Husband shouted at child for hiding something.

Sorry op but a small child i can understand, but he is 8. I think i would now be fed up if my stuff was constantly going missing.
maybe he shouldn’t have shouted, maybe he’s just at the end of his tether.
i’d be having harsher consequences as things clearly aren’t working if he’s still doing it.
I’d worry he’d do it to the wrong person ( or at school) and really be in trouble/or be hurt.

Were your step children there also? Was it definitely your son that moved it?

Whatever happened to the vape your DH should not have reacted like that at all, you can't scream at an 8yr old boy and start kicking stuff about, thats abuse.

Did you find it?

Your DH should have tried to stay calm but its understandable given your sons previous record of hiding/stealing people's things which he doesn't seem to get in trouble for (obviously).

Echoing other DH reaction not great but you can totally see why it’s come to that
everyone has there limit and it sounds like you DH has reached it

I’d struggle with the 8 year olds behaviour

Your kids a thief and will grow up into an undisciplined little shit if you don’t keep him in check, we will all be able to remember kids like that from when we were children, they are awful to be around when you are in school and if they don’t get called out, they don’t change. Any manipulative behaviour that you see as minor because they are a child will grow with them and at one end they will be dishonest and disliked as adults or on the other end they will be criminals. All problematic adults start out like this as kids.

Also I don’t blame your partner for losing his rag, he has had enough, you need to both be getting angry at the kid, together! Your partner didn’t hurt you, he’s just pissed off and rightly so. Also I’ve seen the way you are giving the silent treatment to him described on here as emotional abuse when directed at a woman from a man. So not only are you showing your son he can steal from his dad, you are also saying you will back your son up when he does, he won’t get in trouble, but your husband will, and emotionally abused at that!

This sums it up

Gosh what an imaginative and not at all pass-remarkable post...
The dh was understandably pissed off at the 8 yo yet again being given a let off for the thievery!

God everything about this is terrible.
Leaving a vape laying around where children could easily use it.
Getting aggressive over what sounds like frequent behaviour from your child.
The wishy washy "we've dealt with this since he was 3" attitude around discipline that clearly isn't working.
And an 8 year old who is a kleptomaniac and isn't being dealt with.
It's like shit parenting bingo.

The kid probably took that too!!

Well he will be blamed for everything that goes missing from now on and it's his own fault.

Sorry yeah, just to be clear, that’s what you do when children aren’t stealing.

I feel so sorry for the older kids in this scenario who have to come and spend some of their time living with a child who’s a thief and an adult who enables them. I hope your husband ensures their stuff is protected from him.

I take a slightly different view. Yeah your hubbys reaction wasn’t great but:

1. You admit your son has a history of taking things but don’t think he did here (without proof) and instead of asking him you made excuses about maybe your hubby moved it.
2. You don’t seem to talk about where it ultimately was……
3. You clearly see your husband is upset and you let your kid off of any responsibility.
4. You carried an annoyed feeling home from holiday and you don’t want to speak to him.

What do you do? Suck it up as it’s a minor thing. Stop making excuses for your son. Realise you aren’t helping your child by not confronting him and making him accountable for his actions.

You are telling your son he can do what he wants without consequences, annoy his father and when his father reacts you will take his side. And carry this feeling for days and show your son your husband is wrong for his reaction rather than the potential theft. Think about your child in the world at work and then consider what you want to teach him.

Did the vape get found and if so where ?

@MyGreenCat your hubby's behaviour was not good but to be honest, I would be totally pissed off if my 8 year old son thinks it is totally fine to be stealing and hiding things!!! he knows it is wrong so why does he keep doing it? what punishment is he getting when he does it? does he think it is funny? remember, he is getting closer and closer to the criminal age and what happens then???

When you say:
He gets told off, we explain to him that’s it’s not okay to take things that aren’t his.
It reminds me of that cartoon of the dog and the owner (the Far Side probably), except that in this case it's you with a speech bubble saying, 'Oscar, it's not OK to take things because that can make people feel sad and then ...'
and your son is hearing:
'Blah blah blah blah take blah blah'.
and completely ignoring you.

I think you need to do more than just talk. He needs a clear consequence.

Why do you think your husband should have opened up a new vape OP? @MyGreenCat

YABU. You undermine your husband and pander to your 8 year old who is STEALING! He should be getting “stressed out” when he’s been caught red handed! Might teach him not to do it in future!!

Yeah, the flexibility of word choice, combined with the obvious directions OP's sympathy lies, is making me question exactly what the "kicking" was. In that context it's easy to read it as the DH violently booting a random object to visibly redirect and display his aggression, as a demonstration of his anger and power. But with this OP, it could mean that while searching the room, he moved the carrier bag with his foot a little roughly, to see if the vape was in there. Or anything in-between.

I agree with every word of this. Why are you putting up with this behaviour?

Son is standing with his hands on his head saying, I’m getting so stressed out

He shouldn’t hide/steal things then should he? How would he feel if someone hid his things? Stop pandering to an 8 year old for goodness sake.

While your DH’s behaviour wasn’t appropriate I can understand his frustration and you saying I felt so bad for him so kept saying to husband maybe he didn’t move it as you didn’t see him I’ve it so you can’t prove it however, you KNOW your son does this so why did you defend him? You said earlier he hides your things too. Personally, I wouldn’t have put up with this.

While I will never agree with kicking things etc you need to nip your sons behaviour in the bud. What are you going to do when he’s ‘hiding/stealing’ things when he’s 14/15/16?

The consequences you've imposed for your child stealing aren't anywhere near strong enough, which is why he's done it again and again. The consequences need to be much more unpleasant other wise its worth it for the child to risk it for the reward of taking things that don't belong to them.

Was he also “hiding” the stuff he took from school and the shop?

Little kleptomaniac kid and OP enables it by using terms such as "hiding" and "moving"

No discipline? What's the repercussions for the child when he takes other people's things and refuses to return them.

Does the child not get enough attention and this is the only way to get it?

The number of times you have said 'moved' in your op is nuts.

He's stealing from his own family and he's eight. You are talking about him like he's a toddler.

I can't imagine not being able to put something down in my own home for years.