say revenge porn shouldn't be illegal? Do you make a habit of twisting other people's words so you can argue against them? Thats narc behavior.

Or should I say... 'Ohhhh so you'd actually like it if your partner cheated on you multiple times from the beginning to end of your relationship, gaslighted you and emotionally abused you to the point you were medicated and need long term therapy?'

By 'adultery nuts' do you mean people with morals who don't make decisions to go around hurting their supposed loved ones?

@SanctuaryCity If the adultery nuts on Mumsnet were in charge of the law, women couldn't actually commit any offence because all their criminal wrongdoing would lead back to a man as the root cause. And the man would be the one punished!

So you’d be relaxed if an ex posted your nude pictures online claiming you were a prostitute, tried to harass your partner and damage his business and harrassed your child. Really? You’d genuinely be ok with that?

Thankfully the adultery nuts of Mumsnet are not in charge of the law. Otherwise cheating on your partner would see people in prison and revenge porn/ harassment would be fine (as long as it’s a woman doing it).

I have never said it's acceptable behaviour. IMO cheating is as bad also reprehensible behaviour but goes unpunished

He already ruined my life when he cheated on me multiple times.

No i wouldn't be ok with it, but if i had to choose between that or going through what he already put me through with my new partner, then yes, that would be my preference.

I also did not say I would ignore it. I would expect the police to do something about it. I probably wouldn't expect a 3 year prison sentence for those actions though.

The difference is... the police can potentially do something in because it's illegal. Cheating isn't illegal unfortunately, even though it intentionally causes as much distress and trauma as many other crimes

Not really. Just direct your anger at the person who actually cheated on you and don’t do anything illegal 🙄

Oh fgs. A parent having an affair in and of itself is NOT trauma and to suggest it is and has lifelong effects is genuinely insulting to those who have experienced genuine trauma. Again, I speak as the child of a parent who had one.

And, even it it were, nobody's trauma gives them an excuse to publicly humiliate and expose someone else, nor to threaten their relatives. The woman received a sentence commensurate with her criminal actions. End of.

No i wouldnt bother. Peoples trouble is they cant move on, they cant control their anger and its never worth it. Move on and enjoy your life. How can you have mental peace when your trying to get revenge.

Justice sec currently making a statement on the prisons crisis. It is no wonder there is a crisis when those tweeting offensive comments or posting nudes without consent get locked up.

Let's hope tags and fines are indeed more widely used and prison used for serious crimes and violent offenders.

So you would be OK with him doing the things I described previously? You would like it or ignore it if your lovely partner started to get phone calls asking what sexual services you provided? You would just ignore maybe hundreds of phone calls? Because that is what happened in this case.

Was it a CCTV without his partner's knowledge

I think this affair was a secret for many years and recently came to light via these photos . I do t think the mother would have waited 12 years to kick off .

I mean it's quite complex in terms of a revenge porn case and in terms of the whole picture rather just than the legality. She shared indecent photos without permission. That's pretty much that. However, I'm absolutely no legal expert but I wouldn't imagine there would often be family involved in this way, or the matter of the defendant being exposed to those same indecent photos as a child/ young teenager in whatever sequence of events that occurred.

What gets me is the lack of consistency. Steven Bear for instance. From what I recall of the case the videos were taken in secret and shared. To me the element of deception and filming someone having sex without their knowledge makes that worthy of a harsher sentence than it received

If he shared nude photos and personal phone numbers, you may no longer be able to happily get on with your lovely life though. Things that life have ruined victims lives countless times.

It’s not a race to th4 bottom. If you feel the sentencing guidelines need harmomsing that’s different, but it’s not he did worse and got x so she should get y, each case is unique and the judge has a corridor to play in.

How is it minimising sharing nudes on social media? I repeat it was wrong but a custodial sentence is crazy when judges let paedos off with fines and rehab.

Where is the consistency? I wonder if some judges need to go on refresher courses.

I didn't say 'you' would. My current partner and relationship are both wonderful and I therefore value that above most other things in my life.

My ex can do what the hell he likes with my nudes and I'll happily get on with my lovely life.