Husband shouted at child for hiding something.

He hides phones, money and controls to though

Not sure this theory works due to yous DS history of hiding things but, is it possible he hid it because he’s worried about his dad? My mum was a smoker growing up and about that age we were getting all the anti smoke/drink/drugs stuff in school, I was convinced my mum was going to die and I used to hide her fags all the time. Maybe a conversation about any worries your son might have. And if he’s just doing it to be a pest he needs a firm talking to. DHs reaction not ok but I can see why he was pissed off and even if he did over react we’ve all lost our cool here and there, I wouldn’t be giving him the silent treatment days later over it.

A ticking time bomb? You are going on like her husband's only problem was that he needed a hit on his vape and was rolling around on the floor having withdrawals lol it's a vape not a fucking crack pipe but at least you aren't overreacting. If he had taken money would you be saying "your husbands reaction is because he has an addiction to spending and he is only going mad because he can't go shopping"

It's got nothing to do with the vape really has it? It's that the 8 year old is constantly taking things from people and it would piss me off too and anyone would snap.

I'd be confiscating something of his that he values such as a game or ipad and he would only be getting it back a week after he returns whatever he took. If he doesn't return it within the week, whatever I confiscated would be sold on ebay and the money used to replace the stolen item. None of this wishy washy 'having a chat' shit.

I got the impression from OP that all previous missing item had later been found so there was no financial loss to be recouped on EBay. While all items taken from other places had been returned to their rightful owners. The missing vape seems to be the first to have completely disappeared!

Are you sure he isn't still stealing from school or shops? He may just have got better at hiding his spoils, in the same way he probably disposed of the vape.

I agree that your husband acted like an addict that had lost the most important thing to him. Your husband should not be raging and kicking things infront of children, nor should he be leaving vapes within a child's reach. I wouldn't want someone like this around my DC.

So your issue isn't that he shouted it's that he hasn't taken it seriously before? It doesn't sound like any of you have to be honest. You need to get on the same page with your DH in how you are going to tackle this because it's already gone WAY past normal behaviour.

When you say he doesn't steal from school anymore how long has it been since he did?

I'm so tired if this new 'i shall never shout or allow anyone to shout at my kids. Shouting is perfectly acceptable as a mean to express frustration.

The point is 'there is shouting and shouting. Shouting that could elicit fear is absolutely wrong, but shouting to express being fed up at totally inappropriate behaviour is a fair way to convey it.

Ultimately, if it is agreed within the family that shouting is not acceptable, you need a mean to show children that behaviours are inappropriate in a way that convey consequences.

In your case, it sounds that the alternative behaviour is to do...nothing, which is why it most likely is ongoing.

Your child's behaviour is not normal. You and your husband's reactions to it are not working. This needs to be dealt with as it appears to have become entrenched behaviour. It is NOT a phase 8yr olds go through

A normal reaction for an addict losing what they’re addicted to, certainly! His normal reaction to all the other stealing was that it was amusing!

I also agree with this. I'd start doing it back to him- hiding and moving his important stuff everytime he does it. He needs to learn.

Honestly your partner sounds like a dick. Vaping is so childish and gross I could never be with someone like that especially as he then made a huge fuss about it being moved - how pathetic - also bringing up how funny it is that your son moves stuff at home what kind of mixed messages is that giving the boy?! Your partner sounds gross I'd LTB but then I'd never be with someone who vapes anyway.

Yes I think you need to explain to your son the ' boy who cried wolf' story and also I'm surprised when he has a history of this that you're chipping in saying he might not have moved it and there is no proof etc as although this is true it kind of makes the situation worse and almost excuses previous hiding.

An 8 year old doing this is not normal. A toddler, yes. Not an 8 year old. An 8 year old routinely behaving like this either has some serious special needs or a serious lack of parenting.

Your son needs to be disciplined, not gently told that stealing is wrong. He knows stealing is wrong, he isn't a bloody baby.

I'd be confiscating something of his that he values such as a game or ipad and he would only be getting it back a week after he returns whatever he took. If he doesn't return it within the week, whatever I confiscated would be sold on ebay and the money used to replace the stolen item. None of this wishy washy 'having a chat' shit.

When you talk to him have you mentioned that in two short years he will be of legal age of criminal responsibility? Anything he steals then, he can be prosecuted for. This is because the vast majority of 10 year olds do not struggle with impulse control to steal things into their teens. Stop convincing yourself this is normal. It really isn't.

Well he had a normal reaction to a child stealing and the OP is blathering on about not being in trouble and not being able to expect an 8 year old to have impulse control and not steal and giving her husband the silent treatment for half their holiday. Is that a normal reaction to a child's continued poor behaviour?

Then it’s no wonder OP’s kid thinks it’s fine to steal, being brought up in an atmosphere where all the adults around him think it’s either no big deal or outright hilarious. What a sad mess to raise a child in.

Yup, about the long and short of it!

Struggle no more as OP has responded;

No, he doesn’t vent to family/friends then it turns into laughter. He purposely brings it up because he thinks it’s funny. I ask him not to as it doesn’t help with son’s behaviour.

Your son's behavior is quite concerning and definitely not normal I'm surprised that no one seems to be taking it seriously. I'm very surprised that your gp hasn't referred him to someone equipped to help

Ah so everything is dhs fault!!

You are absolutely right! It’s normal behaviour for an addict. It explains the DH’s behaviour but doesn’t excuse it. Yet posters on this thread are defending him to the hilt and making OP feel bad!

Frankly I’m struggling to believe that OP’s family and friends all sit around laughing over repeated anecdotes about a kid stealing stuff, unless they’re all complete simpletons. If a friend started telling me a “funny” story about their 8-year-old lifting money from their wallet, I’d just make sure I kept my handbag close and zipped, not giggle over it.

Vaping is a ticking time bomb. Not being able to instantly smoke an addictive substance is the likely reason your husband kicked off and your son was the easy target.

Most likely explanation is that one of the teens took it hoping it wouldn’t be missed or would be blamed on your son. If your son had hidden it it would have been found in the room before you left.