Is this revenge on the OW fair or not?

Endemic.

I read some of these comments wondering where people with these ridiculous views hide? Of course she deserves the sentence! I hope she gets some help with the serious issues she has while she’s in prison too. Completely batshit behaviour!

Loon if you ask me.

Depends on your subjective assessment of morality I suppose. You are on firmer ground by saying “most legally culpable”. What is moral and was is legal do not always align.

Shhh @M@MorrisZapp you’re not playing by the rules. I mean did you not know that everyone who has an affair is a bad person and every child where parents have cheated is traumatised for life.

I actually know more people who have a positive relationship with the affair partner than don’t, because on the whole people who have affairs that follow through for the long hall the relationship was just wrong.

You’re right. Some of the most devastating experiences I’ve had are of being dumped. Christ I was dumped when I was pregnant and stayed single for 10 years as a result. That bastard should have gotten 20 years to life

What about just straight out dumping people? I sobbed until my face almost wore off more than once in my life because I got the heave ho. I did a bit of dumping myself too, felt like a right bastard.

Maybe once you're in a relationship, it should be illegal to leave. That'll keep everyone safe and happy!

Pretty sure the most morally culpable is the person who conducted an illegal harassment campaign and revenge porn against a woman who has been minding her own business for 12 years.

Adultery should be illegal. That's a cracker. What other unpleasant behaviours can we criminalise? Talking about people behind their backs? Regularly Staying out all weekend because you're on the piss and leaving your spouse to look after the kids and wonder if you're still alive? Secretly running up 20k in credit card debt? Repeatedly refusing to sleep with your spouse? Refusing to do any housework and expecting your partner to do it?

All can be relationship ending. All can be very damaging. But we don't live in UAE. Being a dick isn't a criminal offence.

My mother had an affair with my dad's best friend. They were then together for thirty years and my amazing stepdad is my child's beloved grandad.

My dad met his new wife shortly after. They've travelled the world, enjoyed their retirement and now he cares for her with love and patience through her dementia.

All four are friends together and we all celebrate family events together. Affairs aren't just one thing and neither are the people who have them.

I really wish people didn’t have affairs, especially when children are involved. Obviously the father is the one most morally culpable here, but it doesn’t sit well personally when people let
affair partners off scott free.

Obviously the actions here are criminal, and thus I suppose you play criminal games you win criminal prizes. However the victim’s statement concerning female solidarity baffles me with its hypocrisy. She was perfectly happy to shaft over one adult woman and two children to get her jollies. Where was the concept of the “sisterhood” then?

The two people I have most sympathy for are the victim’s husband, and daughter. What a terrible and publicly humiliating manner for their wife/mother’s wonky moral compass to come to light.

Something similar happened to me

I met dp after he'd left his wife-i was not the other woman

Anyway,his ex wife is a psychopath-I do not say that lightly about anyone but she really is

A long story short,his eldest dd came to live with us and refused to get a job (at the time,she was 17/18)

She seemed to think I should double my hours at work,give her every penny of my salary,her dad was to run her around whenever she wanted (she would accept an uber but mainly it was to be her dad) and that her dad would pay for her,once she'd spent my money-but once she'd married a rich man,she didn't want to know us

I laughed her out of the house and she went scorched earth on me

As it was,I'd taken some personal photos (for dps eyes only) and he'd put them on his laptop

She went snooping and found them-she then took photos of the photos and sent them to everyone-her mother,my whole family(my mother,father,brothers,girlfriends,aunts,uncles,cousins,nieces,nephews and my own children) at the bare minimum have seen them

I'm nc with the lot of them but they couldnt hide their glee and told me they'd seen them-and they said they'd shown everyone they know (I'm the scapegoat in that family-hence I'm nc)

I have no idea who else has seen them-they could be on the Internet for all I know

I simply don't know how far they have gone-I have to live my life not knowing who's seen them or where they are

But,I wrote about it on here a while back and had my arse handed to me as i called her a 'spoilt little bitch'

I stand by what I called her-ill add evil to it too-the damage she has done (while thinking she's funny and clever) is impossible to measure

This family are the same-they have to pay for what they have done-the father was in the wrong for having the affair,but the mother was wrong to hold that grudge and the dds should not have done anything with the photos

It can destroy lives-i know its affected me very badly-it genuinely feels like I've been assaulted

Nope. Never advocated that. Women on the receiving end of a cheating husband should get a good solicitor and negotiate a fair settlement. They should ensure their children are protected both financially and emotionally as much as possible. Or they can decide to take him back. Either way, they are entitled to tell whomever they please, rant and rave, take him to the cleaners - whatever they need to do.

As long as it's fucking legal. And not emotionally abusive to their children. Anyone here arguing that cheating is emotional abuse - the abuse inflicted on the children of this marriage by the mother inciting them to commit criminal acts of this nature FAR outweighs a cheating dad.

A cheating parent is a difficult life circumstance to navigate but it's not trauma. What could cause trauma is how the parents the manage the situation to protect the children emotionally (or not).

A woman who gets knowingly involved with a married man has made a questionable life choice but it doesn't negate every other aspect of her personality and life and make her an automatoc figure of derision and castigation, who deserves illegal public humiliation of the worst kind.

Neither the father nor the OW are responsible for the criminal behaviour of the daughter (and borderline criminal behaviour of the mother and sister). As adults, they are absolutely responsible for that themselves.

