To think this is rather rude?

If my in-laws sent me that message, i would know that they were trying to be helpful by arriving a bit earlier to help set up.

It is quite rude for her to say she's coming earlier without explaining why.

Yes, you're right. The crucial info about the not being home until 4.55pm wasn't in the OP. Presumably the SIL wasn't told this either.

Quite.

In the real world, people would just respond automatically to clarify it was 5 without thinking about it.

I think context is important here.

Is she someone who regularly overstep?

Could it he a typo? And she hit the 4 instead of the 5.

I'd also go with a, "Well you can arrive at 4.30 but we won't be there until 5 😉" response.

Tbh, I wouldn't have given myself such a short time frame though. I'd always give myself an hour at home (rather than 5 mins) just in case someone turned up a few minutes earlier!

It could be a typo.

Just say you won't be there yet. End of story. Why is this worthy of MN?

Maybe she's thinking she can help you out by arriving early if she knows you work full time? Does she even know you won't actually be at home at that time- just talk to her.

Just message back saying "glad you can come, we will be home from 5 so anytime after that is fine. "

It may be a mis type or maybe she's wanting to come straight from work/event

Could've been a typing mistake & wrote 4.30 instead of 5.30, possibly ?

Yes its rude, surely just ask 'Oh is it ok if I arrive a bit earlier because...' or 'I can get there at 4.30pm if you'd like a hand'..

Just stating 'Ill be there half an hour before the invite states' IS rude.

So what if it means the OP now knows and could get ready earlier, why should she have to re-jig her schedule to accomodate a rude person?

Reply reiterating the start time is 5, and guests are to arrive from 5 onward. If she then wants to sit on your driveway for half an hour, she can suit herself!

This. MN is so weird. Unless there's a huge backstory I can't see why a family member can't just bowl up whenever. They can pitch in. Or just sit somewhere out of the way. You don't need to stand on ceremony with family.

Then she can tell her SIL that. Honestly, I feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

SIL proposes arrving half an hour early, OP won't be there so she tells her that. See, it's really simple and a non issue. Do people in the UK really find it so hard to communicate???

But the point is OP KNOWS her SIL is going to be early. It won't be a case of being caught out in the bath and if she won't be home then she can tell her beforehand. It's really very simple.

I'm so thankful I don't know MNers in real life - the people I know are far more pragmatic, and I don't know a single person who would think this is such a big deal they would need to share it with random strangers.

This is a sister in law not a child of op with their own keys. She has been told a time for a reason ( no one will be there ) and decided to ignore it.

Clearly I’m in another world because my children are welcome in my house whether I am home or not and can let themselves in with either their own set of keys or from the key safe.

The issue is that op won't be in the house before just 5pm.

Write back and say ' thx but we've got this - after 5pm will be perfect!

If she does turn up, let her in and carry on getting ready. She sounds as if she wants to help, not make a start on the booze.

If someone said after 5pm to me, would arrive about 5.30 ish. Or stretch to 6 if might be a long night. If its cocktails on the dot at 6 to leave at 8..

That would normal my family .
I would say 5.
Some wud appear from 4.30 on .

If I had a party with two dozen adults and one of my children (and I’d count any children my DH had that weren’t mine in this) wanted to come earlier, then they would be welcome. Of all the things to get knickers in a twist about, this isn’t it.

Rude. She needs it spelling out: No- please come after 5pm, not at 4.30.

If she comes earlier, I wouldn’t let her in. My house layout means I could pretend not to see or hear her.

I think it's socially inept rather than rude.

In the circumstances just message back and say "really looking forward to seeing you. Sorry but we can't get back before 5 so if you arrive early you might want to go to a cafe for half an hour rather than wait outside."

What @Park24 said.

If you aren't there until later then it's only her own time she's wasting, letting her suffer the consequences of her own poor choices and rudeness is the only way to stop it.

Yes, quite often when hosting people for the evening I’m out immediately before they come doing the horses for the night so I don’t have to go back out. Or other necessities! I don’t spend the hours before the start time twiddling my thumbs. I have shit to do from morning until night like a lot of people.

I don’t find any of it difficult- but as I said before, I was raised to know the etiquette for social events, and being early is just something I don’t do.

Surely in that case then OP could simply tell her SIL that she won't be in, although if you are hosting people do you really dash home at the last minute? Honestly, how people find these simple things so difficult is beyond me.