Husband shouted at child for hiding something.

I know what I read which was;

Doesn’t help when your husband tells family/friends when our son does this and laughs to them about it. I ask him not to but just says, son don’t care if he tells them.

which sounds like he’s telling them as an amusing anecdote. And in front of the child too. If he had been expressing a serious worry, it would be odd for friends and family to be laughing.

This is different though, that sounds like a game that all the family are in on. This kid is stealing things from school and other people.

A screw loose? For losing his temper with a thieving child? I'd say thats a normal reaction for someone who's had enough after years of stealing.

You don't know if the child has been told it's a bit of a joke or whether the dad has just been venting to friends about it and it has led to laughter because it sounds more like the latter to me.

No of course it’s not! My post was reflecting the DH’s attitude!

Yikes OP.

In my house if someone hides something they get tickled until they crack and confess!

Unless we are in a super big hurry in which case we say “look, in a big rush kid, no time for games - bring the thing out of its hiding place, we won’t look where you hid it, and we can play this game later.”

And that’s that.

Your dh sounds like he’s got a screw loose tbh.

But it looks like the first time he has challenged the boy and his behaviour was extreme. All previous incidents have been treated as a joke!

What a strange turn of phrase for an 8 year old... !

Your son needs a damn good telling off. It may be an unpopular opinion but the softly approach has not worked.

None of it is a "bit of a laugh"

Having an addictive substance stolen from you will enrage you. It's normal behaviour.

I am an ex smoker/vaper so understand the feeling when your nicotine is lost/taken from you.

Have you ever tried to hide an alcoholics drink? We're they nice about it?

it is clear that the DHs tantrum was over the top, but possibly understandable if it is just one in a long line of such incidents. He needs to learn a bit more self-control.

He also needs not to leave a vape lying around where a child can get at it.

DS needs to learn that he cannot take people's things. In our house the consequence would be taking one of his things. And to keep doing that while reinforcing the message that we don't touch people's things without asking. Ever.

OP needs to learn that her words are meaningless and her dear darling son is learning nothing at all from her. He may possibly be learning "if i touch dad's stuff he shouts and stresses me" and maybe that might lead to him leaving dad's stuff alone. I would hope that dad and son can work out better ways of communicating with each other.

OP is now giving husband the silent treatment? that is also abusive.

all 3 need to sit down together, when all are calm, and talk about this. About actions and consequences. and the parents need to learn how to react to incidents, and let one parent handle the situation and only intervene when it is required.

Vaping is far more dangerous than the other thing tbh. Keys, phone, wallet etc won’t harm a child but a vape could - the fumes aren’t healthy and the liquid can be toxic.

Given OP seems convinced her child can’t help himself, maybe her DH thought the poor child would be unable to stop himself digesting the liquid.

Vape missing - it's a non event. But phone, keys, wallet? can be a serious issue.

And yet it’s the vape that the DH has taken seriously. All the other things were a bit of a laugh!

Oh yeah, he’d be able to do that in a small hotel room with at least 2, possibly 4 adults present!!

So your son is a thief that has been stealing for years, you refuse to discipline him for it and you’re wondering if your DH having finally reached his limit and snapped is the problem here…? No, anyone would snap after years and years of someone stealing from them.

I think that shouting at a thief is a pretty normal reaction. Your child is 8 and unless has special needs they know what they are doing is wrong and I don't feel sorry for them for being shouted at. It's quite ironic that you say it doesn't work given nothing you are doing is helping either.

Doesn’t help when your husband tells family/friends when our son does this and laughs to them about it. I ask him not to but just says, son don’t care if he tells them

Don't blame them for your child's behaviour.

It’s not them but it is the DH. The child is definitely getting mixed messages. Sounds like the DH has previously treated the DC’s behaviour as a bit of a laugh; one of his quirky little ways to be shared with friends. It’s actually not helping and meanwhile OP is the one who has taken the behaviour seriously.

The DH’s behaviour has gone from one extreme to the other so no wonder OP is upset.

What is going on with parenting nowadays??
An 8 year old child should not be stealing things for fun. This should have been nipped in the bud by now. And if it wasn’t him, well his past behaviour means that all fingers are going to point at him. So a good life lesson.
Please parents your child properly, this ‘gentle’ nonsense is getting ridiculous.

An 8 year old is still learning how to manage impulse control.

Most aren’t stealing other family member’s stuff because they know how they’d feel if their stuff disappeared. You should have higher expectations of your son. The longer this goes on, the harder it will be for him to stop. A teenager isn’t going to care about being” told off but not shouted at “ as much as a primary school child.

Plus… it’s a vape. Aren’t you concerned that Ds targetted the vape because he might want to try the vape? My kids have admitted trying their dad’s vape when he left them in the car to get something from the shop. (They were older than 8) and once he’s at secondary then you’d have no clue if he was doing it in shops or other people’s houses until the police are called on him.

The problem is now the 8yo has seen his mother take his side and his dad has been given the silent treatment and been told how unacceptable he was for daring to challenge the child.

You should be able to leave things around with an 8 year old and they should know not to touch it. 8 is not a toddler. My 8yo could easily reach the knife block for example but by that age they absolutely know not to touch sharp knives.

He has stopped stealing things from school so clearly what I have been doing is working. or school take a tougher line. Maybe he took it this time, maybe not but his previous behaviour is causing him to be blamed more readily. He thinks it is all a game, standing there and claiming the resulting furore stresses him out. Is that a behaviour learned from you? How do you react to your dh frustration? Is he the father of your ds!

I might be in the minority op but I'd say that your husband would piss me off a bit

If he was running my child down to his mates, and laughing at him, that would be an absolute no from me

I wonder if they checked the kid’s pockets or suitcase? Or if the kid was walking around the room while then looked, moving it to an already searched location. It didn’t just disappear and the child with a history of stealing and hiding his dad’s belongings was standing right there. We don’t need Poirot for this one.

OP you need to get on top of this now before your child is the one at school who is left out for being a liar (moving things and not owning up is lying)

Your husband needs to learn a bit of anger control but tbh if your son sees the consequences of his actions now and again, that is good because you are clearly doing nothing at all to help anyone.

Vape missing - it's a non event. But phone, keys, wallet? can be a serious issue.