Even if you argue that what happened in the daughter's life consititutes a trauma, it doesn't absolve her of responsibility for her own behaviour, both morally and legally. If a parent who has experienced a traumatic childhood then goes on to inflict criminal abuse on their children, do we say that it's ok, they're not capable of managing their behaviour, it's someone else's fault? No. If someone violently attacks someone else because they had a traumatic childhood, do we say that it's ok because they aren't able to manage their actions? No. If someone shares nude photos without consent, threatens people and conducts a sustained campaign of harassment, should we say that it's ok, no real consequence required, they just aren't able to manage their behaviour? No, we absolutely bloody don't.

This woman is solely responsible for her actions. The OW did not deserve what she did and neither did her family. The woman commited criminal acts and was sentenced accordingly, taking into account the lack of mitigating factors.

No, it's not the same argument at all. Rape is a crime done to the person so there is a much, much stronger public interest argument for it to be a crime. Crimes for hurting people's feelings on the other hand and where false accusations could be very easy to fabricate ought to be treated with extreme caution (unless you think rape accusations are easy to fabricate too? I'm not convinced).

By the way, Coldplay and Top Gear are so bad that they give me a headache. But that's not a reason to have a law against them. People do stuff we don't like and can do us harm all the time - fracking, Brexit, TV shows that offend us - but you need to be resilient enough to get over it. You cannot police everything and the state certainly shouldn't be policing personal relationships (or art, if Coldplay can ever be considered art rather than an irritating noise).

I going to guess their was a bit more to the story and the OW was a trusted family friend who had really mislead them.

Not an excuse but otherwise it's just bonkers that all three of them behaved this way.

And what about when it’s not clear cut? Woman in abusive relationship meets someone who eventually helps her escape.

Someone in miserable relationship or abusive relationship meets someone.

Just as many other crimes aren’t clear-cut, neither is cheating, no matter how much people want to believe it is.

I mean look at this thread, there are plenty of people here who are justifying what these women have done, even though what they’ve done is criminal, and yet having committed adultery over ten years ago is worse than uploading revenge porn, threatening a husband and daughter and posting naked pictures of a woman on escort sites? Really?

And who decides at what point it constitutes adultery and worthy of punishment?

Some people would argue that it’s the point when someone has a friendship with someone of the opposite sex.

When someone confides in someone else it’s titled an emotional affair on here.

So when exactly should you be able to sue someone?

And what of abusive relationships where one or other partner is being accused. My ex used to constantly accuse me of having an affair. Claimed I’d been seen with a man and he knew everything. And yes, I was out with a male friend, and he knew that, but he had to take it further and tell me that I’d been seen, and been seen in an intimate position with said man. When actually he’d put a tracker on my phone and so knew where I was.

But unless you have physical proof that a couple have had sex you can’t prove it.

Oh and just to make things more complicated, if you separate and have a relationship with someone within six months of doing so, if you’re still married it’s classed as adultery. So should the separated partner be able to sue?

Because you would have to make it illegal. When was adultery illegal in the UK?

@ShinyShona that’s the argument used against bringing rape cases - “so many false accusations! Could ruin an innocent person’s life!” There could easily be penalties for falsely bringing a claim so I don’t think that argument holds.

I have no idea what your reference to top gear or Coldplay means? Adultery literally ruins lives, or at the least, years of lives. No other behaviour with those repercussions goes unpunished so why this one?

@Feelinadequate23 Anyone who has had to sit through an episode of Top Gear or listened to a Coldplay record could beg to differ. Lots of harms don't have laws against them for the very good reason that it's for people to sort out themselves without recourse to an independent arbiter. Can you imagine what it would be like for a judge to try and manage an adultery case? Can you imagine what it would be like to be falsely accused of adultery (something abusive partners are rather fond of) and end up in a court room?

Well we don’t live in Saudi and the death penalty isn’t lawful here. I would suggest at the very least the wronged party should be able to sue. Only in cases of marriage. Literally any other action that harms someone comes with a legal consequence. I really don’t understand how you can tear someone’s life apart (including your children’s) and suffer no penalty whatsoever.

and no, I haven’t been cheated on, before anyone accuses me of being a “bitter ex-wife”!

From a criminal law perspective and probably from a moral perspective too, yes he is and for good reason too because if he wasn't, where do you stop? Let's consider some of the crimes the wife could commit; at what point do you think she's the one responsible?

1. Slapping the OW?
2. Criminal damage against the OW property?
3. Stalking the OW?
4. Leaving threatening messages on the OW's phone?
5. Hacking into the OW's personal devices?
6. Breaking into the OW house and snooping or stealing?
7. Putting naked pictures of the OW online?
8. Committing grievous bodily harm on the OW including a permanently disfiguring injury?
9. Committing arson on the OW's property?
10. Murdering the OW?

At what point do you accept that a woman is capable of regulating her emotions enough to commit a criminal offence in her own right? Because at the moment you and many other people her are trying to suggest an innocent man should get the blame for a woman who broke the law because he was unfaithful over a decade ago. You seem to be implying women cannot be criminally culpable in the same way as men, at least up to a point.

So, what is that point and why?

Absolutely not. The man in the relationship blameless is he?

I believe the penalty for adultery in Saudi is beheading isn’t it?

Thing is, most people will cheat at some point in their lives. Around 65% of people, both men and women admit to having cheated, so the figure is going to be much higher than that as plenty of people absolutely won’t admit it.

I definitely wouldn’t and other women wouldn’t either.

I can try to find a decent partner, it is much harder and impossible to remove nude photos off the internet. Women who have fought to try to remove nudes that were put on the internet without their consent have spent years trying to and living with the worry that they will be used against them.

Oh please! I really hope no one is suggesting that adultery should be made a crime? Are we going down the road of the Taliban? What punishment do we think is appropriate? And can you not see that it would be women who would bear the brunt of the punishment? I mean we are all temptresses or witches aren't we?