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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if you believe “the heart wants what it wants?”

34 replies

BeRealRedSquid · 21/10/2024 21:27

We often hear the phrase ‘the heart wants what it wants’ when it comes to relationships or difficult choices. Do you believe this is a legitimate way to explain our emotional decisions? Or is it just an excuse to justify actions that might not make sense logically or morally?

AIBU to think that sometimes following your heart isn’t the right thing to do, even though it feels like it in the moment? I’d love to hear what you think about this idea and whether you believe the heart should always have the final say.

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Bullaun · 21/10/2024 22:46

XenoBitch · 21/10/2024 22:44

It makes no sense to me. Your heart is just a muscle that pumps blood around your body.
You act based on what is going on in your brain, or your groin.
Maybe the people who trot out this line as some justification for shit/painful choices should be honest with themselves and just say "the genitals want what they want".

Yes, but ‘The groin wants what the groin wants’ sounds a lot less lofty. Though more accurate.

XenoBitch · 21/10/2024 22:44

It makes no sense to me. Your heart is just a muscle that pumps blood around your body.
You act based on what is going on in your brain, or your groin.
Maybe the people who trot out this line as some justification for shit/painful choices should be honest with themselves and just say "the genitals want what they want".

Fossie · 21/10/2024 22:42

Woody Allen said it to ‘justify’ a relationship with his step daughter. Worse than an affair I think.

MidnightMeltdown · 21/10/2024 22:39

Interesting that everyone immediately associates this with affairs!

I thought it was just another way of saying 'follow your heart'

StMarieforme · 21/10/2024 22:36

WateryBottle · 21/10/2024 21:28

It’s absolute bullshit peddled by people to justify hurting others

Totally agree.

Tiedyesquad · 21/10/2024 22:35

In short, my heart is a dysregulated toddler lurching from crush to crush. It needs some milk and a nice quiet time watching Bluey or it just cries uncontrollably.

Tiedyesquad · 21/10/2024 22:33

Quite often my heart wants something but it's a signal that really, it needs something else, usually some nourishment I am not giving myself.

The stronger the craving for something outside, the more the inner lack, to be honest.

DancingPhantomsOnTheTerrace · 21/10/2024 22:18

Well I suppose it's true. But just because we want something doesn't mean we can just use that as an excuse to have it.

catin8oots · 21/10/2024 22:14

Just take a look at the 'blended families thread'

ODFOx · 21/10/2024 22:14

It's the same as 'all's fair in love and war'. Sometimes you have to do what your heart wants.
As long as nobody gets hurt and no children are involved then fair enough. Otherwise everyone needs to moderate their own wants and needs for those who rely on them; But that doesn't mean that you don't get what your heart wants, just that you have to consider the financial and emotional well-being of some other people along the way.

catin8oots · 21/10/2024 22:13

Agree with all PPs.

Load of nonsense to justify poor behaviours and decision making

BearyJBilge · 21/10/2024 22:10

It’s meaningless phrase, trotted out by people with no self-control. It’s up there with “be kind” and “live, laugh, love” and all manner of other Instagram friendly bullshit.

JustAMiddleAgedDirtBagBaby · 21/10/2024 22:09

As I once said to someone desperately trying to justify a really poor emotional choice:

Don't follow your heart; it's a pump not a satnav.

Thischangeseverything · 21/10/2024 22:08

I do believe that the heart wants what it wants, but you are responsible for not acting on it if it wants something immoral / harmful.

As a teenager my heart wanted my gay English teacher. Too bad for my heart!!!

Edingril · 21/10/2024 22:07

Explains a lot in why children suffer their parents decisions

NowYouSee · 21/10/2024 22:06

The only person who I’ve heard use this phrase IRL is someone who could definitely do with listening to their head more often.

Circumferences · 21/10/2024 22:03

The human emotional choice can be cruel and sadistic.
Inflicting immense pain on someone else or animals or whatever is never "right" but many of us seem driven into it.

Autumnweddingguest · 21/10/2024 22:03

It's an excuse for poor behaviour from people who don't have the emotional maturity to accept they are making wilful conscious choices that impact on others. 'The heart' is not a separate entity - it is part of a person who also has a mind and a moral code and a set of responsibilities they have chosen to take on in life.And most of the time when it's used, the word 'heart' can be replaced by 'willy'.

I never hear that phrase said of two single people who fall in love, without complications. Only as a pathetic excuse for people cheating on partners or walking out of young families to start a new one. I always assume people who say or think it don't like to acknowledge responsibility for their actions.

MotiRoller · 21/10/2024 21:56

The better saying I heard a while back was “it’s ok to be sad about making the right choice”

TooBigForMyBoots · 21/10/2024 21:53

Wanting something doesn't mean you should have it if its damaging and unhealthy.

MidnightBlossom · 21/10/2024 21:49

Your heart isn't always the most reliable indicator of what's good for you long term.

Carnationstreet7 · 21/10/2024 21:49

ThoraZ · 21/10/2024 21:32

I think you’re reading an awful lot into a fairly meaningless tautology.
And I’ve never heard anyone say this phrase personally, except once from Penny on the Big Bang Theory.

😂

cocobeaner · 21/10/2024 21:47

Isn't it just a way of explaining/justifying decisions or impulses that are made based on emotions rather than logic or rationality?

I don't think I've ever heard anyone say it in real life anyway, except maybe jokingly about wanting another biscuit or something. I wouldn't read to much into it.

Ginkypig · 21/10/2024 21:43

Well yes the heart does want what it wants but that doesn’t mean we should have it!

my heart wanted my abusive ex but I still left him anyway and my life is so much better for it even though at the time it hurt me to leave because I loved him.

my heart (or actually my groin) has in the past wanted someone who was in a relationship but I didn’t show even a glimmer of that and as far as the rest of the world knows iv never ever felt that way because it would have been terribly wrong to even contemplate going there!

My heart wants a cake every day but I don’t have one because it’s not good for me.

my heart wants to spend money on nice things but I spend what I know I can afford instead.

Emotionalsupporthamster · 21/10/2024 21:38

WateryBottle · 21/10/2024 21:28

It’s absolute bullshit peddled by people to justify hurting others

Yeah this. Sounds like an attempt to justify cheating.