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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have had enough of partner replying 'Obviously' instead of 'yes'?

89 replies

JennaRink · 21/10/2024 22:47

My partner is foreign from another country in Europe but his grasp of the English language is very good.

So I've noticed he has this annoying quirk where you'll ask him something and instead of replying 'yes' he'll reply 'obviously' or 'yes, obviously.' I've told him it comes off as rude and sarcastic, and all he needs to say is yes.

I've seen him do the same with 'of course' instead of yes, except he tends to catch himself if it's in a shop or something/in public as though he does realize it's off.

It always reminds me of this clip from Downton Abbey where the waiter says 'obviously' and gets told off for being rude!

OP posts:
Chucklit · 21/10/2024 23:49

Or to take a colloquial term from where I am, just reply "K sound mate" and nothing else Grin

Original poster
JennaRink · 21/10/2024 23:48

Bogginsthe3rd · 21/10/2024 23:43

Stowell is obviously not a waiter. He is a butler.

Show quote history

Obviously.

OP posts:
Original poster
JennaRink · 21/10/2024 23:47

splatmouse · 21/10/2024 23:46

¡Claro!

I speak Spanish so I do understand what people are saying about the Italian 'Cierto' as well

However I would never say the exact translation in English as it's rude. But maybe others would if they didn't realise.

OP posts:
Chucklit · 21/10/2024 23:47

"Oh. How so? That sounded quite rude".

TheSnugHare · 21/10/2024 23:46

Slap him next time he does it

splatmouse · 21/10/2024 23:46

¡Claro!

Bogginsthe3rd · 21/10/2024 23:43

JennaRink · 21/10/2024 22:47

My partner is foreign from another country in Europe but his grasp of the English language is very good.

So I've noticed he has this annoying quirk where you'll ask him something and instead of replying 'yes' he'll reply 'obviously' or 'yes, obviously.' I've told him it comes off as rude and sarcastic, and all he needs to say is yes.

I've seen him do the same with 'of course' instead of yes, except he tends to catch himself if it's in a shop or something/in public as though he does realize it's off.

It always reminds me of this clip from Downton Abbey where the waiter says 'obviously' and gets told off for being rude!

Stowell is obviously not a waiter. He is a butler.

NotInvolved · 21/10/2024 23:38

It might just be that he is concentrating more when talking to people he doesn't know or in more formal situations. I've noticed my MIL who isn't a native English speaker makes more mistakes when she's at home and I don't think it's because she is deliberately trying to annoy her family, she's just more relaxed at home and so not working quite as hard at her English. It must be quite exhausting to be speaking a second language all the time and it doesn't really surprise me if people "switch off" a bit when they're with loved ones.

MumDoingMyBest · 21/10/2024 23:38

I think explaining why it can sometimes come across as rude would be a good idea. Otherwise he might think it's a preference you have.

My perspective would be that answering "of course" or "obviously" can indicates keen or enthusiastic agreement. Which makes sense in some situations eg "Would you like custard?" "Can you help me clean up after the party?" "Do you think it's worth applying for the job?"

However, answering "of course" or "obviously" can imply that the question is unnecessary and did not need to be asked and the person who asked it is lacking in intelligence. eg "Did you notice that actor was also in the film we watched yesterday?"

Could you ask your boyfriend if he can see the difference between the two situations? I'm assuming that it is only the second type that you would like different answers for.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2024 23:36

I hope all the people calling him rude and saying he should change are flawless in several languages. If not, I suggest they try. It's much harder than you think.

SaltySeaMaiden · 21/10/2024 23:34

If he's agreed to stop saying it but (giving him the benefit of the doubt) finds himself unable to break the habit, you'll have to do something visual and dramatic to change his brain, like throwing something at him. Many men find it hard to really hear us, so resorting to mild violence is the only way Smile
Married 30 years to a (finally) fully trained man.

RenoDakota · 21/10/2024 23:33

Tumbler2121 · 21/10/2024 23:11

Could just be a conversational tic … my SIL says “you know” just about every other sentence. A guy I worked with kept saying “Basically”. When I mentioned it to him he changed it to “fundamentally”!

Have you said anything to your SIL about it? And if so, has she made any attempt to change it? I ask because someone close to me does that and it is becoming almost unbearable. I have mentioned it (kindly) many times but despite saying they will work on it they never, ever do.

MoonlightMemories · 21/10/2024 23:33

JennaRink · 21/10/2024 23:19

Oh God. I didn't even think of this!

This is probably the root cause of my annoyance 😅

Show quote history

This was my first thought with reading your post. I'd be so tempted to keep a clip of Snape saying it on standby ready for whenever he says it. I guess you could ask him who he thinks he is (Snape), but I have a feeling that might go over his head 🤣

Supersimkin7 · 21/10/2024 23:31

Rude. Set him straight.

Two languages doesn’t make a difference - he’s showing himself up.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2024 23:28

Do you actually think he's being rude? Deliberately. Or do you just think he sounds rude?

Those are two very different things. And only the first one deserves any annoyance on your part. Unless you are just getting tired of him and it's leaking out this way (the ick).

I used to say certo, siccuro, da vero and similar in Italian. Portuguese, Spanish, French have similar words that people use rather than 'yes'. It's not rude at all. I assume that's what he's 'translating' in his head.

Original poster
JennaRink · 21/10/2024 23:26

@AutumnCrow one person's fascinating is another's maddening...

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 21/10/2024 23:25

Some European langues don't have words for yes and no, and speakers learn and get used to 'echo responses' in their first (native) languages. It's fascinating.

Minnie2012 · 21/10/2024 23:23

ToyFace · 21/10/2024 23:15

I can think of at least one language where saying obviously for yes would not be considered rude but on the contrary can sound quite affectionate.

^ this. In my DH's first language, 'no' is used as a sort of filler/sentence starter...used to drive me nuts when he would start a sentence with 'no' then continue by agreeing with me!

Original poster
JennaRink · 21/10/2024 23:21

The issue is though I've said twice I find it rude. Instead of taking it on board he keeps doing it. Maybe I need to say 'do you understand why this is rude?'

As I mentioned, he caught himself doing it in a. shop recently. He said 'of course' and then went 'oh ha ha, I mean yes, why would it be of course' (because it was a question - like all the bloody questions I ask him!)

OP posts:
Suzuki70 · 21/10/2024 23:21

JennaRink · 21/10/2024 23:06

@Suzuki70 I've been replying 'its not obvious.' He then says nothing back.

But it really makes me bristle.

I find it interesting that you find it subjective rather than rude. To me, it assumes I should already know the answer and am an idiot for asking.

I said "rude" is subjective. I've been told I was "rude" before by people who just didn't want to hear my point! So you telling him that may just make him think you don't like it and that's your opinion.

Original poster
JennaRink · 21/10/2024 23:19

Deadbeatex · 21/10/2024 23:17

Anyone else just hear Professor Snape?

Oh God. I didn't even think of this!

This is probably the root cause of my annoyance 😅

OP posts:
ToyFace · 21/10/2024 23:17

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2024 23:15

Yes, more like an emphatic agreement than sarcastic.

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Yes or based on the context it could mean yes, no problem.

Deadbeatex · 21/10/2024 23:17

Anyone else just hear Professor Snape?

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2024 23:16

Certo in Italian. For example.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/10/2024 23:15

ToyFace · 21/10/2024 23:15

I can think of at least one language where saying obviously for yes would not be considered rude but on the contrary can sound quite affectionate.

Yes, more like an emphatic agreement than sarcastic.