Husband shouted at child for hiding something.

Your son is a Kleptomaniac, and i don't think your way of dealing with it is appropriate.

I am not a shouty parent, but i do have ASD/ADHD and if there is one thing guaranteed to push me into meltdown it's people hiding/taking my stuff.. its what bullies do to upset you, and i can feel myself getting upset just putting myself in your DH's position.

Your child has a problem, and waiting for him to 'grow out of it' while expecting everyone else to be nice about it is bullshit.

The fact that he keeps stealing means any punishments, talks or whatever you are doing isn't working. As above, take something of his. He continually steals (stop saying hides) items belonging to other people. Time he learned how that feels. Your child is a thief and you need to help him stop.

You need to sort the stealing out and then the shouting would stop.

It could be an indication of kleptomania, which is a mental health disorder.

Op the reason your son will have stopped doing this is at school is probably from the social consequences of being labelled the class thief, he'll have quickly learned that whenever anything was misplaced he'll have been the one everyone looked at. Being labelled a thief will have impacted his friendships and relationships with his teachers.

Ordinarily I'd say your husband losing it isn't great but in this case it won't hurt your son to see parents are human too and to stop this weird as fuck behaviour.

Discipline your son for god's sake, it is not working if he is still doing it. Sharp wake up call needed, he hasn't been shouted at enough. 'Calmly asking him where it is' what a joke.

I'm not surprised your DH lost his shit.

You what?

I don't think most people would be making different personal choices because they got frustrated at living with a persistent thief.

Your son is a thief .

Not RTFT, so apologies if duplicate, but did he not see this situation as a sign that he should stop vaping?

You really are firmly holding the belief that it's all dhs fault, and not DSs fault for the actual thievery or yours for the never telling him off, and look at just now! DH actually tells him off your behaviour, comforting ds and giving your husband the silent treatment for telling him off! Ridiculous!

Your poor son. Your DH is a shit father.

You can’t honestly think this is normal. You also have no idea if he’s always handed things back, people might not have noticed things have gone missing, or not told you.

It’s still theft if his mum hands it back over.

It’s clear you’ve never disciplined him at all, just spoken to him. This is not parenting.

I think dealing with your sons potential kleptomania is the issue here, not your DH being annoyed by it.

OP you need to stop saying 'takes and hides' - it's THEFT! You've very clearly changed the whole narrative in your head to help minimise what's happening

Each time this happens you need to discuss 'stealing' with your son - NOT 'taking and hiding'.

Your son STEALS things. Your son is a THIEF. He's also 8...not 3! He knows exactly what he's doing, and is manipulating you with his whole 'oh, I'm so stressed' act when someone finally breaks and shouts at him!

Get a grip on this now, or he'll have a rap sheet by the time he's 14! 🤦‍♀️

Sounds like attention seeking by ds. plus his dad tells everyone how funny it is so ds won’t understand that his dad only finds it funny if it isn’t him who is impacted.

dh needs to sit down with son and tell him he gets the blame automatically as he is known to do this, it’s not ok or funny and he shouldn’t have acted like it was.

imo your dh is partially responsible for this continuing behaviour as ds is getting positive feedback for it .. dad laughing and joking about it etc . Ds has stopped the behaviour elsewhere when he got consequences. So dh should also be mad at himself

Are you talking to your DH yet?

You still sound far too lenient about your thief son

My younger brother was a terrible thief when he was young - started when he was about 5, and he got caught going through the pockets of people's coats in the changing room of the local pool. He progressed onto stealing from school, local shops, etc. Both my parents were like this mother, didn't really do anything about it.

By the time he was a teenager he'd steal anything from anyone. My older brother was lucky enough to already have a lock on his bedroom door, even though I begged my parents they wouldn't let me have one on mine...I lost CDs, records, jewellery...anything with any value he'd steal. My parents still did nothing.

When he was about 21 he got his first job...within 6 months he'd got caught stealing the petty cash tin from his bosses office. Sacked, prosecuted and got a hefty fine/community service. Didn't pay the fine, ultimately ended up spending 2 weeks in prison. It was only then that my mother actually gave a shit...I couldn't have cared less.

But it's not the fact he hands them back or doesn't hide them well, it's that he takes them in the first place!!

God this sounds just a mess from all sides. So your previous reaction has been to not really properly tell him off, and your DH has treated it as a joke. Obviously all jokes get old and now it's his stuff the child is stealing he's getting irritated by it (which is absolutely understandable).

The issue here is your child stealing, not your DH getting cross. Which frankly is a normal human reaction. All this modern 'mustn't show we are cross with the children, mustn't raise our voices' is a load of crap - kids need to see their behaviour has an impact. You don't get animals moderating natural instincts in fear of upsetting or stressing out their young. I'm certainly not suggesting physical chastisement but by all means get cross!

Sounds like attention seeking behaviour. I'd be inclined to say if he moves and hides someone's property, that one of his toys or devices would also be removed until yours is returned. My guess is his game will stop pretty quickly.

The "angry pathetic addict" stuff is probably a red herring, I think. The DH had a spare vape, and if he'd been feeling in need of some nicotine he would've surely opened it as soon as he realised he couldn't find the other one. IMO it's more likely a combination of having a deadline to get to something that had been booked, while being out of routine and away from home and around family 24/7, and it being something that children shouldn't even touch, that meant that this was the time he snapped — not whatever the precise missing item happened to be. Even nice things can raise stress levels and put you nearer your snapping threshold for something you might usually handle by making light of it.