Husband shouted at child for hiding something.

Maybe if you’d have shouted at him the first time, he’d have stopped.

Whatever you’re doing hasn’t really worked. I’d be absolutely fed up of it too

"He gets told off, we explain to him that’s it’s not okay to take things that aren’t his"

Doesn't sound like this is working too well. Your son sounds super annoying. I would shout too.

Your approach isn’t working is it, op.

Your child has now found out that his behaviour is completely unacceptable. Not before time.

I'm not sure your gentle approach is working OP. Maybe try toughening up how you deal with your son hiding things. It's not ok to keep to doing this!
Not great that your DH shouted but can't say I blame him. Your DS will be ok. Maybe he'll even stop hiding stuff as a result of being shouted out.

Even the best natured person can occasionally lose it. And if your son keeps taking things then even the most patient parent will sometimes behave out of character. Perhaps your son will now understand that he is winding others up.

to kick things

As the adult in the situation, you hubby didn't mange his emotions well. No need tonic things etc I would be really annoyed with my hubby if he did that. And for that an apology is necessary. But you cant make him apologise. The 'hiding' issue is another issue which does need addressing for sure. Your husband behaved poorly. When my DH behaves poorly and doesn't take accountability, I wont be around him, I take myself away

So clearly we all have a different meaning of being in trouble. In our home, we mean he won’t get shouted at etc. He gets told off, we explain to him that’s it’s not okay to take things that aren’t his. Shouting at children just stresses them out and doesn’t solve anything. He gets disciplined.

That's really confusing. If you told me I wouldn't be in trouble for something and then I was disciplined, I'd never trust you saying that again.

Discovering that people get angry when you fuck with their stuff is at least a bit less confusing.

I second this, I'd be pissed off if my things kept on going missing and agree that as he has done this repeatedly, hed be getting in trouble for it.

strongly disagree with losing control though, and kicking stuff - that's too far and unnecessary when a calm telling off would express the same sentiment x

sounds like the 8 year old having trouble adjusting to/feeling secure in a blended family unit to me. I think you both need to look beyond the hiding stuff - to why he is doing it and that is not something that will come out if the adult continues to have a tantrum rather than addressing the root cause

The dad is probably at his wits end with the son doing whatever he likes, behaving badly and never having any consequences. The op was so quick to tell the son he wouldn’t be in trouble even if he had taken the item!

Sometimes we all have out of character reactions that we regret when the stressers are too high, as long as this isn’t indicative of the dads personality then you can’t claim it’s abuse.

Your husband is probably at the end of his tether at your son hiding things.

Its not even funny once coming to get something that belongs to you that has been hidden, but can maybe let it go in a very young child but an 8 year old who repeatedly does it, that gets old pretty quickly.

Your son needs to be told to quit the behaviour and then people wont get irritated and accuse him when something goes missing...its like the boy who cried wolf, even if he didnt hide it, people will be suspicious given his past behaviour and get annoyed, especially when getting ready to go out

Huh? He wouldn't be in trouble? Why the hell not?! I imagine this was the straw that broke the camels back with your DH, he's had enough of your son taking things and snapped. Can't say I blame him really.

I'd be absolutely furious if an 8 yr old had a history of doing this. There would severe consequences unless he stopped.

Well your son has had a lesson in the boy who cried wolf if he didn’t do it. He will always take the blame as he’s got himself a reputation for doing this. You do need to tackle this, your DH was a bit OTT but I guess he’s had enough of his behaviour. I guess he did it, but wouldn’t own up.

Op you are being ridiculous. Your 8yo needs consequences for hiding things.
My eldest used to do this (possibly part of sen)

i thi nk you need to point out to dc that i ts really unsafe too as a vape could be dangerous for other kids who might find it in the room ...
likewise you dont actually know what else he might have hidden
Money/credit cards/ghic card?

also it creares drama with the parents as they can end up accusing each other of moving things.

I would love to know previous consequences …. This is not normal behaviour for an 8 year old ..

I think you probably exacerbated things . Sent mixed messages … Dad is furious - you are saying he won’t be in trouble..

I agree regardless of whether it was him or not it’s the boy who cried wolf .

assuming the sc are older it would be even more unusual behaviour

@Anotherparkingthread I'd be furious with a child that stole items especially things as important as phones and money.

Exactly, it’s telling that OP refers to it as hiding and not stealing.

Why would he obviously not be in trouble for taking the item and hiding it though? 8 is more than old enough to deal with the consequences of shitty behaviour. And yes “hiding” phones, money and personal items is shitty behaviours.

Your son sounds like a little horror and frankly I'd be pissed off with you standing there telling him he won't be in trouble, which is a baltent lie, because he clearly is in trouble very much should be in trouble. You undermined your husband's authority and emotions. He's allowed to be livid, I'd be furious with a child that stole items especially things as important as phones and money. What consequence does your son face? Are you removing things that he enjoys until items are returned? I would be laying down some ealky heavy discipline on this. You should have nipped it in the bud a long time ago.

There are two separate issues.

The child hiding things is one - which everyone is now fixated on.

The second is a grown man shouting at an 8yo and kicking things in anger. Hitting and kicking inanimate objects in front of people to scare them is domestic abuse.

The 8yo probably should know better, the grown man definitely should.

Why is it ‘obvious’ he wouldn’t get into trouble? It sounds like you’re enabling his poor behaviour and your husband is sick of it.

This, sounds like nothing as Our son has a long history of hiding things, (phones, money, controls etc). I calmly asked if he had moved it and if so, he wouldn’t be in trouble (obviously).
Is he never told off for anything?

Is not acceptable that should say